Any copywriters here?
I could use a critique on this page. I'm trying to succinctly explain why my app is different from SoundCloud.
https://songbox.rocks/soundcloud/?ref=ih
Thanks in advance
Edited to add: Great feedback from people here and I have taken it onboard.
Common themes that recur:
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Talk to the user as an individual
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Identify the pain point and your app's solution
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Show don't tell
Hello Mick.
The page has a lot of drag. Excessively wordy, and things being said that don’t need to be said. It needs to get to the point quicker, highlighting the contrast between SB and SC.
You have 3 points for SC process, and 5 for SB, yet points 3 and 4 can be amalgamated, for the emphasis is unduly diluted rather than reinforced, because it makes the process longer; who wants a longer process? Furthermore, process is the wrong word to use, if all those points are to be conveyed. I will get back to this further down my message.
I would drop The first thing people usually say. Who cares what others have said, I come to a site, and I have to read what other people usually say. I don’t know these other people, and frankly don’t care what they think, what they say, etc. I can appreciate that you are attempting to frame this within a common objection, but don’t use others here, this is between you and the visitor.
I use SC for sending out demos. Use-case, scenario, context: important, although I am unable to comment on if this is truly relevant. Do artists who send out demo’s value the benefits stated on this page more than artists who don’t? I can’t answer this.
This is great and SC is awesome… I would drop this line. I see no point in having this line. If using SC was great, and I use the word great like it is meant to be used, then for what reason do you exist? This is where knowing if artists who send out demo’s value the benefits stated or not would be helpful, because if we know, we can drop the great.
Either you have seen an opportunity, a pain, a benefit, or you haven’t, therefore, this needs highlighting properly. You call it great, which then brings into question so many things that cause friction.
The SC process. Point 3. Awesome? How can you address what you term a pain point, although you have not called it as such, as awesome? In order for me to make sense of this word in this place, I have to say Awesome as if I am taking the p**s. You need to call this for how you see it.
You need to provoke the true emotional state from their past memories in this situation, ie negative. You need to provoke the true state of mind when an artist is in this situation, confusion as to how many have listened. Basically you need to create the right ambience within which the contrast between old and new, negative and positive, problem and solution is highlighted, for this will lead to a greater appreciation of what you bring to the table.
The SB Process. Point 5… And just as importantly who didn’t listen, do you mean someone who clicked, didn’t like the track then bounced?
The SC and SB Process:
Points 1 and 2 are the same, so why the separation? Keep them under one, so when it comes to the contrast part, you can really emphasize the difference.
Use visuals to aid in conveying the information.
Use left and right sides of the screen, makes thing easier to compare.
So amalgamate the actual process part for the both as the same, then have them split to left and right sides, one side longer than the other in terms of benefits, then this is impactful.
I would then have the start of the page highlighting the UVP, or the vision. Problem and pain are often road blocks between A and B. At times focusing on them is fine, and at times, focusing on the points, taking into account the required framing and audience disposition is the way to go.
The solution is real-time notification of who is currently listening. This permits an artist to strike not only while the iron is hot, but the right irons. Ultimately, this comes down to finding out quickly and more efficiently, who your real fans are.
Cheers, Ace.
Hi, I've taken on board what I could and have re-deployed the page: https://songbox.rocks/soundcloud/?ref=ih
Noted mate.
I had a quick look, certainly better than before, so good work. Can be improved though.
Your top two lines are very similar, and out of the two I would have the SB: A SC alternative as the H1, and thus if and when the website is fleshed out, it would be a link as well. I can't see people typing in SB vs SC, but I can see people typing in SC alternatives. Down-the-line once you get a certain amount of traction, people may well type that in, but for now, that isn't going to be the case.
The subtitles of SC and SB need greater weight, I would push them up from P to H2.
The screenshot of SC's UI, you will need to either obtain permission to use it, or don't use it. They won't give permission.
The text below respective UI's needs to jump out more and need to be conveyed with the respect and importance they deserve, instead of my eyes being drawn to them, I am somewhat searching for them, and straining to see them. The whole point of the page, ok second point taking into account the actual objective of the button, is to state the benefits that are presented at the bottom, but instead of this being a rightful crescendo, it's a whimper.
Take control of your career is too abstract to me for it to be a bullet point under the ability to peruse granular data. Is there another more directly derived benefit?
There needs to be a bit more space between elements, every things a bit cramped, a bit too on top of each other. Section SC and SB need a bit more of a separation and more pronounced division between them.
You have a button but no call-to-action. What treasures await them beyond the click?
Cheers, Ace.
Taken onboard some more, but not all, of your advice. Interesting note on the "get started" CTA, I ran an experiment on 3 different CTAs:
Start your 14 day free trial
Start your free trial
Get Started
"Get Started" converted at a much higher rate than the other 2, so I'm gonna stick with that for now, however when I run my next ad campaign I'll run another experiment on it. Any suggestions for what to include in the experiment are welcomed.
Thanks so much.
No worries.
The CTA button copy is fine, I am referring to the lack of CTA text accompanying it. Suggestions I would have to think about.
Cheers, Ace.
Wow, awesome writeup! I'll take what I can from it and implement in the new version. Thank you.
Be sure to answer the question for the user/reader: "Why is this remarkable?"
Two tips:
Show, don't tell.
Get a copy of The Elements of Style.
Well, that’s what I do @ Second Look!
I think the biggest thing I've learned from copywriting is to always speak directly to the user and the problem they face. So, it seems that in this particular case, you're speaking directly to artists and bands.
On your page, I think you speak quite a bit of the solution offered by SoundBox, instead of to the problem faced by the artist. (This was a really difficult thing for me to figure out when I first started copywriting).
It seems that the biggest problem is something like, "As an artist, you have no idea who is listening to your music and what's resonating with your fans." (Problem statement spoken directly to the user). I'm not an artist, but that seems like an incredibly important problem they face, and your solution is delivering an enormous amount of value. If I imagine myself as a musician on this page, however, I don't necessarily understand the value delivered by SoundBox right away.
In other words, SoundBox sounds freaking awesome, but I don't necessarily think you're speaking to your audience.
This is massively insightful and helpful. Thanks so much!!
So glad it was a bit helpful. You're most welcome! SoundBox sounds awesome. If I were an artist, I'd certainly be interested in giving it a whirl. I'm constantly checking Google Analytics to understand how people are coming to signup for our little project. So, I feel like I'd definitely be doing the same thing if I made music instead of software. :)
I've taken on board the points of yours that I could and have re-launched the page: https://songbox.rocks/soundcloud/?ref=ih
I really like the changes you've made. I think when imagining myself as an artist or musician, this speaks to me significantly more directly. I'm curious - have you had the chance yet to get this in front of musicians directly to hear their feedback?
Yes, as info, I used to work in the Music Industry myself. For several years as a signed recording artist (major label - real deal stuff) and then for years after I worked in music media for a global music magazine and radio company.
As part of that I have my own experience and I also have many friends / contacts still in the industry. Everyone sees the value in this product but there are complicating factors; this product isn't necessarily for your neighbours' kids' band. SongBox is aimed at professional musicians and songwriters or those who are genuinely working to be professional. There is a quite a difference in those two personas.
Oh, wow. Got it! Sounds like you have all the expertise that you need to make a seriously awesome product. That's really amazing. If you need copy help in the future, I'd be more than happy to help (I think what you're making is very neat) so just DM me!
Songbox notifies you. Soundcloud doesn't. 💥
Haha I love it but SongBox does more than that.
Or should that be SoundCloud does less??
:-)
If you don’t know, it’ll be hard for us to know either.
A lot of the work a copywriter does is deep understanding.
Cheers man but I was just having a wee joke in that comment.
I'm sure there's some typographical mark I could have made to imply that I was just thinking out loud ( to myself ).
So why SoundBox? What inspired it? How'd you determine the feature set? How did you know not to keep adding things?
I worked in the music industry as a performer and songwriter for many years. I eventually reached a high level with a record deal at a major label and one of the songs I wrote ended up charting. This side of my career saw me endlessly submitting demos to radio stations, magazines, labels, publishers, producers and collaborators etc. The pain here is real.
The single biggest frustration for an artist is “are they not getting back to me because they listened and they hate it? Or have they not listened and maybe if they did they’d Love it...”
So basically not knowing the status of the songs you send out is a pain point.
I had a second career in the music industry on the other side of the fence some years later. I worked in music media at a very large organisation. We received hundreds of demos every week via physical mail and even more by email.
Despite the fact that part of the organisations remit was to find “the next big thing”, the vast vast VAST majority of these demos never got listened to. Why? Because that number of demos is unmanageable. People send on vinyl, cds, cassettes (because they think it’s quirky but in reality... who the fuck has a cassette player), usb sticks.
Via email there were mp3s attached in the mail (security risk) and links to a million different platforms (most required accounts to login and listen).
Demo submission is a real problem for artist AND industry. I believe SongBox solves these issues and I have somewhat of a unique perspective.
Mostly because I’m an experienced product manager and know that beyond the very initial features that are a pre-requisite to the idea, i’ll learn everything else I need to build by engaging with my users.