A Million LinkedIn Titles Isn’t Cool. You Know What’s Cool? A Billion LinkedIn Titles.

“Anyone worth their weight in bitcoin has double-digit (DD) titles on their LinkedIn profile.” — Josh Pettingill

I am inspired by the inordinate number of impressive titles on LinkedIn. God rest ye merry people with countless “current titles” on your profiles. The more, the better. If you’re baller enough to roll with multiple titles, my advice is, “go big.” Why stop at four or five titles?

In fact, anyone worth their weight in bitcoin has double-digit (DD) titles on their LinkedIn profile.

A quick scan of my contacts revealed the person with the highest number of titles to be 15. Yes, 15 freaking titles. There was a six-way tie for second place with 11. Shout out to all my DDs!

Me? The most I could muster is high single digits. And that is stretching it.

To anyone in the esteemed, double-digit title category, consider adding another to your list:

A$$hole

Speaking of, last month Kanye West officially changed his name to, simply, Ye. Ye and me are a lot alike. For starters, we are close in age. I am 43. Ye is 44. (Thanks, LinkedIn, for my birthday reminder that I have hidden on my public profile because nobody likes a birthday braggart.)

Ye and me also share the same investment strategies. I have not bought anything from GAP since never. Did that stop me from buying shares of GAP stock (ticker symbol GPS) the second I heard the news of Ye’s partnership with the company? Funk no.

I am getting my ass handed to me on that move. Sad but true. I am not concerned — stocks always go up up up. What concerns me right now is my very own LinkedIn profile.

After looking at my profile today for the first time in two years, I discovered Ye and me have more in common than I thought. Josh talks in the third person as does Ye.

What kind of an A$$hole refers to themselves in the third person, you ask? A major league A$$hole, that’s who.

The only type of person on LinkedIn worse than the double-digit title person is the talks in third person person (TPP). No Josh. Say it ain’t so. I am afraid so. Josh does this in his profile.

That doesn’t mean all the TPPs and DDs are not good people. It just means it might be time for them, Josh included, to make some major life changes.
It is not too late. There is still hope for me and Ye.

Key Takeaway

Don’t be a DD or TPP A$$hole on LinkedIn or in life. We’re better than that.
Lastly, if you come across the creme de la crème, The Royale with Cheese A$$hole the TPPDD amalgamation, you tell em' I’m coming, and hell’s coming with me.

Postscript

Next up, I address the monstrosity that is my "current" LinkedIn profile. To be continued…