Product Descriptions: Cute vs Business-y Tone
We're putting the final touches on our Coming Soon page and it's now time for the ever critical polishing of the (drumroll please 🥁) product details.
The thing that (metaphorically) keeps me up at night is the above the fold H1 and sub text. Essentially, what's the sexiest way to capture what the product is and how it will improve your life.
Those 4-7 words can really make or break a landing page. Increase or decrease bounce rate. Or even just allow your product to be memerable to a visitor.
Talking with other business owners on what type of language resonates the best with them we found that more natural and friendly language would be best.
Makes sense.
You don't want to sound like an IBM brochure. (Unless you're IBM 💁🏻♂️).
But the hard part is finding that balance between cute/friendly/human and professional/quality/exact.
You ever see a TV show or movie where the stereotypical “nerd” is describing their invention in a bunch of industry and complex words, only to dumb it down for the confused audience he’s describing it to?
“It’s an automatic hydro compressor with built in grain turbine for malecular flavor!”
“...🤨🤨🤨🤨"
"It's a coffee machine. 🙄"
Usually you sacrifice exactness when you try and be too cute with your descriptions. But if you describe your product for exactly what it is, you run the risk of sounding like a robot.
I think it's one of the tougher things to be able to do for your brand/landing page.
Anybody run into similar product description woes?
Each product is different to it's market but have you noticed a style of language that resonates better with your market?
If so, what's the product and what type of market is it?
Oh this is a good post and question to pose. I'm struggling with it currently for my app as I'm looking for a redesign. My logo/mascot is a dog and my tagline is "your running music companion" (https://harvy.app) but my design style (right now) doesn't reflect any dog-like feelings. It's a neutral tone color scheme without much imagery. When you think of a dog though, and the dog being a companion, you think of dogs being excited, happy, jumping up and down, etc. So how do you convey that same feeling inside an application?
At the same time...I like the minimalistic, lots of white space feel. So does the creator get to have input in the output? 😉The phrasing I came up with was "playfully minimalistic" (or should it be "minimalistic-ly playful")
I think it's a tough part of design to find the right balance for it all. Interested to hear what others say though!
Fer sher! I've always struggled with brand personality. I always want to lean towards fun, playful, tongue-in-cheek. That's more my personal style so it feels more natural.
But when you're trying to sell quality to serious businesses, is that actually coming off tone def?
I think the answer depends on a million things but I guess the main two things would be the type of product and your target market.
So some $4.99/month widget targetted at startups can be a bit more fun and playful. You don't need to sound like this enterprise solution if it's a $4.99/month product.
While, if your product is a bit more expensive, claiming to solve a much larger problem, targetted to buyers who are higher up the corporate ladder, the tone may need to be a bit more textbook to resonate and gain the trust of the buyer.
Those are my initial thoughts but I'm sure there are 100 examples that display the exact opposite of what I said. And when presented, I'll take my foot out of my mouth. 😬
Yeeeeeep.
As one of those "recovering perfectionists", this is totally a thing that stresses me out. One thing I've had to drill into my brain is that it's not permanent and that those few lines won't make or break the sale.
You can (and should!) be updating your coming soon page frequently. What feels like the right language today will be different in 2 weeks when you know your audience better. You can also A/B test two different pages if you want to get data behind it off the bat.
People will respond to how that page/offering overall makes them feel, not necessarily every word. Being clear about who it's for and what it does is the most important. When in doubt, start with simple :)
Also, is the rest of your copy cutesy or no? It would make sense to match the rest of your tone so that it's a consistent experience.
Who is the target market? Why do they need it? Why is yours the best option?
We help printers generate more revenue by teaching them how to become a digital agency because outsourcing is too expensive.
We help dentists use social media to get a steady stream of new clients by making sure the wait time is less then 15 minutes.
I like that format. That would be good for the subtext below the main above the fold headline.
I guess the tone problem isn't as bad as long as what you're saying answers those questions.
Basically tells them they are in the right place. Then briefly explain why you are different. Also eliminates not ideal clients and tire kickers.