Cold Email Notes: Don't list features, tell me how it works

Hey IH,

I get a lot of cold emails, and for a long time, I've never had much respect for them. Recently though, after having to write a few myself, I've grown a genuine appreciation for the skill.

It's crazy hard and you're my hero if you write cold emails as part of your day to day.

I do want to get better though. And because I fancy myself a harsher critic than I am a copywriter, I took some notes on this cold (privacy redacted) email I received.

My goal isn't to rip apart someone's hard work, but to start building a treasure trove of cold email notes and principles to remember. I hope it helps someone here too.

Here we go -

1. 👎 Remove anything that doesn't help form a connection

I had reached out to you a few days back with regards to hiring remote senior software engineers for Diffbot

I've seen a lot of emails do this, but I'm not sure it evokes any anything in me other than "Sorry not sorry". I would remove it.

2. 👎 In-person openers don't have the same effect in writing

Hope I am not disturbing you. I wouldn’t follow up with you if I didn’t strongly think that <company> can help you in your hiring needs.

This is another one that does nothing for me in two parts:

1. There's no need to apologize for my attention. I'm reading your email, so you already have it. Instead, maybe thank me for my time.
2. As a marketer, I know I was probably one of 1000s of recipients of this same automated funnel. So this second bit doesn't really work.

Personally, I would just remove this section altogether as part of 1 - remove anything that doesn't help form a connection.

3. 👍 Have an easy to read value proposition

<Company> enables you to hire senior pre-vetted remote engineers who have strong technical & communication skills and work in your timezone.

This value prop statement hits all the right notes without being overly long or jargon-y. If it's something I need, I'll keep reading, if not, I'm trashing the email. Good value prop statements get right into the root problem, this one doesn't quite nail it, but it's plenty good.

4. 👎 Social proof is better if it forms a connection

100+ companies including those backed by Google Ventures, Andreessen, Founders Fund, Kleiner and Bloomberg have hired <Company> engineers.

There are several degrees of separation here between their actual customer, the company they represent, and the investors who invested in those companies. Each degree away from the actual customer makes it all the harder to form a connection.

This would've been a really good place for a personal testimonial directly from a hiring manager. Something that highlights one or more of the value props mentioned in 3.

5. 👎 Don't list features, tell me how it works

This is one of the toughest habits to break. No one feature in a list is going to suddenly catch my eye. If it does, it should've been in the value prop statement.

If you absolutely have to list features, it helps to personalize. I don't care about 100+ skills, I care about the 2 skills I'm hiring for. It's a bit more work to dig into our careers page to get a sense of the skills, but it might interest me to see that you've done your research on our individual job listings.

An alternative here is an explanation of how it works, and we can easily get creative to make your recipients feel special. Like "Just let me know what kind of engineers you're looking for and I can send over some resumes of engineers available to start today, completely free. If you like what you see, we're happy to share more vetted candidates."

I'm also taking advantage of the reciprocity effect by offering to send over a resume for free in return for a basic request. It's a small gesture that isn't worth much alone, but jumpstarts the conversation.

Putting it all together

Hi Mike,

My name is Jerome and I'm with <Company>. <Company> enables you to hire senior pre-vetted remote engineers who have strong technical & communication skills and work in your timezone. Here's what John Doe, one of our hiring managers, had to say about his latest hire from us:

"With <Company>, we're able to save everyone's time by skipping straight into culture and vision fit. We've hired 5 engineers from <Company> and will keep doing so."

I noticed that you're looking for machine learning and full stack engineers with proficiency in Python and Java. We've already vetted engineers here for technical and communication proficiency and I'd like to send you one of their resumes for free. Just let me know if you're interested.

If you like what you see, we're happy to share more candidates. Or you could just keep the resume and reach out to them directly. A little appreciation from us for your time.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Jerome Choo

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