Feedback on my writing
Hi all,
We are establishing Pandier as a modern email first magazine. We're targeting eCommerce for now (people building online businesses).
We're experimenting with different types of content to see what people find interesting and in our latest blog post (https://www.pandier.com/blog/the-content-kings-four-tips-to-build-wealth) we're summarising Felix Dennis' tips for entrepreneurs.
Would love feedback on the writing — at least I think Dennis is a crazy cool person.
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A couple thoughts... Your intro paragraphs are a bit choppy with a few sentence fragments ("If you are in it for the glory."). Second, you didn't give me enough about Dennis to care about his opinion or read on. Perhaps a paragraph and a picture would get me hooked (he is, after all, the hook). Finally, I'd love your own spin on his quotes. The quotes are fine, but what insight can you wrap them in that gives me something to think about and implement? Hope this helps. Congrats from writing something; that is always the hardest part :)