We all brush things off to survive — rejection emails, failed launches, being underestimated. But what’s the cost when minimizing becomes our default?
As entrepreneurs, we brush off rejection emails, failed launches, being underestimated. At what point does brushing it off stop being strength and start being silence?
That same tension shows up in my personal life too — just in a different form......
Life is easier for men……That phrase makes me flinch.
Because here’s the truth: I feel privileged as fuck and am blessed with female/pretty privilege. I can walk into a random restaurant, ask to use the bathroom without buying anything, and nine times out of ten, they let me. Once, I went skiing in Tahoe without lining up a ride home, fully trusting I’d find one on the chairlift. By the end of the day, I had three offers to drive me the three hours back to SF.
The same body that gets me free bathrooms and rides is the one that gets catcalled three times on a morning run. Or grabbed by a stranger walking into Whole Foods. Or messaged by random men on Facebook for years straight, even though I never reply.
That’s the whiplash. Pretty privilege on one side, violation on the other. And living in that whiplash means constantly deciding how to react. Do I ignore it? Do I fight it? Do I let it sting — or numb it out
Maybe this is why women have it harder. It’s not the catcall or the ass grabs or the DMs themselves. For me, it’s the constant micro-decision to minimize and not care. Because it’s easier to tell myself it’s no big deal than to actually feel it every time. But the decision not to care still affects me — even if the violating acts themselves don’t.
Minimizing is its own survival skill. But survival skills come with a cost. The more I downplay, the less I trust my own instincts. And if I can’t trust myself to call out what feels wrong, then I don’t even know where my boundaries are anymore. I start losing sense of what is right and what I am comfortable with.
When I told my guy friends I got catcalled three times on my run, they looked at me with disbelief, “No way, you're kidding, right?”
For them, it was shocking. For me, it was Tuesday. I’m so used to downplaying it that when I was watching Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders and one of the women broke down crying because a stranger pinched her butt, my first thought was: “Get over it.” I had to consciously go back and tell myself my thinking was wrong — she had every right to be upset.
That moment scared me. Because if my internal reaction to other women is to “get over it,” what does that say about how much I’ve normalized? How much have I silenced in myself?
So maybe life really is harder for girls.
And still, I love being one. I love sundresses. I love asking guys to carry my backpack on hikes. I love leaning into being a girl when it benefits me. Maybe that’s how I take some power back — by choosing when to play the card.
But I can’t shake the bigger question:
What if brushing it off is keeping me alive… but also making me blind?
I don’t have the answer. I just know I minimize to survive. Is brushing it off strength or surrender? I’m stuck in the contradictions and the mess of it all.
Curious if you’ve felt the same tension in your founder journey — where brushing things off keeps you moving, but sometimes at the cost of clarity or boundaries. Where do you draw the line?
P.S.Follow me on Substack: https://substack.com/@getmekaiac/
This was a thoughtful read. Brushing things off can look like strength from the outside, but when it becomes automatic, it can start erasing your own boundaries. That tension felt very real.
This hit a familiar founder pattern too.
We brush off rejection, failed launches, people doubting us — and that resilience is necessary. But if everything becomes something we “just ignore,” we eventually lose the signal of what actually matters.
Strength isn’t feeling nothing. It’s knowing what deserves your attention.
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I think your natural tolerances are what they are. Whatever you just put up with, you do, whatever you don't, you don't. That belongs to you and no one else. Those are your boundaries, not something for the public to adjudicate. Just don't lay your personal boundaries and tolerances on others, like how you self regulated your internal reaction to the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.
In short...I think you're a lot more mentally healthy and strong than you sometimes believe. And that's just being human too.
This is a powerful reflection, and the question applies deeply to the founder journey too.
As builders, we learn to brush things off constantly — failed launches, no traction, people not understanding what we’re trying to build. At first, that resilience is necessary. Without it, most projects would die before they even had a chance.
But there’s a difference between resilience and disconnection.
I’ve realized that ignoring feedback, doubt, or emotional signals can help you survive in the short term — but long term, clarity comes from paying attention, not suppressing. The goal isn’t to feel nothing. It’s to keep moving while still staying honest with yourself.
Brushing things off is strength when it protects your momentum. It becomes silence when it prevents you from seeing truth.
Thank you for articulating something many founders experience but rarely put into words.
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I’ve started using a filter for this: 'Is this a pebble in my shoe or a hole in my boot?' A pebble you can brush off; a hole will eventually ruin the whole trek. Your realization about the cheerleader was that 'hole in the boot' moment where the survival skill starts compromising the journey itself. Thank you for not wrapping this in a '5 tips to be more resilient' bow. Sometimes just naming the mess is the work.
This resonated more than I expected. The question about when “brushing it off” stops being resilience and starts becoming silence feels especially sharp, because that habit shows up everywhere, not just in work.
What really stuck with me was how minimizing becomes automatic, almost protective, but slowly erodes trust in your own reactions and boundaries. That normalization is scary, especially when you notice it spilling over into how you judge yourself and other women.
I don’t think there’s a clean answer either. It really does feel like living in contradictions, strength and surrender tangled together. Appreciate you sitting in the mess of it instead of trying to wrap it up neatly.
This is a really powerful reflection — thank you for being this honest. It’s so easy as founders and creators to equate resilience with just brushing everything off and powering through, but as you point out, that instinct to minimize can slowly turn into a kind of silence that blurs boundaries and blunts self-awareness. Indie Hackers
I’ve definitely fallen into that pattern before — treating setbacks or uncomfortable experiences as “no big deal” in the name of strength, only to realize later that I wasn’t actually processing them at all. There’s a real difference between surviving and listening to ourselves, and this post nails that tension. Indie Hackers
Curious how you’ve found ways to balance acknowledging things that matter without letting every small setback derail you? For many founders, learning that distinction feels like an underrated part of the journey.
I used to feel discouraged because of setbacks in my career, but now I've learned to use artificial intelligence. A smart marketing software called Amplift .ai helped me solve my problems and get out of my predicament when I was at a loss about product promotion.
Can we find clarity in embracing our contradictions, rather than trying to brush them off?
This strikes a chord, particularly the bit regarding the expense of survival skills. Not only does brushing things off keep you going, but it also subtly influences what you accept and how much you allow yourself to feel. The boundary, in my opinion, lies between self-erasure and resilience, and most of us are unaware that we have passed it until we have already crossed it. I appreciate you putting into words what many people know but seldom express.
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This really hit me. The way you describe that tension between strength and silence is exactly what I see in people struggling with sleep too — brushing things off becomes a habit, and over time they stop noticing what their bodies are trying to say.
I’ve been working on something related called The Tiny Sleep Method — a super simple, 1-page, science-based framework that helps people rebuild sleep through small, doable adjustments instead of extreme routines. It’s been resonating with founders / creators who are running on adrenaline and minimizing their own needs without realizing it.
If this kind of reflection speaks to you, you might find it helpful. Happy to share it if you’re curious.
That tension between strength and silence runs under the surface, and most people can't see it. I see it in the in-home caregiving I do too. When I’m documenting visits in Alora, I catch myself smoothing over small details to keep the chart clean, just like I smooth over small hurts to keep the day moving. Both feel efficient, but they chip away at awareness.
Writing things exactly as they are, no softer, no harder, takes effort. But that honesty is the only way I know to stop turning resilience into numbness.
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This is such an honest reflection.
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This is such an honest reflection. That moment you described about your reaction to the cheerleader crying really captured something important about how deeply we can internalize minimizing. I appreciate you sharing the complexity of it all instead of trying to wrap it up neatly. There is no neat answer when it comes to navigating these contradictions.
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This is such a powerful reflection. As an entrepreneur, it's so easy to brush things off in the name of "strength," but sometimes it feels like we're slowly silencing ourselves. It's tough when those moments of being underestimated, rejected, or mistreated become so frequent that we start to normalize them.
I can relate to that internal conflict you described — wanting to power through and minimize the hurt, but realizing that it can blur our boundaries and self-awareness over time. I think the key is finding the balance between surviving and honoring our emotions without letting them dictate our actions.
Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking post. It's definitely making me think more about where I draw the line and how I can stay true to myself while moving forward. Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts!
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I’ve definitely crossed that line before. Took me a while to realize resilience doesn’t have to mean emotional numbness.
"Wow, this resonates deeply. As entrepreneurs, we often brush things off to keep moving, whether it’s rejection or personal struggles. But the line between strength and silence is blurry, and I think we all face that tension. It’s tough to acknowledge when downplaying something is really just a way of surviving, but it comes at the cost of clarity and trusting our instincts. This is a powerful reminder that we need to pay attention to our own boundaries and reactions. Thank you for sharing this raw perspective!"
I completely agree, as people doing their own startups we are often times isolation which can be disempowering. The strength, focus, and resilience we build during these times are the ones which will make us to actually achieve our goals and establish the empires we envisioned.
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A few months ago, I found myself in a precarious situation when I fell victim to a deceptive trading platform. I lost £730,000 to a fraudulent cryptocurrency investment broker. I was scammed multiple times by individuals who promised to recover my lost funds but only added to my distress. I was devastated. I reached a point where I was unsure if there was any hope left. It was then that I confided in a close friend who noticed my struggle and offered to help. He introduced me to a crypto recovery group known as THE HACK ANGELS RECOVERY EXPERT. The expert team worked tirelessly to trace and retrieve my funds, they focused on helping individuals and businesses recover their lost or stolen assets. The team's expertise in utilizing cutting-edge technology and industry knowledge to track and locate stolen assets, if you are a victim and need your funds returned, use any of the details below:
WhatsApp (+1(520)200-2320
They helped me regain my peace of mind in addition to returning my cryptocurrency back to my wallet.
THANKS TO THE SERVICES OF THE HACK ANGELS // FOR HELPING ME RECOVER MY USDT AND BTC
I lost almost $698,000 in a bitcoin investment scam a few months ago. I was devastated and depressed, and I didn’t know what to do. When I saw a favorable review of THE HACK ANGELS RECOVERY EXPERT. I decided to contact them and voice my concerns. God is so good that I am a living testament to the fact that there are still legitimate recovery hackers out there. I will confidently recommend THE HACK ANGELS RECOVERY EXPERT to everyone I meet. I will suggest them to anyone who falls victim to any kind of online scam by using the information below.
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If you’re in London, you can even visit them in person at their office located at 45-46 Red Lion Street, London WC1R 4PF, UK.
That reflection really hit home. Many creators silently deal with pressure and burnout while trying to keep up the “strong” image. Sometimes it’s not about brushing things off—it’s about finding healthy outlets to express what we feel. I’ve personally found creative tools like AI Image Tools helpful for channeling emotions into art or design. It’s amazing how small acts of creativity can turn silence into strength.
I’ve come to realize that true strength has little to do with silence or reaction it lies in discernment. Understanding why we let go matters far more than the letting go itself. Sometimes we release what’s beneath us, other times we release because we’ve forgotten our own worth because we’ve quietly stopped believing our boundaries deserve protection. From the outside, those two gestures look identical, yet one is liberation and the other is surrender.
What if brushing it off is keeping me alive… but also making me blind?
I 100% agree
I don’t think using what you’re born with...gender, looks, empathy, strength, whatever it may be is wrong. We all use what’s available to us, consciously or not.
I think, to put it simply, it’s utterly pointless having principles if you don’t stick by them...but conversely, there’s also no point dying on principle hill if you’re going to end up harming yourself. Make the situation work for you, there’s no shame in that.
I don’t have a straight answer, because your post evokes conflicting thoughts for me...which might reassure you that you’re not alone with these kinds of dilemmas. You’re only human. Ultimately, you come across as very self-aware, more than most, so my vote would be to keep doing what you’re doing. Sounds like your instincts are well dialled in. Keep going girl, you’ve got this.
Thanks :)
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Interesting, catcalling is wrong brushing, pinching, stalking or anything that makes discomfort is wrong out right. But the long messaging a normal "Hi" is offensive? May be I need to understand why any isn't it expected from a men to be persistent or make his first move as women just look beautiful but its the man's responsibility to..... court the women correct my English if I am wrong but I think you would have got the question.
If a girl doesn't respond to you after so long, you should know that she's not interested. Also, Facebook is not the right forum to reach out to people you've never met and ask them where they live, like he did in the message. There are apps like Hinge for meeting people, but randomly finding people on Facebook that you have nothing in common with that you've never met in person is not the correct forum.
This is such a powerful and thought-provoking piece. It really captures the tension between resilience and the cost of constantly downplaying experiences, and makes you reflect on how privilege, boundaries, and survival instincts intersect in everyday life.
thanks!
This really resonated — thank you for speaking it so honestly. I’ve similarly felt the pull of brushing things off: for a while it seems like survival, but in time it dulls your boundaries and instincts. You captured that tension beautifully when you asked, “Is brushing it off strength or surrender?”
One question I keep asking myself:
“Am I minimizing because I don’t want to deal with discomfort, or because the thing truly doesn’t deserve my energy?”
i really like the wroding of your question :)
This hit. Thanks for your share
thanks
This hit hard, Kaia. I really appreciate the honesty here — especially how you capture the whiplash between privilege and violation, and the quiet cost of minimizing. Brushing things off does keep us moving, but I’ve felt that same tension you describe: the more I minimize, the harder it gets to know where my own boundaries truly are.
Your reflection is such an important reminder that strength isn’t always about silence — sometimes it’s in naming the contradictions out loud, like you’ve done here. Thank you for opening this up so others can pause and ask themselves the same hard questions.
thank you!
This really resonated with me. I think as founders (and as people) we’re taught to toughen up and “brush it off,” but like you said, there’s a fine line between resilience and self-silencing. The part about starting to minimize other women’s experiences hit hard — it shows how deep that conditioning runs.
For me, I’ve found that brushing it off helps me keep momentum, but when I ignore things too much I end up disconnected from my own instincts. Still learning how to choose my battles without losing my boundaries.
Thanks for putting words to the contradiction — it’s something I think a lot of us feel but rarely articulate.
thank you!
This post really made me pause. That constant internal tug-of-war — between minimizing to cope and losing a sense of your boundaries — feels so real. I’ve felt a similar kind of dulling in my own projects, where I’d brush things off so often that eventually I stopped recognizing what was actually important.
It reminded me of this manga reading site I stumbled on recently — tachiyomapk [dot] com. It’s super clean and minimal, clearly built by someone who just kept quietly iterating. I imagine whoever’s behind it probably faced a lot of those same "just keep going" moments, even when things didn’t feel right. It’s kind of a reflection of what you’re talking about — how much we push through, sometimes at the cost of clarity.
Really appreciate how honestly you explored this. It’s easy to share wins, but the emotional contradictions behind them? Not so much.
thanks :)
Your insights on the duality of privilege and violation resonate deeply. The constant negotiation between minimizing our experiences and acknowledging our feelings can be exhausting. It reminds me of the unpredictability in the Slope Game, where each decision impacts the journey. Finding a balance between resilience and self-awareness is crucial. Thank you for sharing your experiences; they open up important dialogues about normalization and boundaries.
thanks!
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This hit. I’ve brushed things off to keep moving, but the bill shows up later as blurry boundaries. I can’t pretend to understand what women deal with day to day, but I recognize the pattern: minimizing feels like strength until it starts dimming your own signal.
A tiny practice that’s helped me: if Future-Me would still think about it tomorrow, Present-Me names it today. Thanks for writing this — saving to re-read.
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What’s twt when I google I just get Twitter
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A refreshing read.
thank you!
This is a truly powerful and honest piece. The way you articulate the tension between 'brushing things off' for strength and its potential to lead to numbness really resonated with me. It’s a struggle we all face, both personally and professionally. Finding healthy ways to de-stress and take a moment for yourself is key to that balance, which is something our team at Vape Dose is passionate about. Thank you for sharing this—it's a great reminder of the importance of checking in with ourselves and honoring our own boundaries.
thank you!
As a founder, I’ve definitely brushed off rejection and setbacks just to keep going. But you’re right the cost is real. Sometimes what we call ‘strength’ is actually numbing, and that can blur boundaries and self-trust. Really powerful reminder.
thanks!
This really hit me. The way you describe the constant choice between brushing things off and actually feeling them captures such a real tension. I appreciate how you connected it to both personal experience and the founder journey because it shows how survival strategies can blur into silence. The question of where to draw the line really stayed with me.
thanks!
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?
加油!
Oh I am finding it quite lonely to do on my own but I’m not doing it on my own. I had to widen and rewire my perception of what support looks like and when I come to a hurdle, I’m lucky enough to have a large social support circle. The work that I have to do is knowing what I’m asking for help with and talking it out with people who dont hesitate to want to help me, is so empowering. I have a fear of rejection so knowing that helps the mental gymnastics to not take feedback personally and rather a reflection of someone else’s lack of creativity and cynicism. I hurt my own feelings before people can, so I just bank their feedback as free unsolicited data I can use to improve my products. It also makes for a really solid F.A.Q.
Nice saying, and I really comment that guy's perseverance 😂
comment huh?
Your love is amazing and shows you are a natural person.
thank you!
Brushing things off can look like strength, but I've learned it can also become a form of silence that slowly erodes our sense of what's actually okay.
Living with Sickle Cell has taught me to navigate this balance—sometimes I let things slide to preserve energy for what matters, other times I've realized my silence was actually me abandoning myself when I needed to speak up.
The question that's helped me is: "Am I letting this go because it genuinely doesn't serve me to engage, or because I don't feel safe honoring what I know is true?" One protects my energy, the other costs it.
Wild times when placed in perspective, gotta stay in line with your inner focus, compass & finish line
That's a really good line! Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience with Sickle Cell.
Hey Kaia! I’ve seen your post a couple of times now and feel like I know you a little. Just followed you on Medium — love what you wrote. As a fellow girly, I couldn’t agree more. When things like this happen, my mind goes blank too. Brushing it off never really works, because sometimes you actually need to take action. Otherwise, you start believing it’s “normal” when it’s not.
Even with work - if you face consecutive losses or fall into depression, at some point you have to ask yourself why is this happening? Sometimes you’ll spot something you can fix, and that’s what helps you come back stronger. Analyzing, pivoting, and working on what you can control might not bring instant money, but it definitely brings growth in yourself - and that always pays off later.
Sure, brushing off tiny things that don’t matter - the stuff that won’t impact your personal or professional life - is good. But when it comes to deeper issues, brushing them off beyond a certain point just doesn’t help I guess.
Thanks.
I agree it's really important to question the why!
I think there is a fine line between what needs to be shaken of and what we actually need to act upon.
Some things are too big to not react to and some are just too little to give any attention to.
My guess is trust your gut, you usually can feel what the best course of action is.
Anyway thanks for this post, great to see things from a woman's perspective for a change.
thanks!
This hit me hard as founders we’re told to just shake things off but sometimes that habit makes us numb instead of strong I’ve noticed in my own work that ignoring too much kills clarity and even creativity thanks for being honest about the messy middle here it feels very real
I’ve seen how that ‘just shake it off’ mindset can slowly turn into shutting down completely, and it’s so true it doesn’t make us stronger, it makes us numb. In my own work alongside founders, I’ve felt how avoiding the messy parts only steals clarity and that spark of creativity. Thank you for saying this out loud ,it feels raw and real, and honestly, a reminder that we don’t always have to have it all together
thank you! I know its really hard to balance the shaking off with the numbness
曾几何时,也是我的心愿
This is such an honest reflection. That moment you described about your reaction to the cheerleader crying really captured something important about how deeply we can internalize minimizing. I appreciate you sharing the complexity of it all instead of trying to wrap it up neatly. There is no neat answer when it comes to navigating these contradictions.
That reflection really hit home. Many creators silently deal with pressure and burnout while trying to keep up the “strong” image. Sometimes it’s not about brushing things off—it’s about finding healthy outlets to express what we feel. I’ve personally found creative tools like AI Image Tools helpful for channeling emotions into art or design. It’s amazing how small acts of creativity can turn silence into strength.