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How I hold myself accountable to my side projects as a dad who works full time

Good day fellow indie hackers 👋

I'm Khoa, you may have known me via my AMA I make side projects as
a full-time dad

For your interest, I'm making PastePal, Almighty, WWDC Together and a ton of other open source on GitHub

That AMA had quite some questions from people about how I cope with difficulties and stay consistent. So in this post, I will expand a bit on my answers there with some more insights.

I was about to give up

I moved to Norway over 6 years ago to work for a company that makes popular Swift & iOS open source. It was fun and I could spend all my free time making things for free.

But when I have a family and the first baby, things change. Even if you earn 10x, it still sounds so little because you have many expenses and your time is quite limited.

And it's not only about the money, it's about building wealth, something with unlimited upsides. It has to be both fun and sustainable.

As a father, I know I have to do more.

Waking up early, changing your life

Having a kid in a foreign country, all by ourselves and without any support from parents is a real challenge. I didn't have all the free time like before and I want to spend more time with my son. It's not only about reduced time, it's about the reduced energy, the sleepless nights when he gets sick. While many just throw an iPad to let the kids entertain themselves, that's a no go to me.

Family is a choice. Having children is a choice. When you choose that, you have to commit to that. There's no point having a kid when you don't want to spend time with them or ensure a better life for them.

I'm not alone. I joined Twitter again early last year, discovered Indie Hackers community, and found many other indie parents who are in the same boat, and the common answer is simply to wake up early, to concentrate on work when the family is still sleeping.

You don't need more free time, you just need to be more focused.
So even with 1 or 2 hours in the early morning, I have 365 more hours a year to make more products. It's still better than nothing.

How to wake up early without disturbing the whole family?

I have to admit I used to set up like 10 alarms, 10 minutes after another each. That didn't work as I ended up snoozing all of them.

The trick I found is to set up an alarm on my Apple Watch in silent mode at 4:59, and another alarm that will stroke really loudly at 5:00 in my workroom. I have no choice but to get up on time.

There was a day when my son woke up at 4 AM and I had to play lego with him, but that's a story for another day.

How I validate ideas and decide which ideas to build

I've been making a few free open source apps (electron, Mac, iPhone) before making paid apps. And PastePal is not my first paid app, I made nearly 20 other apps that didn't get traction.

I don't think I know anyone who creates just 1 or 2 products and they are all successful. What I found is to just build something, you will experience lots of problems along the way that you want to improve. It could be an email service, a localization platform, or a tool to get customer feedback.

But just don't start with an idea. Start with a painful problem you experience yourself, build in public, validate and iterate.

It's hard to fix problems when you don't get them firsthand. And it's hard to keep maintaining the app when you yourself don't even it daily.

I know people advise to aim for product-market fit, but try to align that with solving a painful problem you face.

Go slow but don't stop

I feel like the tech industry doesn't value if you have kids, people only care about the products. It's easy to get to the feeling of being left behind, that you don't do quick and good enough like other builders on Twitter who share every 1 hour, even on weekends and holidays.

The thing is, there will always be people who work harder, spend more time, are more experienced, sacrify more than you to achieve success.

Run your own lane, at your own pace. Because you have another the #1 priority, your family to care for.

What does it mean to be indie parents?

I've made these 3 visuals to share what I mean to be indie parent

Shoutout to all parents who sacrifice to present more in the life of their kid. I know you may feel tired, no time to do what you like. We've all been there. But remember that we're living the best years of our lives, and every moment does not come the 2nd time.

Machine can work 24h/day
A human can work 16h/day
You may only work 1h/day.

That's fine.

No one is too busy in this world. It's all about priority.

Not much free time, but lots of quality time in return.

Thanks for reading, hope you find this post interesting. Happy raising. Happy building.

If you'd like to chat, I'm on Twitter https://twitter.com/onmyway133

  1. 3

    I have to shout out to @jasonleow @scharfnado @jdnoc @mijustin for leading examples about how raising kids and building things are all possible. Thanks for all the advice and sharing, I've learned a lot from them.

    We're actually living the best years of our lives

  2. 2

    No one is too busy in this world. It's all about priority.

    That’s absolutely right and you’ve opened my eyes. Lately I’ve been feeling like I have no time. I’ll start setting my priorities straight.

    1. 1

      I've heard that kids under 7 years old require lots of our attention, so take it easy and don't let the side hustle consume you

  3. 2

    Very nice post.
    Indie parent (that sounds so cool) of 2 here.

    What works best for me is after 8PM when the kids are in bed.
    The only disadvantage is that this week is busy with some social stuff /sports in the evening + feeling a bit sick and then I have the feeling I can't get enough done... Always a struggle :-).

    Happy to connect: https://twitter.com/kattrisen

    1. 1

      Happy that you 've found your work time. Holiday week is also the busiest week to me, visiting friends & relatives, doing social and taking kid out so couldn't work much.

  4. 1

    I'm an older indiehacker and an older first-time parent. My advice is to have some goals or even metrics for your parenting. What do you want to be a part of? How will you know you are having the positive impact you want on your child? What do you want to learn about parenting to do your best? What experiences do you want to give your child?

    When you are being effective at family (including children), there is less guilt, broken promises, relationship mending and lost time. When you are being effective as a parent (your definition), you will feel more freedom to devote to whatever hobby, side-project, job, etc.

    I had to realize that weeks and months were different for my son and I needed to be flexible. Sometimes, I could invest more in my projects and sometimes I had to pull back. Thankfully, I've chosen projects that facilitate this fits and starts process, but I've also had to accept some difficult tradeoffs along the way. I've learned life and business will go on even after a screw-up and that's a good thing.

    1. 1

      Thanks for sharing. Great to know you've found the routine that works best for you. It's easy to fall into the feeling of being left behind, and that we're not doing fast enough than other makers on Twitter.

      But after all, different people have different goals. For us who choose family, we need to take that into high priority

  5. 1

    Hey, great article!
    Life with children is quite different than without, but that's always great to read feedback like your to keep in mind what we can still do!

    1. 1

      Glad you like it. Small kids require lots of attention, so just accept that and live on. I don't have much time to work on my side projects (which takes months instead of days), but that's fine.

  6. 1

    Great article, another indie parent here, agree with every word.

    1. 1

      Glad you like the article

  7. 1

    Thanks for sharing this! I can totally relate with this and props to you for not letting your kid play with yet another screen!
    I work 1h per day on my side project and I can make absurd amount of progress on that timeframe. You just need to get in the zone and have 0 distractions.

    1. 1

      Exactly. We just need to be more focused. Glad you find your schedule that works

  8. 1

    Just joined INDIE and looking for ways to earn an income. Smart, resourceful, hard working South African suffering in this economy. Please assist!!

  9. 1

    Thank you for your article. It's very unusual experience. I wish you to find the strength.

    1. 2

      Thanks for reading. I've learned to not let the side hustle consume us, but to take it easy and enjoy our moment

  10. 1

    Thanks for sharing. I'm struggling with finding a new routine after moving countries. Working late doesn't work as well as before. Kids are getting older and staying up later so more distractions after dinner. I'm going to have to experiment with a new schedule

    1. 1

      Moving to new countries is not easy, new things to learn and new routines to adapt to. I find that early morning gives fresh mind and energy, even with just 1 hour. Wish you all the best

  11. 1

    I'm not an indie parent, and probably won't be for a while but I found this extremely insightful and could relate on some level. (Not living in my home country)

    Thank you for this.

    1. 1

      Thanks for reading. People will surely have other concerns, not just kids, but how we deal with problems define ourselves

  12. 1

    That’s absolutely right and you’ve opened my eyes. Lately I’ve been feeling like I have no time. I’ll start setting my priorities straight.

    1. 1

      I've learned that we don't need more free time, we just need to be more focused. Avoid all the distractions. For example I've quitted Facebook last year and I don't feel like I miss anything

  13. 1

    How are you able to write articles on here? Can only certain people contribute?

    1. 1

      What do you mean?

      1. 1

        I figured it out after I wrote that. You have to have contributed to the community for a while to create posts I have learnt. Thanks for the great article!

      2. 1

        I think it's question just about articles in common. Some users need points or smth to post here.

  14. 1

    Can relate too Khoa! I switched from night owl to early birdie also because there's just no time in the day when caring for a young human being. Glad to connect here (just realised we are already connected on Twitter)!

    1. 1

      Just followed you on Twiter Jason. Also joined your 5am club

  15. 1

    As an indie parent of three (two kids and one side hustle), this post really resonated with me. As parents, it's tempting to take the easy way out and toss them an iPad and go work on your thing. But to what end?

    1. 1

      Ja, I've heard that even Steve Jobs and Bill Gates don't allow iPad at home

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