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3 Comments

How can I improve this email that doesn't scale?

Hey everyone.
A few days ago I finally got around to reading Do Things That Don't Scale. The examples in the article paired with those in the books Start Small, Stay Small by Rob Walling and Company of One by Paul Jarvis really got my gears turning.

I've decided to personally email each and every one of the early adopters of v1 of the web app. Here's the template.

//Start//
Hey [Name or first part of email],

[If we met personally, remind them of the details].

I want to personally let you know that JustFitness.io has undergone a massive update and your free trial has been reset.
The previous version of the app needed a ton of more work and I really appreciated your willingness to try it out anyway.
You were one of the first people to sign up outside of friend and family.

A lot has changed with the app since then and I hope that you’re willing to give it a shot once again.

Here are some of the changes:

  • The price has been significantly reduced.
  • The 30 day trial has been replaced with a 15 free session log trial. That way you can take your time and not have your rest days count against you.
  • The entire look and feel of the application has been rebuilt from the ground up.
  • You can now install the application on iOS for full cross-device synchronization.

I am committed to making JustFitness.io your goto app for logging your workouts.
If you run into any issues or if you have any suggestions on how I can improve it; feel free to reach out.
You can contact me via the following channels:

[Redacted for brevity]

Please note that JustFitness.io is a Progressive Web App. You will not find it in Google’s Play Store nor Apple’s App Store.
To install; go to https://JustFitness.io and add it to your Home Screen on Android or iOS.

Once again; Thanks for your interest and support and I wish you the best of gains :D
//END

How can I improve this email?

Do Things That Don't Scale
http://paulgraham.com/ds.html

  1. 2

    Only thing I can think of is to get rid of
    "The previous version of the app needed a ton of more work and I really appreciated your willingness to try it out anyway."

    Maybe it's just me but I think it lacks professionalism. Maybe change it to something like, "I've made a ton of improvements from the previous version and I appreciate your willingingness to try it out."

    Hope this helps. ALl the best!

    1. 1

      Nope. Not just you.
      I completely agree.
      Thank you.

  2. 1

    Hey there! I would like to help. You’ve done a big update and you’re excited to get people using the app again, right? Let’s give it a bit more bounce and optimism. Here’s how I’d modify your email:

    //Start//
    Hey [Name or first part of email],

    [If we met personally, remind them of the details].

    I want to you know that JustFitness.io has undergone a massive update and you’re getting a new free trial.

    The previous version of the app needed a ton of work! But you were one of the first people to sign up outside of friends and family and your support has driven this new and better version.

    I’ve made big improvements:

    • You can now install the application on iOS for full cross-device synchronization.
    • I’ve rebuilt the entire look and feel of the app for a [friendlier, more intuitive] experience.
    • I’ve reduced the price significantly so more people can benefit from it.
    • I’ve replaced the 30-day trial with a trial of 15 FREE session logs. You can take your time and not have your rest days count against you.

    I am committed to making JustFitness.io your go-to app for workout logs. I hope that you’re willing to give it a shot again.

    Any issues or suggestions on how I can further improve it, feel free to contact me:

    [Redacted for brevity]

    Lastly, please note that JustFitness.io is a Progressive Web App. You will not find it in Google’s Play Store nor Apple’s App Store.

    To install, simply go to https://JustFitness.io and add it to your Home Screen on Android or iOS.

    Thanks for your interest and support. I wish you the best of gains!

    //END

    Some of the changes:

    • Shortened from 268 to 237 words
    • “You’re getting a new free trial” is more exciting than “your trial has been reset”
    • “Improvements” instead of “changes” so it’s clear the app is a step up
    • Rearranged the bullet points so you start with two in-app benefits. Just confirm or change the words “friendlier, more intuitive” (hence they’re in brackets) to whatever is appropriate. The point is to state how the redesign helps the user
    • Saying “I’ve reduced, I’ve rebuilt, I’ve replaced” sounds both more active and personal
    • “15 FREE session logs” sounds more enticing? Don’t know if the phrasing is technically accurate but it flows better than “15 free session log trial” (plus FREE is nice and big!)

    You’ll see where I also made a few other changes.

    Hope this helps in some way.

    Best,
    Dan

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