Feedback needed: Breakup support app for men?
A slightly different post than usual but still relevant to IH I think...
Recently I went through my first 'proper' breakup (5+ years together, living together for 3 years, relatively peaceful/friendly breakup not initiated by me).
I'm normally not an emotional person and don't tend to let my personal life/relationship affect my professional life, but the last month or two were very, very difficult - losing a lot of weight, sleeping poorly and with a noticeable lack of energy/motivation for anything really.
Of course I was keeping busy, doing sport, meeting with friends - all the 'recommended' stuff to do after a breakup.
But (despite a group of close friends) it does feel like a bit more support and a place to talk about what I'm going through with people who understand me would have been nice/useful.
I feel like women instinctively do this much better than men (at least in my culture) and, in my experience of watching friends end relationships, men tend to suffer a lot longer from the fallout of a breakup because they suppress their feelings instead of trying to work through them.
All of us here have probably gone through a serious breakup (or will at some point in the future), so it's by no means a niche problem. Yet there's very little good advice/support for men available on the internet.
As an indie hacker currently experiencing the problem firsthand, I feel like I could have a go at solving it by putting together a group/chat/forum with tailored advice and support for men who just went through a serious breakup.
Before investing any time into it, I'd love to hear your feedback and thoughts on how/if this would have been useful to you during your last breakup.
Thanks!
*P.S. Don't worry - I'm feeling a lot better and this isn't a cry for help ;) *
No problem with the idea. My issue is with the sustainability, especially if this is likely to be a not-for-monetary-gain project.
Have you given any thought to the content and "tailored" elements of the project? I can see them sucking up immense amounts of time and, once your own break-up is put safely behind you, is it something to which you wish to contribute indefinitely?
I'm not suggesting it is a bad idea (it isn't) but I'm wondering whether this is a "rebound reaction" or a long term commitment. It does not matter to you if you walk away from the project in - say - two years' time but it might matter a great deal to your users at that time.
Other than that, yes I think it could well be a flyer.
Thanks Thomas, definitely some good points in there.
I'm not sure exactly what this content would be yet, but (assuming there are a decent number of users) I'm pretty confident it wouldn't be difficult to find relationship councillors/psychologists/experts to create some co-branded content in return for exposure.
Definitely a good call about my commitment to the project - obviously you can never be 100% sure at the beginning. Yet I think - especially with a community project - it's possible to build in a way which allows for me to hand over to someone else in the future, should the need arise.
Also, I'm guessing I'll need it again myself at some point in the distant future ;)
In all seriousness though, I deliberately waited until this was no longer a 'rebound reaction' and am genuinely interested in the problem - several of my close male friends have been through much worse than I have recently, and as a society we really don't cope with it very well.
Then, if you've given due consideration to those matters and feel it is something which interests you, go ahead. There is definitely an audience for such services.
Hey Louis,
I'm the founder of rapidbreakuprecovery.com, a blog which I've been running on and off since 2012 focused on breakup advice for men. I've written a book on the topic (https://rapidbreakuprecovery.com/breakup-recovery-manual-for-men/), I run a facebook support community (men only) and I do coaching via Skype.
I went through a painful breakup myself back in the day (actually two!) and I also identified the need for a better solution. For many guys the end of their (first) relationship is also their first contact with intense, debilitating emotions. Turns out everyone is an emotional person given the right (or wrong) circumstances). At least, that's how I've come to see it.
Regarding women dealing with this differently, I think you're right. They tend to deal with this a bit better than men do(and this is also borne out in some academic papers on the topic). The main reason seems to be that they tend have better support networks than men do. Having said that, I don't think there's a huge difference between the genders. There's a bigger difference between the experience for the dumper vs. the dumpee.
What I believe goes under reported with regards to breakups is that the most painful breakups usually echo painful pasts. If you've had an adverse childhood, if you've experienced feelings of abandonment growing up, you'll relive those child-like emotions as a grown up when your relationship ends. It feels like it's about the other person, but really, it's not, it's about childhood wounds that never healed.
I can confirm the need is there and that some of the things you mention would probably help to serve that need. Coincidentally, I plan to devote my efforts full-time to this problem starting in October. Happy to speak with you via DM if you have any follow up questions.
If you decide to pursue this yourself, I sincerely wish you all the best. There are a lot of trash products and services out there that play on people's vulnerabilities and tell them what they want to hear (e.g. Get your ex back in 10 days). So anyone out there genuinely trying to help out people is a good thing as far as I'm concerned.
Hi Jesse,
Thanks for reaching out and the thoughtful insights.
You're right - we definitely have some (a lot) of overlap and I'd love to get to know you a bit better and pick your brain.
There are no DMs on Indie Hackers though (which I find quite funny, because it's one of the few things Firebase is really good at).
I'll shoot you an email (to the address in your profile) and hopefully we can take it from there.
Here in Spain, there is a very popular forum/community called Forocoches, and one of the most popular threads is one called "contact zero" where users (99% men) support each other during breakups. So yeah, definitely there is a need. If you can turn this need into a business idea, it could be great.
This is sweet!
Thanks Jaime, I'll have to look into that!
You are right. There is absolutely a demand for this. In expanding my network for DistroMonk, I've met a lot of people in the mental health space. Young men are 4x more likely to commit suicide.
The lack of mental and emotional support is something we can create to change those outcomes and how men learn to identify and share their feelings in a space that is safe and like minded.
Here are some people on this path that I can introduce you to or send you more info about:
I've met one of the creators of mantherapy and for my podcast I've interviewed Russ Perry about masculine emotional vulnerability and how it's shaped his life. Part of his journey was finding a support system with Wake Up Warrior.
Thanks, totally agree and was really surprised when I heard the suicide statistic (although interestingly women are still more likely to try and commit suicide, men are just more 'effective').
I'd love to hear your feedback and perhaps get an intro when I'm a bit further along - can I reach out to you over the next week or so via email?
For sure. Whenever you're ready. I'll be going to my next mental health conf in a couple weeks and may have more people to connect you with.
Yeah could be useful, I can see a lot of people getting use out of this, but to me it seems like more of a subreddit or a telegram group rather than something you can turn into a business and make money from
Thanks for the feedback. I agree it might not be a business - but then not every project has to be about making money :)
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