Indie Hackers Podcast Interview: Maybe I Should Start Listening to Myself.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and wonder, "What the hell am I even doing?"

"Why am I doing this?"

"Why should I even keep trying?"

"There are other companies like mine that are way more successful!"

I do, and I did this morning. To be honest with you, I had trouble even getting out of bed and starting the proverbial "daily grind."

A few weeks ago I interviewed with Courtland for the IndieHackers podcast, and I am so honored and excited that I had the opportunity of doing so. The podcast came out a few days ago, and once I saw my episode on Spotify, my stomach dropped. I consistently flock to those negative thoughts, which I mention quite frequently in the podcast, that emanate discouraging words in my brain. Perhaps others know what I am talking about, but I didn't want to listen to my podcast at all. I thought...

"What if I sound stupid?"

"What if I come off as pretentious or conceited?"

"Can people see right through me? Am I a fraud?"

I pushed play on the podcast and sat in my car and listened. After listening for a bit, I thought it turned out pretty good, and I started to become proud of myself. Then, all of the sudden, I got hit by a ton of bricks. At the end of every IndieHackers podcast Courtland asks, "What advice do you have to give to others who are looking to get started?"

My answer:

"So, frustration is something that is going to happen, and your feelings are valid. I just want to tell you that. My advice would be...don't let other successful companies in the same field become a deterrent to your success. A lot of times I would look at companies that were similar to mine, I would see how well they were doing, and I would say, 'You know what? I'm NOT going to get there. I CAN'T do this. And I think it is so important to tell your self I CAN. I CAN do this and I WILL do this.' Just focus on your business, focus on what you care about, and if you do become discouraged, don't stay in that discouragement. Use that discouragement as fuel to grow and to get better."

I woke up this morning not taking my own advice. I woke up this morning letting other companies successes become my own deterrent. It's funny how life works, isn't it?

It is really hard, and sometimes seems absolutely impossible, to get yourself out of that negative mindset, and to free yourself from the negative self-talk. When I was interviewing, I felt like I was on top of a beautiful Hawaiian mountain, but afterwards the bad thoughts started creeping in about whether or not people would actually like what I said.

Why am I writing this today? Why am I telling you my personal, innermost thoughts, the ones that I woke up with?

Because frustration IS going to happen, and that is okay.

Because I refuse to hide behind these thoughts. I refuse to just keep them to myself and put on this facade that everything is great, and I hope that you, if you are struggling with this, know that this is normal. Days like these are normal. There is nothing wrong with you. Some days are going to be great, and other days are going to make you feel like you want to throw your computer out of the window and just say, "f*** it."

Owning a business is hard. Behind the smile I put on is a frightened person who consistently thinks she is going to fail.

So, why did I get out of bed today when I was feeling bad about myself and my situation?

I went back to that podcast.

I listened to what I had to say. I actually listened to my own advice for ONCE.

Now I am at the office writing this, hoping that I am not the only one out there who thinks these things about myself and my business. I am in regular clothes and out of my pajamas. I am sitting up straight with my feet grounded. I am looking forward and not behind. I am telling myself, "I CAN." Today, I conquered the "I CANT'S."

Now, I can't say what tomorrow will bring. I can't say that the sneaky "I CANT'S" won't come strolling in through one ear and setting up camp.

BUT.

Today is all that I have, so I will focus on the now. I will work today, I will check things off my to-do list, respond to emails, and maybe I will even record a video for my social media.

And you know what? Tomorrow is a new today, and maybe it won't be so bad after all. Maybe I will get up right when my alarm goes off and whistle on my way to work. Like I said, it's funny how life works, isn't it?