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It took me two years to realize that my co-founder is toxic for me

It took me two years to accept the fact that I really don't like the person I'm working with. And I don't know what I should do now.

This is a post I'm ashamed about, which is why I'm posting it anonymously; this probably means I'm a bad person. But I feel that I need to talk about this to other people. I feel alone, and... trapped.

Two years ago, I embarked on a project with someone I didn't know, but contacted me through a shared contact, proposing to join their startup project. He'd been working on it for a year already and was looking for a technical co-founder.

He immediately positioned himself as CEO, having lots of previous entrepreneurship experience. He also had a technical background.

Before I accepted the offer, I tried to get an idea of "who" the person was by asking a series of questions about his motivations/approach/vision of work & collaboration, etc. At the time, his answers looked "mostly ok" to me. Still, a few answers worried me a bit. For instance, the fact that he didn't care about the "micro-details", or the fact that his goals seemed centered around generating money/wealth. I didn't question that further, but I probably should have...

On my end, I mentioned that the human aspect of the adventure was really important for me, that I had a family, and that it would remain my top priority, no matter what. I talked about empathy and other values that I care deeply about.

During the first few meetings, his "over-seriousness" made me feel uneasy, but I put it aside, thinking that it was just a facade and that it would go away once we agreed to work together. I was a fool.

He told me more about the project, which I really liked, as it was something I really cared about, and a real problem I wanted to help solve. We also had a number of prospects, so validation seemed ok. He presented the project so far, which looked pretty good from a technical standpoint (seen from the outside). I liked the technical stack, had experience with it, and was mostly in line with the choices. I accepted the offer and started working on the project. To me, it was a dream come true, because I knew I wanted to create products, but needed to find a team.

After a week or two, I realized that the whole solution was really weak. Screens were not doing half of what I saw before, there were bugs everywhere, there was no data model, etc. It was a real mess. So I prepared a plan, we discussed it, and gradually rebuilt/improved the situation. Little by little, I took care of project & product management, created a backlog, made projections, created the documentation, implemented solutions for release management, infrastructure & deployments, security, code quality, dependency management & upgrades, troubleshooting & bug fixing, UI & UX, etc. I basically took care of all the technical aspects.

I've spent ~2.5K hours on it so far. In 2020, we were still nowhere. Development was taking ages, and I realized that I was spending a ton of time helping my co-founder troubleshoot basic issues and fixing other ones that were introduced long before I joined. It took a toll on me. Meanwhile, my bank account was going down.

Now, the product is finally in a state where it can be sold, and we've started running demos to potential clients. The feedback is positive, which is good, but we still don't have a single signed client. Worse is that I really question the value of what we've built so far. Meanwhile, my bank account is dry as a desert.

This alone is a very stressful situation, as you can imagine. It's the consequence of a cataclysmic amount of mistakes. And I'm part of the problem of course. But that's not what stresses me the most. That's only one side of my story.

What's worse is that I have realized that I've spent my time with someone that is way too distant from who I am. I'm easy-going, friendly, empathetic, fun, and a nerdy-geek, and my co-founder is anything but.

His seriousness is what defines him the most. My gut feeling during those first meetings was right, and I should've listened. I've come to the conclusion that he's the least empathetic person I know. When I announced that I was going to be a father once more, his reaction was pretty much like "okay, that is good news. So what's the next point on the agenda?". Each time I talked about taking a week off to cool down and recharge my batteries, he replied with things like "We need to put more pressure on ourselves to move forward". He put pressure in insidious ways at each and every occasion. To me, it was toxic, and I had to protect my well-being at multiple occasions, clearly stating my limits/boundaries.

I've also understood that he's really only there for the money; nothing else. Of course money matters, and I'm the first to understand that, since my bank account is almost empty by now. I even had to pour in some of my savings to keep my company afloat.

Money is not my main driver. I care about the problem space, I care about the solution, and I want to help others. But he doesn't; he doesn't care about the product, or me, or anything else. All that matters to him at the end of the day is: money & fame. It's just startup envy (ie I want a big fat startup generating millions). And it's not something that I appreciate. Maybe I should've quit as soon as I understood this.

He's also the most controlling person I've ever met. Almost each and every time I or our other co-founder came up with ideas, those were judged, and rejected swiftly. Each time I express myself, I don't feel at ease, and psychological safety is simply not there.

Meetings & co-working sessions are also an absolute nightmare. They feel procedural, boring, soul-less, and mostly a waste of time. He likes listening to himself most of the time, talking all the time, and never listening or caring about the other voices.

Finally, our epic series of mistakes didn't even scratch the surface of his ego. He's still as over-confident about everything as he was two years ago.

Like everyone else, I also had to cope with Covid, had to endure a lot of stress during those two years, and I feel more alone than I ever was. Maybe it's a burn-out, maybe it's a bore-out; maybe both, I don't know.

It's been two years now, and I've never felt so distant from anyone in my life. Even distant work colleagues I barely worked with in the past knew more about me and my life than my co-founder does after two years of intense collaboration. He simply doesn't care.

I really don't like bad-mouthing. It's just not me. But I feel like I've partnered with some kind of vampire. Someone who benefits from my skills, and only brings darkness into my life. Stated like this, it's quite horrible... But the truth is that without me, that project wouldn't be anywhere close to where it is now.

I feel like I can't stand the situation anymore, I think about it all the time. If I continue, then maybe there's hope it finally sells, but it means continuing to work with someone I can't stand anymore. I've neglected my family to pour in long work hours, for nothing in return.

I don't know how other co-founding teams are, but I personally hoped for something very different. I'm probably too naive...

Since I wrote all this, I suppose that the only sensical decision for me is to resign; abandon the project, take some time off, and find someone closer to me to build awesome things with. But on the other hand, I've spent so much time and energy on this project that abandoning it now feels like the worst. It means losing everything... But if I keep going, there's still no certainty it'll work, and even if it does, I'll be on board with someone that'll just hurt other people.

#feelbad

  1. 21

    I might be guessing, but I don't understand how intelligent people (like you), that understand product tech enough to be paid high 6-figure salaries get seduced by slackers (aka Idea guys) like this "CEO" you are talking about.

    You mention that you've poured 2,500(!!) hours of development into this startup, and you guys don't have a single client yet, a single ONE?!

    Sorry if I'm harsh, but god damn.

    What in the actual **** is the "CEO"'s role? Sell you the dream and have you slave away at it with no end in sight? Wear suits all day long and set up meaningless meetings?

    If I'm joining a startup as a technical co-founder responsible for the product, then my co-founder must be pretty damn good at getting people AND converting them into paying customers.

    From day one.

    At this point, you have nothing to lose. You are a talented engineer, and he seems like an idea guy. You don't realize how dependent he is on you being around.

    My advice is to turn the tables. Halt ALL development unless it's critical, no more new features, no more fulfilling the fantasies of the idea guy.

    It's time for his 2,500 hours.

    Tell him that development is done and he still hasn't closed a single customer, time for him to start performing and to step up. Put pressure on him.

    Call him out on his bullshit meetings, ask him about the status of the clients.

    A simple text message "New clients?" every single week will do.

    1. 2

      Totally agree here ^

      This is your best strategy. Of course, you can possibly close clients too. Switch gears now that it's ready to sell and go hardcore sell mode (this means marketing for a product < $250/month and outbound sales for > $250/month.

      He should be pulling the weight on this.

      In the meantime, why not build some indie projects? reach out to me if you'd want to work together. I love doing random projects! https://twitter.com/nikita_jerschow

  2. 5

    Sounds very difficult for you. I totally get that it seems like the worst possible option to walk away but that's the very definition of "sunk cost fallacy". I'd encourage you to research that and try, as much as possible, to view your situation objectively.

    Secondly, ensure that before you take any action, you check where you are from a legal point of view.

    You've contributed over a year of your working life to this project so if you choose to walk away from it, and the project is magically acquired the next week, you'll want to make sure you are still legally entitled to those spoils. I know that sounds unlikely based on what you've said but strangers thing have happened. Based on what you've said about your co-founder, he doesn't seem like the type of person who would voluntarily cut you in after you've walked away.

    Even aside from the unlikely acquisition outcome, you may still have a right to ask your co-founders to buy out your share if they wish to continue with the project? However, that's purely speculation on my part - as I say, seek professional advice. Good luck.

    1. 2

      Yes Barry, exactly.

      I don't think that he'd cut me in out of good will :)

      I'll try to find a legal counsel specialized in IP matters, to see where I stand.

      I feel emotionally exhausted from all this. Feels like I've given my everything, and it all amounts to nothing, apart time lost and stress.

      I should go back to meditation.

  3. 5

    Wow, crazy story, first time I read something like this and I am truly touched by it.

    I am not sure if I understand it well, but you are with another co-founder too right? How does he think about it? Did you ever talk with him about it? Two versus one is always easier then 1v1.

    From only reading this post I cannot say what I would do, only you can know that, but I would based on this post leave this behind and move on. Again, you know what is best and we as a community should support your decision.

    1. 1

      Yes, there's a third person. I didn't mention any of this to that person because I didn't want to break the trust between us.

      The other person probably doesn't know mostly because of a much more limited involvement. We meet once or twice a week online and that's it.

      1. 3

        Since this is a online community and we don’t know even 1% if the situation based on a message we really cannot give you any good advice, even if others say they can they really cannot. Only you know what’s best, you are in it and we as community should support you with your decision, so if you think it’s best to leave it’s best to leave.

        1. 1

          You're right, this is only a small glimpse into a much more complex reality.

          I don't have anyone to talk about this other than my wife (and it's enough of a burden for her already :p) and this community.

          I'm just seeking ideas at this point, I, of course, need to decide on my own afterwards

          1. 1

            I see, hope the community gives you some ideas and confidence that you will make the right decisions!

            I personally like to communicate a lot (face to face, not online) in situations like these that are about relationships. Listen to what he has to say, try to understand where it is coming from tell what problem you have with him and let him figure out a solution.

            He doesn’t have empathy you said, so he won’t care about your story, but you have to say how you think this is going and that it can’t continue this way, so he knows it’s his turn to come up with a solution.

            But these conversations are hard, you have to have confidence in yourself, let him no bullied you and stay calm and collective.

  4. 4

    AnonHacker, wish I could send you a virtual hug. I've been through this myself too, for nearly whole 2 years. All I can tell you is, cut the ropes ASAP. You have the technical skills to execute on your own ideas and vision. You don't need a business co-founder. Business skills can be learned, connections built. As long as you can execute, you can do anything that you can dream of.

    1. 1

      Thank you.

      Indeed, no matter what happens next, not all is lost. I did grow.

  5. 4

    I was in a very similar situation a couple years ago - my ex-cofounder and I were just very different people and the three years that we worked together were really painful at times. I brought it up to him, he agreed, and we figured out how to split up and move forward, now we're both happy and successful doing our own things. We had raised $7M, team of 40, he was on the board of directors, so it wasn't an easy thing to do.

    It sounds counter-intuitive, but I am so grateful that I went through that experience working with someone that I really don't like working with. It has brought such a deep, powerful gratitude to my life now that I am working with people I like. I've lived the experience of leaving most meetings frustrated, feeling stuck, and just overall not enjoying work because of this person. In a weird way, I can honestly say that I'm happy I went through that. It's made every day since then so much happier, as I can appreciate how bad it was, and subsequently, how good it is now.

    I also felt stuck, but I managed to work up the courage to say how I felt, and I'm so proud of myself for being able to do that. You owe it to yourself to take control of your life and make sure you're doing things and spending time with people that make you happy.

    Co-founder disputes are one of the most common reasons for turmoil in startups, and I think your feeling of "If I leave now, I've wasted all this time" is a really common thing in startupland, dare I say it's a right-of-passage.

    I think you should think pragmatically about your exit strategy (ie. wait for acquisition? leave now? take some stock and leave now?), get out, and then live the rest of your live deeply grateful that you are working with people you like.

    1. 1

      I understand you. Expensive lessons at the same time bet your growth was exponential at that time

  6. 3

    Just joined this platform to post you a comment. I’m someone that had a dysfunctional co-founder relationship which led to me resigning as CEO and installing a close advisor as new CEO. I have been in legal disputes for near on 6 years. Toxic sycophants will continue long after you and take a toll on you and your family. They only amplify with (more) money at stake. You said that your family comes first no matter what, so walk that line now. They’re your priority and not your colleagues.

    You have no revenue, no legal entity, no shareholder agreements. Assuming you are in the US, so get a founder agreement in place asap which values your and your co-founders’ contributions thus far and vest as such. As you control the code and have not been compensated, put an ultimatum down in the agreement that you will release all IP ownership to a legal entity in exchange for equity and/or cash on sales and any fundraise. Ensure any agreement has minority protections including personal exits.

    Do this within the next 1-4 weeks. Start the conversation immediately. Position it as about growing up as a business (not that you have a business yet). It will bring out serious discussion and any suspicions by your other co-founder/team members.

    Once agreements are considered and put in place, you need to take ownership of yourself and direction for the benefit of your family and yourself. I assume that will mean leaving shortly thereafter other than to oversee a technical transition. Leave the place in the best shape you can and the team as equipped as possible.

    Then you need to reset with your family and I suspect join an established team with a good cultural fit working on problems you value. You’ll find space to bring your earned skills to architect and develop something truly satisfying. Good luck.

    1. 1

      Wow, great advice. Thank you for joining and sharing.

    2. 1

      Thanks a lot for this, it's excellent food for thought!

  7. 2

    I finally took the time to read this all. You and I are very similar. Empathetic. Easygoing. Values solving important problems and having quality relationships. I have been burned by cofounders with strong personalities. Twice. One time i almost lost everything. I really can relate to this. Feel free to get connected man. We're kindred souls. My network is your network. If there is anything i can do to help you, let me know

  8. 2

    If you are not sure about what to do I think you try to understand what sunk cost fallacy is.

  9. 1

    I thought I might come back to give you some news about my story.

    Shortly after I posted this on IH, my co-founders and I agreed to take a "summer break", and (according to my co-founder) "try to find ideas about an alternative model/approach we could take to get to market and keep going".

    At that point, it became apparent to me that my co-founder was giving up. The first demos were not overly positive because we missed important features people cared about. We would've known this earlier if only they agreed to discuss with potential customers way earlier like I asked for many times.

    Right after that meeting, I did not hear a single word from either of my co-founders for over a week. Before that, the toxic one was on Slack every single day. From the moment he hit the "pause" button, I didn't exist anymore.

    After a week, I had drafted a document with many potential solutions. I couldn't wait till September so I shared it with them. They did not respond and never showed up on Slack. I was frustrated, but I decided to let go and take care of myself for a bit.

    My wife was expecting and we had many issues during the pregnancy; she was hospitalized a number of times. So, unfortunately, my stress level remained at peak.

    After a month I contacted them by mail, expressing my opinion about the total radio silence, after two years of collaborating day in day out. A few days after, my co-founders replied; both ignoring the part of my mail about my worries, and didn't have anything concrete on their ends. They also didn't give any feedback about my different proposals.

    A few weeks after that I contacted them again to ask about shutting down the unused infrastructure. It was time for me to stop the needless bleeding. Meanwhile I had secured two contracts and was finally filling up the bank with actual money. I felt better!

    In September, I waited for them to come back to me as planned; none of them did; not a single word. I didn't want to be the one doing the first step this time; probably a question of ego; I didn't want to "beg". So I waited.

    I waited until the end of November (!). By then, none of them had came back, either to just say "Hi" or share ideas. Not a single word. By that time, I was finally over the project. Obviously it was dead in the water, but what was shocking for me was the fact that once the "pause" button was hit, I didn't exist anymore. I was just part of a business project; a stranger. This whole situation confirmed everything I thought and shared here in my initial post. For my toxic co-founder, it was case closed, dismissed. I was hurt, but my mind was elsewhere; my son was born in September. All I cared about at that point was him, and my well-being. But I still needed closure.

    In his reply, my co-founder wrote "Our association in its current form simply does not work. Maybe it's not the right time, I don't know exactly. I of course stay open to all discussions, but if it was to work, it would be under a totally different form... that I don't know about". And that was that.

    I replied one more time right after, acknowledging, and asking about the IP. I didn't want to just let all the code rot. To me that was utterly stupid. So I ask them if they agreed to grant me the authorization to use their part of the IP. Of course I did not receive any reply...

    A month after that, just before Christmas, I sent a mail to wish they a great end of the year. One of them replied, but no word about my ealier question (did they even read?).

    On January 6th, I sent one more mail, sending my best wishes, and asking once again about the IP, mentioning my mail from November 28th).

    My co-founder replied a few days ago, with a stone cold tone, lecturing me about how people normally deal with that. He said that we are 3 in the association (there is actually nothing official; no LLC, no founders agreement). He mentioned two options: let me buy their part or pay royalties in case I manage to generate profits (lol).

    I didn't reply so far as I'm still thinking about how to approach this and what to do next. I discussed this once with an lawyer specialized in IP laws. Apparently the third co-founder is not entitled to much as she did not code, and ideas are not worth a penny. She did pay for the UX/UI design together with us though, so there's that. Regarding the source code, I think that 70-80% of the code is mine, but I don't know what legal means can be used to prove that (e.g., would git blame suffice?).

    We paid ~3K for the UX/UI design, so I imagine I could repay them that, and have my toxic co-founder set a price for his part of the code, although most of it is probably stuff I'll want to rewrite because it's crap (yes, I'm quite harsh at this point when I think about all that happened).

    Maybe I should prove exactly which parts of the code I own, pay the UX/UI part, and just rewrite the code that I don't own.

    I'm curious to know if others have faced such a situation around IP, and what ideas you have.

    To conclude, apart from this remaining frustrating IP question, I'm finally over this. I'm now working on a new app with a friend I've met here on IndieHackers. We're having a blast, and I'm looking forward to what's coming next. I wouldn't call this a happy ending because I'm back at square one with nothing much to show for it, but at least I'm free ;-)

    Cheers!

  10. 1

    If all you say is true I think you have a serious challenge to solve. You have two problems, one is of business type and the other is personal. I know nothing about your equity and vetting structure, also the power structure of your company, but given your time and effort investment you should assert yourself and fight for what is yours. You made this software and now it is time for the biz guy to deliver. Being assertive and strong does not mean you have to be nasty or harsh.
    As for the second problem, your co appears to be a handbook psychopath or if you need a softer term a difficult person. I have my share of bad experiences with this type. Per my own life experience, both at work and in life, AVOID!
    Now back to you, go talk with them openly about your biz issues (do not talk psychology and personality), they are totally justified, in a tough and unyielding way, be respectful and nice and all but aim at the exit. You've got a strong position, you may help him/them to find a new tech person, eventually, once you secured a solid exit in equity or dividends.

  11. 1

    Thank you for sharing your story, you're clearly an intelligent, empathetic individual. I've had previous bad startup (though not cofounder) experiences with problematic CEOs that lacked empathy, etc., and it's horrible. A lot of people here have given you useful, concrete advice on getting compensated in some way for the time you've put in (founders agreement, etc.) - however, my sense is you want to just cut your losses and simply move on. I wonder if getting lawyers involved, etc. will cause continued grief on a product that is likely going nowhere, whereas just walking away will do wonders for your mental and emotional health. Good luck and let us know how things go.

  12. 1

    Thanks for writing about this OP. I have been in a very similar situation myself. I ended up doing what @FarouqAldori suggests (a great comment by the way) and laying out an ultimatum. As it sounds like, very similar to my situation he brings nothing to the business. It’s your business at this point.

    If he doesn’t like what you have to offer then you walk away. And if you are pretty like me, you take the code base as you built most of it then try to sell it as you deserve some return.

    It’s a horrible position to be in. But I promise you that there is no good staying. Get the hell out!

    If you want to chat more then please reach out. You are not alone. You can add me on Telegram @thebarbican

  13. 1

    This is sunk-cost fallacy. You already know what to do, now go do it and consider it a nice and valuable learning experience. This too, is part of the process.

  14. 1

    That sounds like a horrible situation to be in. I've not been in anything like that so I'm not going to attempt to give you advice as it would likely be wrong, but I really hope you can get something sorted soon and see the light at the end of the tunnel with whatever you do decide to do.

  15. 1

    This... One bad apple kills a team. I love my current job and the team I work with, but there's one guy that makes me want to blow out my brains. Culture fit is as important as talent.

  16. 1

    Very sad and teaching story. I hope you overcome this situation and become a much stronger person. Building a a new startup business with co-founders is tough and stressfull process, through which even very close friends can become ubearable to eachover.
    Reading through your post I kind of agree with your co-founder approach of being serious about the business, caring about the cash and pushing yourselves hard to get an MVP out of the door. However there is a difference of being serious versus acting seriousnes. Hence, I also agree with others in that each cofounder needs to contribute equally in the effort as for example building customer lists , marketing strategy and onboarding client should be CEO primary responsibility.
    For what is worth my two pennies are, since you have spend two years on this project then stay and see how it converts into sales. But before that, have a frank and heated discussion with you partner to explan the situation. This is quite stressfull but in the end you will feel better.

  17. 1

    Sorry to hear that. Lessons learned.

    I think you need a proper vocation and to find a way of leaving while keeping equity. It even sounds like your "CEO" didn't do much since the initial code was bad, and you did not sign up a single client.

    For god sake, do not just give your labor to someone for free like that!

    You didn't write what equity you agreed upon, but if I am you I would leave and keep it all. If the others are not comfortable with that (understandable), they have to buy you out.

    1. 1

      Indeed, solid lessons learned.

      That's the problem when you're in front of someone that is extremely self-confident and you aren't. You give trust & credit; at least I did.

  18. 1

    do you and the other co-founders share this feeling? Maybe the person who needs to go is him and not you?

    1. 1

      To be honest I don't know. I kept this to myself so far. I didn't know how to bring up the subject without hurting people. So I hurt myself instead.

      I should probably discuss this with my other co-founder, explaining that I can't take it anymore anyway.

  19. 1

    You don't lose everything if you resign. It seems to me that you've learned a lot. That's the most important.

    I've spent a crazy amount of time building stuff which didn't go anywhere. I felt bad about myself for that, but at the same time I've learned a tonne.

    I'm not you, I'm not in your situation, so you need to take the decision by yourself. But your ideas, your products, whatever you're creating is not you. It's not even a part of your identity.

    Easier said than done, of course. But I think anyone can walk away from a creation. It hurts at the beginning, then it's fine.

    Health (yours and the ones around you) is the only thing we should really care about.

  20. 1

    Even though this is written anonymously, it took a lot of courage to put these words to paper.

    Sometimes it's easier to unload your deepest feelings to a stranger, so serious offer here: if you'd like to chat about this with me, DM me on Twitter! I'm very keen to learn from your experience and hear about your perspective, and I can share some of my f* ups that might help you to hear 😂.

    If that doesn't sound like your thing - no problem :). Perhaps speaking with a coach will help you? If you haven't taken coaching before, think of it like therapy for work. I think everyone should do it.

    In any case. Good luck, and remember: this too shall pass.

  21. 1

    That's INSANE how this story resonates with me.

    This situating. DAMN.

    The way you've described this toxic co-founder. (CEO)

    I've been there, man. From August 2020 till February 2021. Almost exact the same story.

    We should have trust our guts while first met this people.

    Quit. This experience lead me to find a great job in the field I wanted. All I've made is $50 with this project.

    Leave him along. This won't lead you in a place you want to be.

    You clients says "that's interesting"

    BUT THEY DON'T PAY. You don't solve big enough problem and you already know it.

    Expensive lesson. Bet he don't agree with you.

    You'll get far in a corporate career with experience you have now. You've done enough. Take a break. Find a job and then try again.

    That what I did. Meanwhile I haven't left the project 100%. But this will end soon.

    I'm happy with my decision.

    My toxic CEO almost ruined his life. 4 years and no success. His wife hates him because she feeds him and two kids. His friends and co-founders hates him. He hates in response and blame others.

    But he is afraid to admit there are HUGE problems. There is always one thing and they (clients) will work.

    If you want we can schedule a short zoom call. I understand your situation and thanks God my is almost over.

    Trust your guts)

    1. 2

      You ex CEO is working on the same thing for 4 years and not selling ?

      Or is he pivoting every 3 months?

      1. 1

        More than 160 registrations (B2B). 1 big retailer client is using the product for two years. That's it.
        The rest get pretty crap results and move back to the status quo.
        This is one of the Uber like SaaS for logistics departments with automation.

        1. 2

          Thank for the feedback !

          What are you working on today ?

          As a founder, I tried multiple proposition value during the last 12 months and my angel investor is pissed about it. What the investor doesn't understand is exactly your point :

          "You clients says "that's interesting"

          BUT THEY DON'T PAY. You don't solve big enough problem and you already know it."

          I'm about to give up on the last concept I tried in order to focus on something I know people already pay for.

          1. 2

            By the way what's your ideas you know people already pay for? If you don't want to share here, let's jump on email

          2. 2

            Thanks for the interest) Today I'm a B2B outbound sales warrior in pretty big advanced machinery telematic company. Hardware + software. I've found myself great here. I want to serve the world in helping others to reach their customer and break through the noise.

            Look, this problem occurs to the 96% new companies out there.
            There is a great new book on this exact issue:

            "The Mom Test: How to Talk to Customers and Learn If Your Business is a Good Idea when Everyone is Lying to You" by Rob Fitzpatrick

            It's short and you'll find all the answer there. Tons of value and money saved.

            1. 2

              If you're feeling good with your situation and the value you're offering, that is the essentiel !

              I'm jumping on e-mail !

              I just ordered The Mom Test and Zero to Sold few days ago ;-)
              Can't wait to read so!

  22. 1

    Dear Anon,
    This is so sad that you had spend your 2 years with someone who you never liked. After hearing this i felt empathetic about you as wish you could had quit earlier. We are also a startup with fully self funded. i have one more colleague who works purely on equity and one more who works partly on freelancing model.
    The best thing we did is given authority to each one on their department .

    Say I'm the product owner: I will be the last word for features and UI/UX
    My colleague looks Backend: he is the last word for anything related to backend, API and DB
    My other colleague looks front end: He decide how to do front end.

    This is how we worked for last one year and everyone is pretty happy around it.

    The single most bad decision you took is not telling your expectation from Day 1.
    My Advise is: Find a job and quit this toxic environment. Start something your own as a side hustle. I think nowdays its easy to build something as a side hustle.

  23. 1

    Yours is a really hard story. Personally, I don't have much practical advice. It's a hard situation, and you seem to know that. All I can say is there are things more important than being a successful entrepreneur, especially if it's draining you so much. Some space and time away will probably only help. Good luck.

  24. 1

    First things first - you do have a full copy of ALL the code and system, do you? Are you physically protected from being cut out from the company IP?
    There is a ton of situations you can find on the internet (especially Reddit and Hacker News), where a toxic partner locks out the other one from the system, and litigation is simply not worth/not possible pursuing...
    Also - do you have some "on paper" structure of company ownership and decision making? How does that look like? Are your work hours credited & tracked in any way?

  25. 1

    Most of startups at the beginning stage suck. A lot.

    This is my honest sharing with you in my 10 years of reflection. Despite of being madly success or not, most of co-founders I talked to share the same experience about their co-founders. Some of them wish that they were brave enough to go solo (it's also my case). Upside is that you don't have to deal with drama and can stay focus on problems. Down side is that you move much slower -- however, the truth is it is supposed to be slow because you are doing something new.

    It might take awhile for you to detox this emotion. Try to practice daily gratitude. It does help a lot!

  26. 1

    So a while back I actually did a master's degree in Entrepreneurship (weird that exists, right?). I didn't learn much but one thing that stuck with me is an advice a teacher gave me talking about when you create a company:

    "When you sign those paper, your co-founder becomes your life partner"

    I think the best approach is to work on small side projects when you partner up with someone, and then seal the deal when you know you want to keep working with him/her. Just like in a relationship.

    Probably not helpful right now because you're past that point, but something to keep in mind.

    That being said, I think you should walk away. I get that you've invested a lot of time and energy in the project, but right now it's not generating any revenue so it doesn't seem like you're walking away from a gold mine. Since you seem to think your product has just started to be "sellable", you might also want to consider staying around for a couple months to see if it picks up, and then negotiate a cash exit.

    1. 1

      I read that many times before but never understood it the way I do now. Yes, it's like a life partner. And one that is toxic has as much impact on you as any other life partner.

      I started noticing the negative feelings early on, but shut my inner voice down for as long as I could, thinking to myself that I was just hoping for something that didn't exist in the "business world".

      I've been hesitating a lot for a few months already. One day I want to yell and just disappear, and another day I get back to work, convincing myself that success is just around the corner and that leaving now would be the stupidest move.

  27. 1

    Hi Anon,
    i feel for you , i have been in a comparable situation , starting a project that did not took off and realising you started a journey with people you would otherwise not continue to work with. I regret not having pulled the plug sooner.

    Some reflections :

    When money starts pouring in, his personality will probably not change for the better.

    Except in some very specific markets , after 2 years of work you should be able to close some contracts and start selling.

    Have you incorporated and signed a contract that states all your work is owned by the company ? if not , you might have an option to just split up and both take home the source code to continue. restart the exercise , distil a MVP and launch it in a number of weeks.

    Having launched a project , having customers and "emergency situations" will stress your relation even more , be aware.

    hope you find a good solution

    1. 1

      Thank you Fil.

      I think that you're right, his personality won't change. As you say, it'll probably even get worse when we face issues and setbacks.

      So far we haven't signed anything; no legal entity exists yet. We've just collaborated in good faith.

  28. 1

    This comment was deleted 3 years ago.

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