How do you network? Awkward, embarrassing, but I feel like it's totally necessary

Two rules:

Rule #1: be considerate of other people. This is always important, but especially so if they're busy, successful, high-profile, etc. Get the basic stuff right, like respecting their time, keeping your emails brief, deferring to their preferences for communication channels (email vs calls vs in-person), showing up on time, being flexible with locations, etc.

Recognize that there's an exchange of value going on. Generally, people worth talking to aren't sitting around bored with nothing to do. If they agree to "network" with you, it means they're skipping out on other important things. Do your best to make these meetings actually valuable for them. It's just the worst when people want to extract value but haven't considered in the least how to provide value in return.

For some meetings, this can be as simple as being prepared. For example, if you reach out to someone who's decided to help you out of the goodness of her heart, she doesn't need anything else from you except a sincere effort to be worth helping. Nobody wants to help someone who isn't even trying. So show up prepared, do your homework, and know what you want. Which brings me to…

Rule #2: have a goal. What do you want to get out of networking? I'm opposed to networking for the sake of networking. Talking to random people hoping that something magical and unexpected happens is a likely a waste of your time and theirs.

It can be hard to accomplish something worthwhile as an entrepreneur even if you identify it and focus on it 24/7/365. It's way more difficult to accomplish something worthwhile by mere happenstance. And it's virtually impossible for someone else to help you accomplish something that you don't even know you want. So you're wasting their time if you show up without a goal.

(Yes, there are stories of people serendipitously bumping into the perfect person who helped them in some unexpected way, but what you don't hear about are the 1000 random meetings that result in nothing. 1 ÷ 1000 = not good odds.)

You should know what you're trying to do. Know what your goals are, and meet with people who are capable of actually helping you accomplish them. Here are some real goals that I've used for "networking" recently:

• I devised an SEO strategy, learned all I could on my own to tweak and improve it, then I met with some SEO experts to get their feedback.

• I needed to hire someone with a particular skillset, so I messaged an expert I knew to ask for intros and tips.

• I wanted to get someone on my podcast, so I sent them a short email pitch.

• I wanted to keep my finger on the pulse of the community, so I went to an IH meetup and talked to everyone I could about what they're working on.

• I wanted to help someone who asked for advice, so I invited them to get lunch with me at Stripe.

• I was building a feature, and someone knowledgeable tweeted their opinions about a similar feature, so I emailed them to get some feedback on specific decisions I'm making.

• etc.

The reason I put "networking" in quotes is because it's typically associated with aimlessly talking to people, which is not what you want to do. When you do it correctly and with a purpose/goal, then it ceases to look like networking, and instead looks like selling, pitching, hiring, making intros, mentoring, raising money, partnering, etc.

Hope this helps!

Become the type of person you would want to "network" with.

You are already doing it now :)

I wrote a sort of manifesto describing how I think about networking.

It boils down to this: don't think about it as "networking." It's really about making relationships. "Networking" implies you expect some sort of business result coming out the other side. If that's the way you approach it, you're likely to fail.

All you're doing is forming a friendship with someone. Instead of picking someone who likes the same music or sports team, you're picking someone with similar business interests or goals.

I go into each networking event reminding myself to focus on quality versus quantity when it comes to conversations.

Put another way, my goal is to have 1-2 high quality conversations at the event.

I notice that lots of people try to shake hands with everyone in the room in hopes they'll make an impression. But it doesn't work that way!

Hope you give this a try. I spoke about this topic a few months ago and shared two other tips that are actionable here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gi9GAWw3PJI

Enjoy!

Jonathan

One good thing is to find what the other person is interested in / loves to talk about.

I started a meetup around reading books for professional development. The folks who come all share a goal and are going the same direction and that makes the conversation quite lively and relevant. (It is https://www.meetup.com/venturecto/).

The best way to effectively build a network is to have a product that is at least somewhat interesting - Sam Altman

This is explicit in the Product Hunt book "How to Build a Carrer in Tech".

Raquel, here is what I would do - and am doing at the moment.

First, think through what you would like to achieve. Seems obvious, but are you just looking to know more people? To find potential collaborators? To network to grow your target audience base (and ultimately sell more)?

I find that I normally have multiple good reasons to meet other people, learn about what they are up to, and either learn from them or see if there is potential for collaboration down the road.

That said, there are periods where I need to be more strategic (and time is always limited), so -- and here this is most directly relevant to your question -- once I have a clearer purpose in mind, I know better how and where to spend my valuable time.

Second, the how, do what I am doing right now - find people who need help and offer your help to them. Widely, freely, just be helpful and people will seek you out on their own.

Next, use linkedin. And here is where you need to be highly targeted -- who are you looking to connect with (be clear about your why) and then follow them, comment on their posts, and then connect with them. Once you do, reach out with a brief message to introduce yourself, thank them, and ask for a phone call. 10 min tops. Keep the focus of the conversation on them and what they are working on, pain points, ambitions, etc. Thank them for their time and them stay on their radar by continuing to either put out quality content yourself, or by commenting and interacting with their quality content.

View this process as a human interaction, you seeking to help them, and allowing them to help you where possible.

Final thought: I have connections of all backgrounds and all walks of life because of this mentality -- take it and make it your own today too, and expand your circle.

Here's a great article that I came across previously with some tips:

https://medium.com/personal-growth/4-ways-to-start-conversations-with-a-stranger-ed6df6ca6a5f

What I personally found easier was not thinking about it as "networking" and genuinely am interested in learning more about someone else's work/business/etc.

When you go in with the aim of just wanting to learn more about the other person and how you could potentially help them, it just frees your mind from the stresses of "oh i gotta get this word in or pitch myself, etc."

And lastly, keep practicing. Keep going. It's not awkward and it's not embarrassing. Those are just thoughts in your head. It's just the pure joy of meeting someone new and learning more about them.

There are various types of networking..

Your doing it right now with me , the trick is to learn that there are different types & levels of networking...and to make people WANT to network with YOU .

There are Master Mind groups , social networks like Linkedin

& Meetups where you can have brunch & meet like minded people ,so look for some of those in your area .

When I do go to meetups..I am very prepared to talk about my project & I practice an Elevator pitch because there are 2 sides to that coin.

1 is..are the people I meet going to be potential clients..?or do they have services , knowledge & contacts I need to complete my project...?

Have some business cards printed up so you can hand those out as well .

I cant tell you how many times I have received a call from someone saying..I got your number from a guy I know who had your card.