Do you really need to finish your project this month?

Anyone else stressing themselves out with their end-of-year deadlines? 🙋‍♂️

I often stress myself out in December by scrambling to finish my projects before the new year. That way I can share all I did this year and feel good about myself. It's part of a cycle that might sound familiar to my fellow high-achievers: Achievements -> Validation -> Self-love.

Here's how it usually goes:

while(alive) {
  chaseAccomplishments() {
    if (succeeded) {
      getValidation().then(
          loveSelf())
    } else {
    noValidation().then(
     criticizeSelf())
    }
}

External validation fuels this cycle. If I get enough impressive things done this year, I'll earn enough praise to power me through to next. But missing a deadline or goal takes a big toll on my self-image.

A few things that have been helping me:

Believing that self-worth is not attached to accomplishments. We're all worth the same--no more, no less. No external validation necessary.
Focusing on the energy I can give, rather than the praise I should receive. Here's how that looks:

while (alive) {
   learnings =  give(timeAndEnergy)
   apply(learnings) 
}

This cycle is more sustainable because it eliminates the need for yearly deadlines & validation. Give your best effort, learn from what happens, and take those learnings into your next endeavor -- that's it.

For me, that means I'm not frantically trying to finish my calendar app before the end of the month like I normally would. It'd sure feel good to get it done this year, but spending more quality time with friends & family this month will feel even better.

Loosening my grip on end-of-year goals has definitely helped my sanity. But I'm still working on breaking free from the achievement cycle. If you've also dealt with this, I'd love to hear what worked for you.