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64 Comments

Roast Me: Landing Page Iteration

I've made a few light but important text updates to my landing page...

... would you mind ripping me a new one with your thoughts?

🛑 — http://yen.io

I've got my big-boy pants on... so, go for it. Thanks!


UPDATE!

Thanks for the feedback! I've updated it:

Thanks for the feedback! I was trying to be a bit too "clever" with this last pass and it really didn't land the way I thought it was going to land.

This latest iteration is much more "plain" in approach, using "non-fluffy" language... I hope.

  1. 5
    1. No idea what YEN actually is from reading that
    2. Lots of sites tell you how your life will change but I want to know HOW

    Think the first point is more universally relevant. Is this a course? is it a community? is it a SaaS product?

    I mean... is it a book?

    Homepage as is tells me nothing other than wishful thinking: "make more money", "have more free time" etc

    I disagree with @orliesaurus that points 2 and 3 are clear. They're not points to me. They are statements of hope. Everyone wants to make more money and spend less time running their business. HOW are you going to facilitate that?

    Check this out. It's a way to illustrate my point - not proposing this what your page should look like lol: https://tinyurl.com/yzosuk5f

    Homepage copy needs to be clear and transparent. There is a tendency to want to write stuff that sounds cool, or clever. Don't do it.

    My opinions here are based specifically on how I got Songbox to rate globally at number 1 on google for really relevant search terms. Even beating out major competitors like Soundcloud and Bandcamp. Just write it like you'd explain it to a five year old.

    1. 2

      appreciate this, precisely what i had hoped. i wanted to test-drive this language to see if it "stuck" in any way that i wasn't already thinking through.

      thank you @primer; really appreciate you taking the time.

        1. 1

          i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

          1. 2

            Much better. Now in actually interested in putting a community into the songbox website.

            1. 1

              ... 🙇🏻‍♂️

              ... i would be honored for you to even give it a try when it's ready!

              #deepbow

              1. 2

                I’d be honoured to give it a try 🙏

  2. 4

    It's not a landing page if it has no call to action.

    This is more like a minimalistic poster.

    1. 1

      i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

    2. 1

      well, it is technically a landing page, but, from your comment, it's not a very good one. +1. thanks!

      1. 2

        I need 10 CTAs 5 upsells and 14 cross-sells in your funnel and then it's a landing page.

        Jk :p

        1. 1

          lol. thanks friend.

  3. 3

    No idea what your product does, what problem it solves, or if it would be useful to me

    1. 1

      i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

    2. 1

      cool. thank you. nothing resonates. got it. i will do better!

  4. 3

    No idea what the product is, no call to action, and I can't see the product from before, so maybe add some screenshots and show, not just describe, how the product can help me.

    1. 1

      i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

    2. 1

      thanks duane. appreciate the words. i can do this better.

      1. 2

        Maybe better yes, but still I would say I'm lost. Have you considered adding some images of how the product looks and works? I think an image would speak a thousand words here.

        1. 1

          duane, honestly, when the product is ready, i'm going to just embed the damn thing on the page!

          ... which should be a bit better than a picture!!

          thanks for your feedback!

          1. 2

            oh that's gonna be awesome!

  5. 3

    It's nice-looking page. But a design is only good if it is effective in communicating something clearly to users. As it is, most people might not know what you are trying to communicate. And even if someone is intrigued by the message, there is nothing else this person can do (leave an email, etc).

    This intriguing style of landing page only works if you are already someone famous with a huge local following, to build hype and mystique.

    1. 1

      i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

    2. 1

      i see how that works. i'm not famous or have a huge following, so, makes sense. thank yoU!

  6. 3

    I have no idea what the product/service does. I don't even know if it's a product, service, book, meet-up or something else.

    I also found it hard to read the description, with bullet points starting with a lowercase latter.

    There is no CTA on the page, I just open the page, read it (don't understand what it's about) and close it.

    1. 1

      i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

      1. 2

        I think the wording is a lot more clear now, I understand better what your app does. I think some screenshots or diagrams/graphics would also help a lot.

        1. 1

          yup. the link to the tweet serves as that... somewhat. but, i could make it more obvious.

          ultimately, i'll just showcase the actual product... but, this is a good piece of feedback! thank you!

    2. 1

      yup. you're right, i've fucked this badly. thank you!

  7. 3

    Hi John

    ❌ No call to action, no testimonials (is this a course?), no idea what I am supposed to do or contact
    ❌ Point number 1 is unclear - what art?
    ✅ Point 2 and 3 are clear

    I like the color scheme

    1. 1

      i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

      1. 2

        Yup - sure I still think your call to action could be more specific because "early access via" a...newsletter signup? It's kinda confusing... What and how would that work? I wanna test out your embeddable community tool but I also wanna see some of it in action, maybe a video + a Stripe checkout page to be an early adopter?

        1. 1

          cool. good point. i'll be more clear on this cta...

          ... which isn't really a very good one atm! appreciate that!!

    2. 1

      cool. thank you. appreciate this!

  8. 2

    Are you creating a site where people can create communities and get paid for it?
    If so, this needs to be clear.

    1. 1

      well, we've created a service... a b2b saas tool to help creators / builders launch their OWN community space.

      good feedback. i'll think about this!

      1. 2

        Patreon does just this.

        1. 1

          you're right! but, not like we've done it.

          ... btw... i know patreon — they featured this project 3+ years ago!!

          https://blog.patreon.com/monetization-strategies-bitcoin-pub/

          ... the reason i'm building this is b/c patreon FAILED us as a platform.

          🤷🏻‍♂️

    1. 1

      thanks. i've made a change on the main site with one, singular link.

      that then gives the visitor more to read about how folks have used it so far... should be able to help someone "imagine" without too much work. a few ctas at the end... that give more clear context.

      hopefully.

  9. 2

    The new version that talks about an easy-to-embed community platform that plugs into any creator's website to bring all the business benefits of community .... is about 10x better than the earlier vague one.

    This is fine as a 1st section or early, early landing page. As soon as you can it needs social proof / testimonials with case study snippets (Andrew doubled the number of repeat purchases in his basket weaving enthusiast community!)

    And then it needs a "show, not tell" set of sections about how you're better than other software tools to add a forum or community.

    1. 1

      appreciate it friend. i've been doing this for a while but i still have a lot to learn... and what i thought was going to resonate landed... really badly. really appreciate the feedback!

      1. 2

        One of the issues in the Creator economy is that Creators need a safe way to engage with their audience (video call, text, voice call, etc). Phone and email aren't very safe, once you give out your phone# or email address the other person can bother you forever.

        My startup has a tool that might be helpful, and if you have some Creators that want to try it, I can give you a great coupon to try it free. The idea is you give people a link where they can call/text/video call / book an appointment and it's safe because you can always cancel the other person's link. They never had your phone# or email address.

        It's over at ContactLink.com - if the tool would be useful please hit the "Contact Us" button and let me know, I will give you a coupon to try it free.

        1. 1

          sweet! we need more folks who are thinking about these things!

  10. 2

    Add your picture to make it seem more legitimate. Then since the beta is closed as the reader to do something else, such as follow you on Twitter for when the next spots open up.

    1. 1

      yikes, thats a good idea. thanks!!

  11. 2

    yeah... completely agree with all the comments. i love the minimal feel.

    But copywriting is selling. And you need to be more explicit

    1. 1

      thank you. i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

  12. 2

    My friend in Japan says with enough Yen you can indeed:
    *) Do more of what you love, including art
    *) spend less time operating your business
    *) and make more money by investing it

    The question is, how does the Yen portal put more Yen in his pocket?

    1. 4

      Seriously, though. If you're a well known success mogul like Gary V. or Tim Ferriss then a page like this is super intriguing and people will want to know more. But coming from a startup or someone with an ordinary track record, the vagueness hurts rather than helps. If you're not well known yourself, then you have to be specific and clear to make your point in the millisecond of attention people will give.

      1. 1

        thank you for the feedback. you're right, this has failed in a lot of ways.

    2. 1

      i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

  13. 2

    As others have said, the copy is way too vague and doesn’t resonate. No idea if you’re building a course, a SaaS or a spaceship.

    Add more details, be more specific, and give me a reason to be interested in learning more. Not enough to go on yet!

    1. 1

      i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

      1. 2

        The copy is much, much better in this version. Good choice!

        1. 1

          thanks friend. appreciate you giving it some time! means a lot.

    2. 1

      thank you david!

  14. 2

    Love the simplicity. But I have no clue what the product actually is.

    1. 1

      i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

    2. 1

      cool. thanks for that. does anything resonate?

      1. 4

        No, too generic. I don't understand what the next step is to accomplish what you propose. Sounds like marketing fluff

        1. 1

          i've given it a refresh... would you mind giving it another look? i reverted to an older version while adding a bit more specific "color" based on the feedback. thanks!!

        2. 1

          yeah, this is the most "marketing" that i wanted to go / try. thanks for confirming that.

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