Spending time with your partner while balancing business & babies.

"After a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship, we have made the decision to end our marriage," - by Bill & Melinda Gates.

I was totally shaken by this announcement.

Couple of months back I watched the Netflix documentary Inside Bill’s brain and thought to myself ’Wow, two incredible humans, doing incredible work. What a great team they make- nurturing business, marriage, kids, society…’ Clearly, you never knows what happens behind closed doors.

I was 💔 to hear this news. I am a hopeless romantic. When I come across couples who seem to work so well together, I expect it to last forever. I want to continue to hear stories of the incredible things they can do, experience and create together. It’s juvenile. I blame all the romcoms I watched growing up that has conditioned me to believe in happily ever afters 🙈

Adam Elmore put out a question on twitter to married folks with young kiddos.
Married folks with young kiddos in the house: how do you carve out alone time with your spouse?"Couples (including me) shared their struggles & how they deal with it. Was so helpful to hear from other parentpreneurs in the same boat.

https://twitter.com/aeduhm/status/1390614487141654528?s=21

This made me reflect on the fragility of marriage. It made me feel uneasy. To calm my anxiety I usually research on things that worry me (it’s going down a rabbit hole, but that’s my coping mechanism). Then I come up with a mental model that helps me manage my uneasiness/anxiety.

I looked at some behavioural science, listened to Dr. John Gottman, spoke to other parentpreneurs I know and put together this visual. 5 areas how you can spend quality time with your partner while juggling business/work, kids, family, and social life.

1. Physical : Make your partner feel desired not just needed
   Simple gestures like

• Weekend honeymoons
• Compliments
• Footsy under the dinner table
• Spontaneous winks, kisses and holding hands while getting on with your day
• Fun workouts together

2. Emotional : Being emotionally available by

• Reminding how brave they are (especially if your partner just delivered a baby)
• Heart to heart hugs
• Venting together (can be so therapeutic)
• Taking responsibility for your emotions
• Explore your individual & collective values

3. Intellectual : Have a growth mindset
   Some ways are

• A book club for two
• Discuss a podcast
• Do a course together
• Learn a new language together
• Play a board game

4. Social : Fun times together while with others

• Double dates
• Volunteer together
• Have a salsa night out with friends
• Host dinners, potlucks, game nights
• Being creative together when organising family events eg birthdays, halloween etc
• Engaging with a community

5. Spiritual: Stay grounded together

• Find what spiritually connects you two
• Create a ritual together
• Expressing gratitude together
• Being curious about the other’s spiritual beliefs, faith (especially mixed couples)

Any other suggestions?