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6 Comments

Can you help me workshop this text?

Hello fellow builders!

I'm trying to improve the copy on my landing page, and I'm stumped on one section.

Would you mind taking a look at https://nodepath.app and let me know what I could change to make the section How it works more clear?

🙏 thanks

on January 5, 2022
  1. 2

    Couple things:

    • I don't really get what "their preferences" is supposed to refer to.
    • I think you should explain what happens after you enter all that info. Do you receive reminders? How? Basically, what does the app do?
    • Instead of listing the steps in a single sentence, I'd go for a more timeline presentation, ideally with screenshots from the app at each step.
    1. 1

      Thanks. I'm still working on validation and building demand. I don't actually have an app yet. I'll definitely add screenshots when I have something to show :)

  2. 1

    I wouldn't lead with "Personal Network Manager." I don't think it's a category that exists in people's minds yet and could leave them confused about why they need it..

    Instead, I'd elevate the value to headline:
    "Remember (the little/ the important) details about the people in your life."
    "Never forget the (little/important) details about the people in your life."

    Then, hit with the "how it works":

    • enter your connections
    • log interactions
    • set reminders for important dates.

    Lastly the CTA. Explain what they can expect from you by joining the waitlist... (Early/free access/tips)

    1. 1

      What do you think of "The CRM built for people" as the lead?

      1. 2

        A CRM is a much closer anchor to what I think you're building.

        "The CRM built for people"... CRMs are already a people database. I think what you're saying is a CRM for individuals (rather than, say, a CRM software a company would use.) If this is the case, I'd go with "a personal CRM."

        Note: A CRM assumes the audience knows what a CRM is. This might be the case if your target audience is business people and the customer problem is forgetting details about a business colleague. But if you're going broader, then you will need a new anchor.

        Let's play this out with the two scenarios:

        Option A's audience is a business-type of consumer:
        If these folks are in Sales/CS/Marketing/BizOps, they'll know what a CRM is. I don't know how great the mobile apps are for some of the major CRM brands, but I've had over 10 years of experience working with them on the marketing side, and I doubt they're very user-friendly.
        Here's a more nuanced problem if you're on the Partnerships or Sales side of the house: The data in the CRM is property of the business, so if you leave, you can't take that client/partner data with you. A value prop for this cohort could
        be the ability to take valuable client/partner data with you throughout your career.

        Option B is the broader audience.
        These could people who just don't want to forget details about the people in their lives. Let's look at the tools and systems people use now to remember details about people: the Contacts App is built for calling people. Email (which no one really likes or wants to use more) is used for emailing, or your brain, which is used for a billion other things. None of those systems are purpose-built for something like a "personal CRM" would be used for. I think the best anchor here is the Contacts app/contacts list:

        "Context for your contacts."

        ***

        For fun, here's a run at some more copy...

        Do you wish you remembered a detail about a colleague from the last time you got coffee? Did you miss your inlaws anniversary date and forgot to wish them a happy anniversary? Can't remember the name of that video game your nephew said he wanted for Christmas even though you know he told you?

        We're good at spotting the insights we should remember for the future—in our heads we say, "Oh, I should remember that." We file the note in the corner of our brain and move on with our life.

        But, the problem is we're terrible at remembering details like these until it's too late.

        Now, there's an easy way to keep notes about the people in our lives.

        [insert solution]

        Hope you find this helpful!

    2. 1

      I didn't even think about a CTA 🤦