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5 Comments

Copywriting noob & can't decide between two headlines

I'm not really that experienced with copywriting and I'm doubting what the best headline is to use for the hero section of my landing page.
Without any context of the product, what makes you most interested and/or understand what the product is about:

  1. Turbocharge your sprint planning
    Integrate your existing scrum tools, easily get the whole team involved and receive valuable metrics & insights for your sprint planning in a fraction of the time.

  2. Make your sprint planning meaningful
    Startblock helps scrum teams make a valuable & achievable sprint planning, without having to compensate on time, data insights or team collaboration.

Which headline do you think is the best or are both confusing? Would appreciate any feedback!

What's the best headline?
  1. First headline
  2. Second headline
  3. Both headlines are bad
Vote
  1. 1

    Hey @Sprouter,

    Of the two, I would go with the second option. The first is ambiguous. What does turbocharge really mean? That could mean anything. It doesn't speak to the problem.

    Having to go through sprint planning regularly, I understand it can be difficult if the team does not participate.

    If you're targeting scrum masters, tap into that feeling of having to "herd cats". Tap into that "ugh" feeling that scrum masters often feel when they have to go into sprint planning.

    Sprint planning doesn't have to be a chore. <- Speak to that if that's what your product solves.

  2. 1

    I like the 2nd one more. It simple and direct!

    "Turbocharge" isn't really something that a normal human will use in a sentence. Here is a good rule of thumb. You get $50 dollars for every word that you simplify/take out.

    It seems like the niche is quite specific judging by the copy itself, and this might be counter intuitive but stay away from to much "business-sy" jargon, it kinda makes the copy hard to read.

    Other than that, I think you're on the right track my man!!

  3. 1

    How will your product benefit your customer? Will it make them more leads? Will it help them close deals? Will it make their teeth whiter? Will it make them successful with the ladies?

    Identify your customer's problem (lack of leads, poor sales, yellow teeth, sad dating life etc) and then tell them how your product solves their problem.

    Then your headline (and subhead, if necessary) will finally work.

    All the best!

  4. 1

    I like the first headline as it is more easy to visualise what the product would do.

    The first let me know I will be making the process more efficient and what I will be getting. In the second, the words "meaningful", "valuable", and "achievable" leaves much to the reader's interpretation and makes the copy too vague resulting in it being less persuasive.

  5. 1

    for the 2. option:

    • Replace "having to compensate" with "compromise".
    • Startblock, not sure the value of the name in the byline is high. (assumption: your logo or name is also in the header or otherwise visible in the branding)
    • "Help your scrum team" in the start of the byline
  6. 1

    This comment was deleted 2 years ago.

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