Cofounder (wife) down and out with morning sickness... How am I gonna juggle all this?
So, my wife and I are nine weeks pregnant 🥳 We've been working our asses off over the last few years to get to a stable place financially where we felt ready to have kids. And we did it.
But here's the hard part. She's puking her guts out most nights. Most mornings she can hardly get out of bed because of the nausea, and it literally takes everything in her to get through the day without a complete mental/emotional breakdown (partial breakdowns are a given).
We're so busy, we need all hands on deck. And I thought we'd have 9 more months to continue stabilizing our businesses. But now I've gotta juggle all of this, mostly by myself. At least for now.
I'm floored by how hard this is already.
Is there anyone out there who can relate to this? Any indie hacking moms? Or indie hacking dads who supported their partners through something like this?
Or anyone who managed to keep their businesses afloat solo when their cofounder was down and out for weeks on end?
Please... any advice is welcome! 🙏
Congratz on the new member. I will need similar advice in few months also :)
Thanks, and congrats yourself!
first of all congrats Silvio! secondly, welcome to your new life of chaos...lol, joking (but not really). you're in a decent pickle. i'm a solo founder so I can't completely understand but I do understand how intense the first trimester (and the third...and parenting in general) can be. here's the hope -- in a few weeks she's feeling a lot better, and then you have a couple of months to be better prepared. in the mean time, cut out all distractions and double down on anything you can manage that is self-care related but doesn't take a ton of time. and also, when you need to vent, if possible don't vent to your wife...she's obviously already got enough to contend with. hopefully someone else has more to say about picking up cofoudner slack. good luck! 💪
Thanks Sam. Yeah that self-care part is tough to fit in, but I'm trying. Not sure how I feel about not venting to my wife. On the one hand, good point. On the other, we're always very transparent with each other and I think that's a good practice for any healthy relationship. I'll have to think on it.
Oh gosh the first trimester sickness was THE WORST. It was so much. I could not even believe just how tired, exhausted, dizzy, and sick I felt (I felt duped!). The good news is that it usually eases around 13-14 weeks once you're done building the placenta, and you get a decent amount of energy back in the second trimester.
First, for morning sickness.
Some things that helped me, but everyone is different—and HUGE disclaimer that I'm not a doctor so do your own research on each of these and check with your practitioner or wellness provider.
Everyone recommends carbs, crackers, etc. That spiked my blood sugar, making my hormones even more chaotic, and caused me to feel insanely nauseas. If I ate enough protein at breakfast and lunch and kept my blood sugar more stable, it was WAY more manageable. That said, it was a 1.5 hour event for me to eat, get dressed, and have a small coffee in the morning without puking. (Literally 7:30am to 9am, and sometimes I’d stop again at the local coffee shop and order scrambled eggs and get to work by 10am. I puked in a Whole Foods on the way to work once).
Vitamin B is SO helpful (but taking the vitamin makes me vomit so I have to take it literally with food, not before food). B12 deficiency is common in lots of folks, and folic acid, folate, and B vitamins are all slightly different (and folic acid is not always absorbable by women!) So some research on Vitamin B can help. This helped me after two weeks of taking it.
Your blood volume is either going up by 1.5 or 2x, so iron-rich foods and lots of water and electrolytes.
DHA! So much Omega 3. It’s great for you and baby. Most prenatals have the minimum recommended. I took a capsule on it’s own (it’s fish oil, so you can’t really overdose on it—disclaimer I am NOT A DOCTOR). That really helped.
Orange juice! I had to do it with enough protein, but it has a ton of great nutrients and vitamins in it. The ingredients on fresh squeezed orange juice are similar to prenatals.
Ice packs. Those helped a LOT—back of the head, on my shoulders. Morning sickness + heat = more nausea.
I went to bed at 7:30pm because if I didn’t, I would be gut-puking starting around 8pm for HOURS. It was the best way I’ve ever had to get myself into bed on time. I finally realized that if I stayed up it meant puking, so I went to bed to avoid it!
Sleeping 10 hours a night plus counting on a nap made me functional the rest of the day.
That’s all I have from memory for now, I hope any of this is useful and helpful.
Fun fact: morning sickness was invented by a man, who only saw his wife in the morning, and didn't know it could last all day. But for many, pregnancy sickness in the first trimester can be on and off all day.
You're at 9 weeks, so only a few more weeks and it should ease up! More sleep is always helpful. Pregnancy and parenting made me learn how to push less and flow more (including working more slowly than I'd really like).
Great News Silvio ...Congratulations to both of you!
So for me, I was juggling all things together last year as I was into a full-time job as well hustling side by side with my company and having a kid. I had divided my whole day into sections wherein I used to accomplish the works assigned as per the priority along with taking care of my wife and son. Now it's kind of better than last year, of course with my parents living in with us. Also, my wife is also now helping me with the Operations and finances of the company and we just launched our alpha version of the product.
Thanks! Mind sharing how you blocked out your time? I think that's key... but right now, mine seems to be one big block from 5am to about 6pm.
I divided it into three blocks of time morning (9 AM-1 PM), afternoon (3 PM-7 PM), and night (9 PM - 2 AM). If I had an interruption or couldn't accomplish the goals of that block, instead of wasting the whole day, I used to waste only one block of the day. It was a very small way to think about how to plan the day, but it increased my productivity many folds.
Hey Silvio!
Congrats - you're starting an amazing journey!
I'd echo the comments already made, and also add that every woman's pregnancy will be different so any advice you get you'll have to really think about whether it's going to be applicable to your wife.
I'd also add on to have a good discussion about how things will be when the baby arrives - there's a lot of things to do 😀 So now is a good time to build in some good productivity habits - a bit like it's been discussed to outsource, to prioritize, all of those things.
We're all supporting you!
Thank you, Maxwell! Excellent points 👍
Thanks for sharing! Similar boat for me in that I just had my 3rd kid, side hustle and full time job too.
On Business/Product Priorities
Time might not allow reading the whole book now but "The Hard Thing about Hard Things" has helped me think in terms of making hard decisions for what to prioritize with limited time.
In your Self Care
We are here to support you bro. Please share your burdens as much as needed. Getting it out there helps release that. I think you should def communicate your burdens with your wife but having a support group can help you with the load.
I've heard of that one but haven't read it - thanks for the recommendation! And I really appreciate the support, thanks. This community is proving to be really caring and I love that about it.
hey Silvio, hang in there! I was there not too long ago. Is there any way you can hire help from upwork or fiverr while you try to get your head above water? In my opinion it's a must. I was shocked too by how brutal the first trimester is (and we aren't even the pregnant ones! lol). My wife basically lived on chocolate chip cookies during that time because she couldnt keep anything else down. I also remember that music was a helpful distraction for her.
Music huh? I'll give that a shot! As for hiring, it's one of those things where I don't have time to do it, even though it'll save me time 😅 Excuses excuses
When it comes to figuring out the workload, I am a big fan of the DDDA strategy: try to cut your workload by HALF if you can, and slow the pace. It's fun to go fast, but the forcing function of doing less and slowing down can actually help you focus on what's absolutely necessary (and cut the rest).
I have a whole book I wrote about it (called Do Half), it's free on my newsletter as an optin (startupparent.com/half) or if you hate newsletter subscriptions it's $8 on startupparent.com/minibooks. This is a process for how to cut your work down a bunch and why it matters.
DDDA is about delegate, delete, defer, automate.
This is the BEST time to figure out what can wait and what should be wholesale eliminated. Add someone else to your team that you can delegate to (an admin assistant can be a huge game-changer, especially throughout the rest of pregnancy and the whole first year). Figure out if anything can be automated or simplified.
I have a lot of resources if you want some more help, I run Startup Parent and we have a podcast (the startup parent podcast), and I just generally like helping fellow parent entrepreneurs so if you have more Q's I'll see what blog posts / episodes / resources we've built and how we can support you!
Silvio,
Congrats! We had our first in 2020, and my wife is is on week 13 with our second now. Like Sam said, the morning sickness should subside soon. Everyone, and every pregnancy is different, but generally by week 16 it calms down. For my wife, she barely had any morning sickness in our first pregnancy, but on this second it was very rough on her until around week 12.
I think the others gave some good advice on how to manage. One thing I would point out is my wife throughout her pregnancy has needed more sleep, and in the last few months would often get a case of the "pregnant brain" as it's affectionately called.
Now's a good time to create, bolster and use your support network. You'll need them even more after the little bundle of joy is born.
J
Congrats to both of you! I am not a father myself and to be honest, as a solo founder, I don't understand how parents bootstrappers do it. However, we have multiple parents in the WBE Space and they seem to manage quite well. One thing that I notice is that they are proud to be parents entrepreneurs and they embrace it. I guess in the end you need to organize yourself better but I am sure that this will make you a better entrepreneur.
Hope so!