I'll critique your landing page for you - III
Here's July's edition of "I'll critique your home page for you".
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Drop off your website in the comments below
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I'll give feedback as best as I can. Prior examples of web copy feedback
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If you act on my feedback, I'd appreciate a tiny blurb somewhere on your site saying your landing page was reviewed by Second Look - my content startup. No worries if you decide not to put up the blurb.
This is round 2 of web copy feedback. It also links to round 1.
I hope I'm not too late for the game! We are struggling to find the most efficient way to explain what our service does. It's a service for web designers that have "high-maintenance" clients.
https://www.mailando.co
I think this is a great idea, but you really need some examples on your website, as a developer I understand what it does, but I'm still very confused about how this would work. How does it know which content I want to add, how do images work, ... Maybe just a quick video would help a lot.
I for one love your design Tuomas :)
Too much white space on the right side. Try to make the entire content center aligned.
I agree with @woutr - nice idea but too many open questions. A GIF or video would help far more than words.
https://carrothr.com -- meant to be fun and playful as that's somewhat what we're selling.
👏 Beautiful design, and the copy is quite clear. For the most part, I get what you're doing and why I'd use it. Couple comments:
Under the "Why use CarrotHR" section, you list information about how it works, rather than listing benefits and reasons why I should use it. Then in the "How it works" section, your last point ("Boost Employee Happiness") is actually a benefit.
In general, I think calling rewards "carrots," at least on your homepage, is a bit unnecessary and confusing. I would just stick with rewards at this phase when you're trying to sell people on the idea.
You might benefit from anticipating objections and responding to them. My main objection is that I'm not sure this will be easy to set up and maintain.
EDIT: Sorry to cramp your style, @MeansNoWaaris, I felt like jumping in and responding to one or two of these.
Hah, I'm honored the legend wanted to participate on my thread :).
Your Intercom's welcome wall of text blocked part of the head description before I could read it, I'd suggest you show it a bit later.
gostartupbox.com - very appreciate your help! This is mostly in Chinese, I was wondering should it be just a digital product/ tool box or it could be something kind of like ProductHunt maybe.
I like it. The heading is precise about what your website offers. Have you started marketing it? What is the response like?
I can't read Chinese so I won't be able to comment on that.
Awesome, Sai!
I'm doing some hardcore work to optimize our new visitor > email subscriber funnel so I'd love you to take a look at our eBooks page.
I guess it's not a traditional landing page, but it's where we send a lot of traffic to convert.
https://wpbuffs.com/free-ebooks/
Thanks :)
I may be wrong about this but I think "buff" means "fan or enthusiast" while I believe you want to convey that reading these ebooks will make you an "expert", right?
If so, your subheading should be "Become a WP expert/aficionado" or some such.
Also, your email CTA does not work on Safari. The modal window never appears.
On FF, the failure case statement in the signup modal seems like a general statement about website speed unrelated to the ebooks. I would rephrase it as "No thanks! My site is already fast and secure."
Thanks, Sai!
A "buff" can actually mean somebody who's very knowledgeable so it makes sense. So that subtitle does mean "become a WP expert!"
Hmm, the CTA works for me on Safari. Sometimes it takes 1-2 seconds for the functionality to work because it's set up to have the site load first, then the click trigger.
I've done a lot of A/B testing with this pop up and adding "no thanks" to the opt out text decreases the conversion rate drastically so I'll keep that as-is for now.
Appreciate the feedback! And if you wouldn't mind trying again on Safari to make sure it's working for you, I'd appreciate it :)
I think I know what's happening. Ghostery on Safari is blocking a bunch of your scripts which is probably preventing the modal from working. This might be an edge case considering your average wp user.
Btw, if you want to continue the conversation, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback. For now, it'll just be me but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site.
🙏 https://chatmod.io/
Excellent messaging - crisp, to the point, and focused on your sweet spot i.e., blockchain + telegram + community moderation. Nice work.
E1 - hah, I just noticed how your page title changes, flashes, and even disappears (?) when I leave your page. Very conversational like a community should be. Nice touch.
Thanks for the review! Anything that we are missing?
Can't think of anything off the top of my head.
Btw, if you want to continue the conversation, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback. For now, it'll just be me but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site.
Can I still get criticism? even from other IndieHackers ... please
http://www.noteifyapp.com/activedock/
This is, I think, a really amazing product. Even as an avid Mac tinkerer*, I’ve never even considered switching out the bar.
On mobile, I saw some testimonials before I knew what the bar was supposed to do. In fact, I’m still not totally sure why I would want a new bar.
I think a video would help with selling the benefits, along with messaging about why this is better put right at the top (testimonials can serve as social proof lower down).
That said, I’d love to know more about why this is so much better than my current bar! Thanks for sharing.
thank you very much, my page needs to be updated ...
sorry I did not understand your phrase (maybe because I'm using Google Translate) could you tell me more ..
what about the replacement Command-Tab
;-)
the most successful my products arose when I wanted to change something when working with my Mac
Oh yep! Sorry.
The application Alfred is a similar kind of application to what you have. They also need to find ways to convince people to replace their Mac technology with a new technology. You might be able to learn a lot from seeing how Alfred communicates the message to their customers.
Hope that’s helpful!
I'm on a Mac so I should be in your target customer segment so my feedback is as a potential buyer.
"Apple Dock replacement" ?
Tbh, when I saw the home page, I was not impressed. It had no social proof plus it had the above issue with repeated subheadings. You're probably losing conversions here.
Since I had committed to giving feedback I scrolled down to see testimonials which gave me confidence that yours was a legitimate app. I would either reduce the size of the hero image and bring testimonials above the fold OR add a gif above the fold showcasing the best features of the ActiveDock.
https://jobbuddy.app - appreciate any feedback :D
Nothing helpful, just want to say that I “got” it and would sign up if I was trying to solve this problem.
It can be tough to market to an audience that comes into and out of your target market so quickly...(hopefully “job seeker” is a temporary status). best of luck!
Thanks for the feedback :)
You have some typos, I'd suggest checking everything with https://www.grammarly.com/
What is your primary product? Is it providing a search/filter for millions of jobs or a dashboard to manage the application process once I have started applying for new jobs?
If it's the first, you are going to have a tough time competing with Google. If the second, you need to highlight that aspect a lot more because right now, the copy focuses too much on the size of the job pool.
It's the second, I'm not gonna enter that market as Job board or aggregator. I'm just on top of it with a tracking system for job offers
Then the ideal copy would focus on how much of a pain it is to manage the job application process instead of the number of jobs available.
Btw, if you want to continue the conversation, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
Makerlog
Love it - crisp, to the point headline and subheading which describes the value your product brings. I couldn't do better myself! Nice work.
Thank you!
Cool demonstration of how Makerlog works but you can't see the footer because of the infinite scrolling!
Would love to hear your thoughts :)
http://fastbmk.com/
Man, I feel terrible but this thread is long over. You could sign up for the Second Look forum and ask for feedback there. It'll probably be me giving feedback (later today or tomorrow) but you have a better chance of getting feedback from others there than on this thread.
I would love some feedback for my site
https://www.leadmine.net
Thanks for your time.
Hey this thread is over but if post your link on the Second Look forum, you can crowdsource feedback for your site. It’s FREE and signing pub takes a couple of seconds.
Many thanks, Sai.
I've just created https://www.travelseo.co.uk and would love some feedback.
Hey, this thread is now closed but if you want real time feedback on TravelSEO, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
People have already started posting their website review requests there so you're not going to be stuck in a ghost town.
For now, it'll just be me giving feedback but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site and giving you actionable insights.
https://archbee.io -- architecture diagrams for software development teams
Hey, this thread is now closed but if you want real time feedback on ArchBee, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
People have already started posting their website review requests there so you're not going to be stuck in a ghost town.
For now, it'll just be me giving feedback but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site and giving you actionable insights.
Please comment: https://sievechain.com/
This is my very first try! Also English is not my cup of tea.
I wrote some description here on IH: https://www.indiehackers.com/forum/made-mvp-and-simple-landing-page-need-your-advice-what-to-improve-b1b3f61aa5
Hope i'm not late!
Unfortunately, this thread is now closed but if you want to continue, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
For now, it'll just be me but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site.
Hi Sai, thank you for doing this. Can you please take a look at https://referralessentials.thinkific.com/. I appreciate it, Kevin
Unfortunately, this thread is now closed but if you want to continue, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
For now, it'll just be me but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site.
https://abot.app/ has recently been redesigned. Any feedback will be appreciated :)
Hey, this thread is now closed but if you want real time feedback on ArchBee, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
People have already started posting their website review requests there so you're not going to be stuck in a ghost town.
For now, it'll just be me giving feedback but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site and giving you actionable insights.
I appreciate all feedback (if you have time) - https://www.cloudsprt.uk
Thanks in advance
Unfortunately, this thread is now closed but if you want to continue, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
For now, it'll just be me but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site.
I'm not (maybe?) in the target audience but I didn't grasp what your product actually does and why would I need it. The footer also looks like it's missing styles.
https://sitebot.ai/ - I've been tinkering with the landing page for a month and would appreciate feedback!
Hey, this thread is now closed but if you want real time feedback on ArchBee, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
People have already started posting their website review requests there so you're not going to be stuck in a ghost town.
For now, it'll just be me giving feedback but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site and giving you actionable insights.
Any feedback is always appreciated!
https://stuckd.com
Thanks for your time
Unfortunately, this thread is now closed but if you want to continue, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
For now, it'll just be me but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site.
Why or who needs stuckd? You're only listing features and not communicating why would I need those.
Thanks Hannu, you are right, I'm working on a list of benefits/use cases!
Thanks for doing this!
My landing page is https://kanbanmail.app. I'll be releasing a beta in about a week, so for the moment the login / try / buy links go to an email list form. But the Sign Up link takes you to a pricing page.
Your headline sparks interest, but the endless John Smith and lorem ipsum kills it. Does John Smith have 5 lorem ipsum tasks in progress? Show me how to really use KanbanMail!
@qkls Do you think this is some good example data for the screenshot? https://kanbanmail.app/img/previews/2/2.png
That looks good! Musk and Edison ones are funny.
Haha thanks for the feedback 😄
I'll work out a set of 'example screenshot' JSON data that I can plug in before taking a screenshot 👍
Unfortunately, this thread is now closed but if you want to continue, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
For now, it'll just be me but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site.
I would love some feedback as well, others are free to join in, I'd love to hear what I can improve ;
https://laravel-tenancy.com
I like the new layout of the website!
Thanks, it's a huge improvement compared to my own feeble attempts in the past.
I have used Laravel in the past but "Tenancy allows you to easily scaffold a multi-tenant SaaS platform on top of the Laravel framework." tells me nothing. Does every Laravel dev today know what tenancy is?
Gorgeous layout though!
No, not tenancy, hence the additional description "multi-tenant SaaS platform". For developers to understand they are looking for multi tenancy while describing a SaaS like JIRA etc most often requires them to ask that question. Once they understand they're looking for multi tenancy it's just a matter of time to discover the package.
Glad to hear your like the design!
https://fullservice.co/ - what do you think?
The page is clear and good but "Our partners & tools" sounds sketchy. Which of those companies is your partner?
Good point! I will look into it.
https://medium.com/artisana/fullservice-a7de1b128396
Hope the feedback helps. Btw, if your service offering needs a UX writing expert, I'd like to throw my hat in the ring to provide that service.
Thanks a lot for the feedback, Sai!
httptoolkit.tech - developer toolkit to build, test & debug HTTP
The heading and sub look great. If anything, I'd add what exactly the toolkit does in the subheading.
I'd use something like "Analyze your http endpoints with this beautiful and open source..." instead of just "beautiful and open-source.."
https://soccercruit.com - Simplifying the college soccer recruiting process for student-athletes and their parents. Meant to target individual athletes/parents and also competitive soccer clubs.
Hmm, why would an athlete or a parent trust your site instead of trusting the college's own process for handling athletes? Do you have any special talents that make your process better? If so, you should focus on that rather than a generic landing page.
E.g., a doctor's website always highlights the doctor and their achievements even if they provide the most basic medical treatments imaginable. I would present you as the face of soccercruit - the person parents can trust because they have XYZ skills and connections.
Hey Saj,
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I think if I would have explained a bit more about the space my landing page may have made more sense to you but why did you think it was so generic? It would be good to know how to fix that.
A little background - I played college soccer at Michigan and was successful after not being very highly recruited. Over the last few weeks I have called and have had great conversations with a few college coaches on what they think of current software that student-athletes use to help them get recruited and what they think could be great for Soccer athletes as competitors target every sport. I have a lot of great ideas, a great knowledge of the space but would love to get the messaging spot on. I thought it was clear but if morning please let me know.
Also, I was planning on adding an about me section but I really do not want me to be the product. I tried that before and it isn’t not scalable and I need this to be as automated as possible which isn’t why I am going the SaaS route.
Thanks!
If your target market is athletes, you should be speaking to them, not coaches, and deriving your messaging from them. As it stands, "College Soccer Recruiting. Made Simple." is tooooo broad. It could be for coaches, for athletes, for scouts, maybe even for fans who eagerly follow the draft.
What about the recruitment process can you simplify for an athlete? If I were an athlete, what one feature would convince me that you know what you are talking about? You need to identify and highlight that. It could be that you provide a simple dashboard to track workouts and stats to be given to scouts but name that thing!
Also, much as we hate it, online is still a very person-driven space. People need to trust you before they can trust your process. You cannot avoid an About page.
Hey Sai, I am updating the page now. Please let me know what you think. I have a great feeling with "Empowering student-athletes to play College Soccer" as my headline as that is my goal and what I am actually trying to do with the product.
Personally, I am not a fan of MBA speak like "empowering" and "synergy". I'd have used the EXACT item or feature which empowers my user. It's the age-old startup debate between painkillers and vitamins.
While people buy painkillers (read "subscribe or buy a product") to solve an immediate need, they defer vitamin purchases.
Using language like "empowering" takes you into vitamin territory. See if your language can highlight a painkiller.
Btw, this thread is now closed but if you want to continue, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
For now, it'll just be me but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site.
https://www.signmyemails.com - Beautiful HTML email signatures for your brand.
I like the home page. Crisp heading where you quickly explain the value of using your product. Nice work.
http://tetelo.oneupapp.io/
By itself, I understand the value of Tetelo but the site feels unfinished. I don't see pricing, scheduling details. It is also missing an FAQ and About pages. Are you in the MVP phase?
Yes. It is still on MVP phase and we are trying to get early users.
https://filiosoft.com - We definitely need to work on it...
https://medium.com/artisana/filiosoft-82238412d546
Hope this helps.
Just put this up a few days ago - https://voiciety.landen.co/
https://medium.com/artisana/voiciety-dc17d2d93bb8
Here you go. In a nutshell, get to your value statement immediately. Don't bury the lede.
Great idea! I run failory.com, a site where I weekly publish interviews with startup owners. Any idea on how to improve the homepage?
Sorry for the delay. IH was acting up a few hours ago, not letting me post to it.
Feedback - the site is fine as is. Not much I would tweak to it.
https://www.swapcard.com Waiting for you comments :D
The top of the page looks busy with the cookie box and chat popping up. I'm not immediately sure where I should focus first.
Thanks for your feedback, Hannu!
Not sure where my response disappeared but here goes https://medium.com/artisana/swapcard-ea72509a2df2
Your value to event organizers wasn't coming through clearly because it focused on the event size etc instead of the reason why Swapcard actually works - it works by making the event addictive to the attendee. The updated copy reflects that.
Thankyouu :D
Here's something I'm working on: http://thisisagame.email/
Your audience for this newsletter is going to be someone tangentially interested in gaming (like a reporter maybe), not wholly immersed in it. Someone immersed in gaming would probably want to read those same bazillion blogs that you read.
With this in mind, I'd want to see some potential benefits of outsourcing my reading to you. Maybe you read publications no one has heard about or in languages your customers may not speak? Tell me if you do. Maybe you discovered a game which became big a few months later? Tell me if you did. Like I said, why should I trust your curation?
As of now, your copy is all about you and not much about me.
THANKS!
My page is not really a landing page, but it would be so helpful to have some input: www.swoosey.com
If I were a startup, I can't say I'd be comfortable with you wanting to take over my business when you say "Let us take over".
I'd go with something friendlier - maybe "Let us handle your customer support while you focus on growing your business."?
Thanks! That makes a lot of sense. I am going to review and see if I can be friendlier.
http://immersejobs.com/ Can't wait :D
You've done a great job explaining why the board exists and for what niche. I have nothing to critique :'(. I even liked the monotype font used for the site name. Nice touch!
Thank you, Sai!
https://www.codingvideoz.com I want it to come across as 'a not serious learning option'
I believe it achieves its purpose of appearing to be a fun place to learn coding.
Have you looked into using whiteboard gifs to explain why the website exists? You could replace all that text with a short gif in keeping with the concept of using videos to deliver information.
Thanks so much Sai, will give the gif a shot.
https://photawe.landen.co - my dear request is to look at the content and the pics, and give comment on those. The rest I will throw out anyway - still looking into another landing page maker. Thanks!
The content explains the problem Phot-Awe solves quite clearly but I'll have to see your updated landing page to give better feedback.
Awesome, thanks! Will come back when that happens. If you remember, which do you think is the catchiest - from the benefits, that is?
Sorry, I don't :(.
Btw, this thread is now closed but if you want to continue, Second Look now has a Forum where you can crowdsource website feedback.
For now, it'll just be me but hopefully over time you'll get more people looking at your site.
Awesome idea.
https://www.datagekko.com
Take a look at this feedback and see if it can inform your UI/web copy - https://medium.com/artisana/hostedmetrics-ada55e35167f
Basically, if I am an IoT person looking for a solution that datagekko provides, I want to see names of technologies. Just "telemetry" is too high-level. Can it work with Azure's and AWS' iot offerings? What encryption does it use? (I'm basically pulling questions out of my backside but your average IoT customer will want specifics.) I want to be hand held to the checkout page because I don't know you from Adam.
Once again thanks for the great input.
I've updated the landing page with your comments in mind with a slight twist to the approach. Care to share another opinnion?
Thanks for the feedback. Not really applicable in the common sense right now as a lot of it is fairly custom (thus some very cool advantages - though some of it pretty niche). The general idea though looks nice and a great way to build trust. Will definitely sleep over this one!
Hey man, remember reading one of your posts a while back, have you released yet?
Hey, awesome to hear people actually notice me around. I've been having lots of fun in the community lately.
The launch is progressing at an incredible speed - much faster than I initially aimed, however, it is yet to happen. Current optimistic ETA is some 2 weeks from now, but a more realistic version is sometime end of this month. Will probably soft launch and go with it for a few days till everything is ready for a more public launch.
BTW would love to chat if you're interested in the topic!
Http://write.pub - writing app with seamless versioning and graphical difference visualization
https://medium.com/artisana/write-pub-4c24a33d01b5
Sorry it took a bit to respond to you. Until the end, I couldn't put my finger on what I'd do differently. Hope the feedback helps.
E1 - you need https. We're in the 21st century man!
If you like this feedback and act on it, I'd appreciate a line on your website saying "Content Assistance by Second Look"
Thank you for your time and feedback
http://collecttrust.com/
We're in pre-launch mode for our new application that automatically captures your customer's positive experiences.
I like the layout overall
I'm not sure why there's an audio ad playing in the background, I guess it annoying because I have no controls (to end, or pause).
The modal does not show error when I don't enter my name for the waiting list form.
when there's an error from not entering my email, I'm not sure why the error message is floated to the right?
I believe the color of the text is mostly black, however, a darker shade of grey would look more appealing (opinion).
Also, the font weight is way too much in my opinion
I don't think you need the hr element at the end of the estimated pricing section.
I would recommend bringing your icons to life by adding colors. eg (twitter icon could be blue).
Also, I think the check your position button on the estimated pricing section is redundant (you have it in the fixed header and also on the background picture already at the top of the page ).
Wow, I never noticed that I had a Youtube video in a modal that was from another website I used this layout on; not sure why it autoplayed for you, but I've removed it.
Really appreciate all your feedback, super helpful.
Man, that audio was terrible. I'm so used to safari blocking audio that when I opened the page in FF, I couldn't figure out where the audio was coming from.
OP, the CTA does not work on Safari. FYI.
https://medium.com/artisana/collecttrust-e0efa03afe7a
If you like this feedback and act on it, I'd appreciate a line on your website saying "Content Assistance by Second Look"...you don't have to though.
Really appreciate it, I will have a look.
https://phppointofsale.com
Would love your thoughts
Hmm, I like the message on the first slide but the carousel behavior is a little offputting. That is more of a UX question so you may want to get a second opinion but it is a little intimidating when the entire image+text slides off screen.
Since you already have icons below, maybe you could let your users click on them to see the next slide. Just a thought.
Also, the site looks a little a parked page. I feel you need more UX help to identify nicer fonts and present the idea of phppos in a gentler manner.
I'm not a UX guy so take what I say with a pinch of salt.
What makes it look like a parked page specifically?
I think it's the generic font (Helvetica?) without much heart. Like I said, I'm not a UX expert.
Would like you to have a look and share your thoughts.
https://learnioscoding.com/
Thanks
Here you go - https://medium.com/artisana/learnioscoding-com-12b51b35de59
If you like this feedback and act on it, I'd appreciate a line on your website saying "Content Assistance by Second Look". You don't have to do this btw.
This comment was deleted 3 months ago.