June 11, 2019

Critique my sales pitch

Alex Daro @AlexDaro

Hey hackers!

I'm spending this week reaching out to potential customers and I'm getting my sales juices flowing... I'm cold pitching people on my app to see if they want to use it... Take a look at what I am saying in the email:

*****
Hi there <name>!

I run an e-commerce technology company that specializes in custom app development.

We’ve built an app that allows you to easily schedule promotions on Shopify.

Take a look! <url_of_product>

If you don’t use Shopify or simply aren’t interested, that’s totally fine! We also partner with companies to build custom solutions.

Just keep us in mind next time you are looking run your sale or promotion.

Cheers!
*****

What do you think? Too salesy?

If there are any good salespeople in hacker land, please reach out!

  1. 4

    That email is way to much about you.

    That first line looks like you're some random agency wanting to build them custom apps.

    @bubsolow email looks good. Only thing better would be to add some personalisation in it at the start, that way they know you're not spam.

    Some email clients show the first few words, and having your name doesn't add anything.

    Subject line that always worked for me was "Quick question about your promotions"

    1. 2

      Good point, that makes complete sense. I will dial back the app stuff and focus more on how I can help them run better promotions. Appreciate the feedback!

  2. 2

    Based on experience.

    People love to give pieces of advice. Knowing this mentality, you can leverage that to gain traction.

    Question is how?

    1st - Don't talk about yourself too much because you are in your sales pitch.

    2nd - The best pitch is to NOT pitch

    If I were to create a sales pitch to gain some traction. Here's what I would do.

    Subject line: Question about {name_of_company}

    Body Text:

    Hi there {name},

    It looks like you have a successful Shopify store and I'm really impressed with what you do and so I decided to personally reach out to seek your advice.

    I've built an app that allows you to easily schedule promotions on Shopify.

    Would you mind taking a look at it and tell me what you like/dislike about it?

    Here's the link: {link_here}

    Again, people love to give advice.

    And the more you involve them with the development of your project, the more they will be invested in your project. And the more they are invested - you know what's gonna happen next :)

  3. 2

    Okay, here we go...

    Hi there <name>!

    so far so good.

    I run an e-commerce technology company that specializes in custom app development.

    Not important, don't care. Lost attention. Cut it.

    We’ve built an app that allows you to easily schedule promotions on Shopify.

    You've done something, and you're framing it as extra work for me? Why should I care? Why are you telling me this?

    Take a look! <url_of_product>

    WHY????????

    If you don’t use Shopify or simply aren’t interested, that’s totally fine! We also partner with companies to build custom solutions.

    Good for you. But again... why are you telling me this and why should I care?

    Just keep us in mind next time you are looking run your sale or promotion.

    (deep breath...) why why why why why why why?

    ---------

    To summarise, after reading this email, I understand...

    • Who you are

    • What your business does

    • What you want from me

    • (Sort of) what your product does

    Fine.

    But here are the things I actually need to understand if you want me to buy...

    • Why are you contacting me?

    • What (important) pain are you solving for me?

    • How will my life be better after using your product? (what value do you provide?)

    • Why should I believe/trust you?

    • What next step do I need to take to start seeing that value ASAP?

    And I need you to help me understand this...

    • quickly

    • in active, "you-focussed," easily understandable language that your customers use

    Here's an example...

    *(but bear in mind, I don't know your audience, the language they use or the pain/value, so my email will be wrong - only the format is important)

    -----------------

    Hi Jeff,

    I'm reaching out about your Shopify store. Was on the site earlier today and saw you have some awesome promotions going.

    You must find it a massive pain in the ass scheduling all those promotions manually. Been there myself. So much wasted time you could have spent on marketing, product or just getting home early to the family once in a while.

    What would it be worth to you to reclaim that time and never have to think about scheduling promotions again?

    If the answer is $20/month or more, you're in luck...

    ... because you can join 30+ store owners just like you who use PRODUCT to reclaim that wasted time with our easy-schedule tool.

    You can take 3min in your next coffee break and try it for free here.

    Here to help,

    Louis

    PS: Have questions or want to see exactly how you'll save time and make more money with PRODUCT? Click here to schedule a quick call and I'll walk you through it.

  4. 2

    Let us know how this goes/ what your response rate is — i'd be curious : )

    This looks good to me but cold pitching is a tough one.

    1. 1

      Yeah I agree, it’s gonna be a slog.

      I’m actually curious if I should approach it from the angle of “i’m a consultant that can help you with building e-commerce technology”.... and from there recommend my app if they have a specific use case.

      I’ll keep you posted!

      1. 1

        i read through newclick.io, where did the idea for the product come from?

        1. 2

          I've been consulting for an e-commerce company over the last two years and one thing they LOVE to do is run promotions. We essentially run a promotion for every US holiday.

          I was tasked with the lovely job of publishing and rolling back promotional content on the site (banners, transactional emails, etc..). So I did what any red-blooded engineer would do, automated the hell out of it.

          I figure other Shopify stores will have the same need so that's why I productized it.

          You can read more about it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/shopify/comments/by9llr/sleep_easy_schedule_your_themes_without_shopify

          1. 4

            Nice! I took a stab at writing a sales pitch based off what I gathered lol

            Just a different perspective. Hope it's useful & good luck!

            Hi!

            I'm “Full Name”. 👋 If you’re tasked with publishing your Shopify store’s theme, i’d love to share a tool you’ll love. If not, feel free to forward this email to whoever that may be on your team — they will appreciate you!

            How can I be so sure?

            Because I've been responsible for publishing & rolling back Shopify store themes for the last few years and finally solved my own problem.

            I created Theme Scheduler Pro and have been setting & forgetting my promotions and scheduled content ever since.

            It's an easy to use Shopify App that allows you to set a date and time for a new theme to go live. No more staying up late waiting for your promotion to end!

            I'd love to connect & answer any questions you may have about how I can help you.

            Feel free to schedule a call here.

            Cheers,

            “First Name”

            1. 3

              OMG This is GREAT! Thank you

            2. 2

              I like this take, too. A lot more direct! @AlexDaro, would you consider AB testing the two versions? Purely for selfish reasons I'm curious to see which one gets a response.

              1. 3

                Definitely! Will let you know how it goes.

                1. 1

                  I am curious of the A/B results too.