ISO writing critique partner!
Hello friends! Is anyone else looking for a partner to swap writing with and exchange critiques? I'm a content marketer at a small tech start up. If anyone has any thoughts on my recent post (linked below), I would love some feedback!
https://rewind.com/resources/i-needed-an-undo-button-for-my-shopify-store/
If you have something I could critique, put it in the comments! Let's strengthen our skills together :)
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P.S. I haven't any copy for you to read for me but I have this logo that I'm working on for my start-up, a local land and Natural Resource Mgt company. I could have you look at it but I'm stuck! So I don't have anything right at the moment...
I read it and I'm a freelance writer with 10+ years experience so here's my critique...
The storyline seems backwards to me, as if the copy under the box ( 1/4 the way down) needs to be closer to the top. Your H1/ title caught my attention then I got lost in "full stack developer lingo". I'm not trying to be brutal but I've been there myself. I was in the medical field for 10 yrs and yes, lingo can be extremely difficult to shake off. So, these are my suggestions-
Bring it down a notch. Think of the least common denominator of reader, the one that knows nothing about coding, and write to them. BUT, keep your techies in mind.
I found a couple of spots where you break tense. First time you describe the company. "They have been in the spiritual area...." Change to "As writers for a spiritual website, blah blah is all too aware of the challenges of working on a website independently". (a terrible sentence but it's just to give you the idea). Something like that. Flip the sentence around like that; turn the 'was' into 'is'.
Swap your copy around a bit from the middle way down to about 3/4 way down (the 'story' section) and bring it up to the top and rework it appropriately, keeping in mind you H2-4 headers. I was interested when I read the title then was lost by the first paragraph. Does this make sense? I don't want to be harsh but that's the only way to get your copy right. Email me if you need any help or have questions. [email protected] - Cheers, Debbe
Hey Debbie! That's some awesome feedback, thank you. "Least common denominator of reader" is a good framework to keep in mind. Also, turning was into is - I do struggle with passive voice creeping in!
I appreciate your time to review! If you ever need anything reviewed, post here or DM me :)