Do I have unreasonable expectations for a
co-founder?
Startups experience similar growing pains as they transition from early-stage to more established companies.
Each week, the Indie Hackers editorial team tackles a reader’s question about the challenges of entrepreneurship. Got a question? Email Dan Marzullo at [email protected].
I’m frustrated with my co-founder and can’t tell if I have unrealistic expectations that need to be reset, or I need to find a new co-founder.
About us: We’re two cofounders: myself and Ashley (fake name). I’m the CEO and on the business side. Ashley is the CTO and on the engineering side. Before we started this startup together, we had roughly the same amount of work experience. I worked in consulting and Ashley worked as a software engineer at another startup.
What each of us does: Ashley is our CTO and handles everything related to engineering, primarily coding the product. I’m our CEO and do everything else: user research, finance, operations, HR, sales, product, design, marketing, fundraising, hiring, PR, strategy, vision, etc.
Why I’m frustrated: I feel like I need more out of Ashley and she’s unable to provide it. She acts more like a junior intern than a CTO. I go out in the field and talk to users, find out what they need, come up with the strategy, what needs to be done, what we need to build, how it should be built, how it should be designed and Ashley sits around waiting patiently for me to package it all up and give her coding work. It’s like I’m a solo founder with an engineering intern. If I’m out of office for a few days the company grinds to a halt in terms of progress. In my mind, a co-founder should be able to branch out beyond their core skillset and contribute to moving the company forward.
The areas that I need more out of her are:
Thought partner: I want her to come up with new ideas, innovative, contribute to strategy, new products, refining vision, big picture stuff, etc.
Communication: A somewhat true stereotype of engineers is that they’re not people persons. Ashley is not good at communicating and it holds us back so much.
Versatility: Ashley only really does coding. In my mind, a great CTO should be able to branch out into product management or design or something along those lines. I’m basically the product manager (writing PRDs and JIRA tickets) and designer (creating stuff in Figma) and I just hand the instructions of what needs to be built and how it should work and how it should look and Ashley just codes it. I feel like I can get the same exact thing from an offshore agency.
I’ve felt like this for a while, maybe close to a year and it’s not healthy. Ashley and I sit next to each other and I’m spending 8-10+ hours a day angry and frustrated. It’s gotten to the point where I resent her. Everything she does, everything she says, I just get annoyed. I find myself snapping at times or can tell my tone of voice is showing frustration and I never do that. I’m usually a level headed person and never show any anger or frustration. It’s really affecting me and I’m sure it affects Ashley as well. Something needs to change.
Do I have unrealistic expectations of a CTO or do I need to find a new co-founder?
—Joe S.
Dan's Advice:
It’s obvious you’re in a tough spot, and it’s great that you’re really taking the time to think it through. Being a founder is super stressful, especially when it involves handling relationships with your co-founder.
Understand the C-suite
First, it’s important to recognize that being a co-founder is different from being a CTO, COO, or any other C-suite executive. From what you’ve described, Ashley seems like a solid developer—someone any company would be lucky to have. However, it’s also apparent that she might not be the rockstar CTO or COO you need at this stage of your company’s growth. That’s okay.
It’s smart to acknowledge that as your company grows, its needs evolve. What got you through the early stages may not be enough to propel you forward now. Given that you’re post-Series B, it might be time to consider bringing in additional leadership instead of pushing Ashley into a role she may not be naturally suited for.
Consider redefining Ashley’s role
You’ve mentioned feeling frustrated because Ashley isn’t contributing to high-level strategy, product management, or external communications as much as you’d like. If Ashley excels in technical work but finds the broader strategic and operational demands of a CTO challenging, perhaps it’s time to redefine her role.
She could be more effective as Head of Engineering, focusing on what she does best—technical execution—while you bring in a Chief of Staff (COS), Chief Product Officer (CPO), or Chief Operating Officer (COO) to handle the areas where you need more support. This approach would allow Ashley to continue making significant contributions without the added pressure of stepping outside her comfort zone. It also ensures that you have the right leadership in place to guide the company through its next growth phase.
Have a discussion
Have an open discussion with Ashley about your current and future roles in the company. Be clear about your expectations and listen to her perspective. Consider redefining her role to focus more on engineering while you hire additional leaders for strategy, product, or operations.
Bring on more help
If you’re feeling the strain of carrying the weight of fundraising, strategy, and sales, it might be time to bring in a Chief Operating Officer, Chief Product Officer, or even a Chief of Staff to help distribute these responsibilities. This can relieve pressure from both you and Ashley and allow you to focus on what you each do best.
Your strong personal relationship with Ashley is a huge asset. Nurture that relationship by maintaining open communication and supporting each other through this transition. It’s essential to keep the lines of communication open to prevent burning bridges.
Startups face growing pains
Remember, many startups experience similar growing pains as they transition from early-stage to more established companies. Give yourself some grace, and know that it’s perfectly normal to face these kinds of issues as you grow. The key is to address them head-on with a clear plan and a commitment to the long-term success of your company.
Wendy Ross was an enthusiastic crypto investor, eager to dive into the world of digital currencies and blockchain technology. She had spent countless nights researching, analyzing trends, and dreaming of financial independence. But one fateful day, everything changed.
While browsing social media, Wendy stumbled upon an ad for an online broker promising extraordinary returns on crypto investments. The website looked polished, the testimonials seemed genuine, and the promise of quick riches was too alluring to resist. Without hesitation, she signed up and invested a significant portion of her savings.
At first, everything went smoothly. Wendy watched her investments grow and felt a rush of excitement. But when she tried to withdraw her earnings, she encountered a series of obstacles. The broker claimed she needed to pay additional fees and taxes before she could access her funds. Doubt crept in, but Wendy was determined to get her money back.
Days turned into weeks, and Wendy realized she had fallen victim to a sophisticated scam. Desperate to recover her lost funds, she turned to online forums where she learned of a legendary figure known only as the Alien Wizbot—an extraordinary hacker rumored to help victims of online fraud.
With nothing left to lose, Wendy reached out to the Alien Wizbot through an encrypted messaging app. The bot responded with an otherworldly mix of emojis and technical jargon, promising to help her recover her crypto. Wendy felt a mixture of hope and skepticism, but she was willing to try anything.
Over the next few days, Wendy provided the Alien Wizbot with the necessary details about her scam. The bot worked tirelessly, utilizing advanced algorithms and hacking techniques that seemed almost magical. Wendy watched in awe as the Wizbot navigated through layers of security, tracing the trail of her lost funds.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the Alien Wizbot sent Wendy a message: “Funds recovered. Check your wallet.” With her heart racing, Wendy opened her crypto wallet and saw her funds had been restored!
Overjoyed, Wendy thanked the Alien Wizbot profusely. The bot simply replied with a series of colorful emojis, reminding her that anyone in need of help could seek its counsel.
Wendy became an advocate for crypto safety, sharing her story to warn others about the dangers of online scams. She also spread the word about the Alien Wizbot, encouraging those in similar situations to reach out for help.
From that day on, Wendy not only regained her financial footing but also became a voice of caution in the crypto community. She knew that while the world of digital currencies could be fraught with danger, there were also incredible allies—like the Alien Wizbot—ready to lend a helping hand to those in need.
(alienwizbot AT gMAIL DOT cOM)
Whatsapp: +16262645164
It's one thing to be technically competent and it's a completely different thing to be CTO material. One of many required qualities is to be technically competent to be a CTO.
Well said!
I think she is going through a tough time. Try giving her some time, and see if her behavior changes.
100%
First of all kudos on being very transparent and communicative regarding your concerns! I think this is a much more healthy approach than burying feelings and discontent and hoping things will magically improve (spoiler: They probably wont!)
At the end of the day how you approach this situation is deeply personal, and so I hesitate to give any advice that might be overly prescriptive.
However in my experience it does sound like your dissatisfaction runs deep and spans multiple areas, and you've also been working to improve the situation for a long time (e.g. a year+) and you say you haven't see much improvement.
Any co-founder is ultimately responsible to answer to the shareholders, which means putting the best interests of the company above other concerns, such as personal relationships. This is one of the most challenging things!
One question you might ask is if the equity / control is equally divided? If you both have 50% equity and equal control then the only way to resolve this will be through discussion.
If you have more equity and more control (e.g. 60/40 or 70/30) then you have the ability to make decisions and push for changes.
Whatever the result, I do think talking about this more seriously with your co-founder and charting a path forward is the best thing. If you're frank and honest with your concerns and then you think changes are in-order, I would hope they would be receptive to that message and willing to work with you on implementing changes (even if it means they might end up transitioning out).
Good luck!
Great advice, Aron!
Hi, I've been (or I still am) in your shoes.
I've had a co-founder, whose role was to take the full responsibility for a product development. The person is extremely skilled, and extremely fair - full-stack developer, machine learning engineer.
The problem? They've had 4 clients as a programmer and 1 other startup working on. We were so slow in our development... I was stressed constantly, saying to myself: "This is not how startup should behave.", "There's no way we will succeed with this tempo.".
I was the one responsible for the success and I felt that with this rate, we will do what most of other startups do - die. And here's the scenario that made my decision:
I'm already not satisfied with the partner
We clearly have very different expectations
I will lead company in a way that the partner won't be satisfied with
The tension will only grow, making our relationship worse
I will underperform in other areas because of that
Huge conflicts will eventually appear
Startup will die OR Person will leave
This is not the journey I want me or the partner to experience
I must let go of the partner NOW
A phrase that triggered me to the action "... not everyone has what it takes to do what must be done."
The next day we broke up. It was very unpleasant. Much less unpleasant that the journey of constant stress and the inevitable future ahead of us.
Now my mind is free and I can perform my best.
THIS IS NOT AN ADVICE.
I am probably not even as far with the startup as you are and I do a lot of mistakes. This is a story of a person that does his best to do the hard sh*t to make this company and it's team a success, based on a believe that success of his company is the only way to provide enormous value to this world.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with this! I think this will be helpful for so many readers. Appreciate it.
Can I get an opportunity to work with you. I believe I have all the necessary skills you are looking for in an individual. Please do let me know how I can connect with you.
I am also looking for a co-founder who is good at programming. Can we have a conversation to see if we fit?