Intj, add, dismissive avoidant, mdd, bipolar, anxiety
How to be normal....
Second guessing messages, " whats the normal thing to say" then giving up and recoiling back into isolation. Trauma from the times ive been myself and people drop me.... Im in a cycle of killing the old self and trying on different clothes to see which one is acceptable....
Masking/people pleasing to try mirror the norms so that i can fit in, but.... Never turns out well.
Dont remember who I am.... Who am i.... My memory is destroyed from my mental disorders....
Sabotaging relationships because i dont seem to understand social construct, ive been alone all my life besides being in a disfunctional family
I've been fired/not been able to keep a job/get hired this very reason because i dont clique with the crew..... Despite me trying....
Not trying to have relationships because i feel unstable but the more i isolate the more unstable i feel ....
I feel like im going crazy
Not having a person to talk to except my therapist for the only reason being i pay him so I dont feel bad, otherwise wouldnt want to burden anyone else, not because hes been helpful....
There's no one to actually reach out to... I feel like im going crazy
Dude, send me your Twitter, or what ever you use. I'll talk with you!
Are you all right buddy ?
I surely can not imagine what you are going through but all I can say is don't take things too seriously and remember this too shall pass.
I am no expert but I am available for a chat whenever you want, just reply me back here.
... dissociation. Out of touch with my body/terrestrial, reality... But reality is multidimensional.... I feel though everyone is in tune to one frequency and im off by 10. Hard to connect with people. People speak in words, ... Words limiting. Cant say all there is that you know, you feel. Most times cant even understand what it is you know and feel. Wish i could translate like telepathy, sometimes i meet people that can understand in silence with just looking in the eyes and then there are people that just speak and it doesnt mean anything and just the same i look in their eyes and there isnt anything. They look but dont see me. Know of me like you know of an item because of the packaging but you dont actually know
of the item inside. And we communicate and operate in this simulation with our outer self but never our inner self and its alienating.
Everyone is our of tune , every single one, some just pretend to be in tune, so dont worry.
Its fine if everone doesnt get you or you dont get some folks, thats totally fine.
Btw, what brings you to indiehacker, are you a maker ,do you code or do you have projects in mind ? Share some of those projects or ideas here.
Ive a multitude of platforms i reach out to for self education/development/healing... Trying to find one most responsive.... Most dead ends (ie insta, fb....) Found indiehacker through tiktok. Trying it out.
besides health, need help with a startup. Cpa. Business education. Etc
I need serious help.... But theres no help out here... I just want to die. Every day.
You're definitely not alone, even though it may seem like it to you now, there are so many people going through the same things you are. There's always hope and there's always help. Don't give up!
I'm a fellow INTJ with anxiety and I can definitely relate to what you're describing. Happy to chat if you'd like to.
I made a comment above.... To add, those people you make connection with eyes .... It never seem to last. Some corrupt the connection.... Some fear the connection , return to shallow where its safe.... Or am i out of touch with what is normal. I'm the weird one...
.... I have two friends but i cant seem to speak to them when im in my lows... Cant seem to feel close... Friends but at a distance.....
Why is it more attractive to speak to strangers....
Speaking to strangers is less risky - nothing to lose. You can reach me via twitter or email that are listed on my IH profile, if you'd like to chat.