I failed my second project due to burnout | 12 projects in 12 months

Ok, this post is a hard one. I thought about hiding out but I promised that I would document this whole process and only letting you guys know when things are going well is not in the spirit of "building in public".

If you'd had asked me 3 months ago what I thought of burnout, I would have told you that it was a term that people throw around when they're tired and overworked. But my experience is so much more than that. I'm no expert on the subject so I have no authority telling you what you should do and what you shouldn't. Instead, I'm going to share my personal experience.

I set up project #2 of my 12 projects in 12 months. I hit the ground running, I got all of the strategy and design work done in week one (pretty much). I was ahead of my schedule (which was good because the holidays were fast-approaching).

I hit week 2 and I ran into some personal issues at home that meant that I did not have the time or headspace to do this project justice. All good, though. By my judgement, I was a week ahead anyway so no big deal. The third week came around and I found myself more tired than usual, low in mood, and almost physically unable to work. Again I say to myself that it's fine, I'll take a few days off and come back to it. I still have plenty of time to get the project done on time.

The time between then and now was filled with only what I can describe as depression, debilitating weakness and exaggeration to the point that I struggled to get out of bed in the morning. A feeling that I have never felt in this flavour before. I've had trouble finishing projects but one problem I have never had is putting the hours in. I've been a workhorse for the last decade, I've not taken a single sick day. I always showed up, no matter how shitty I felt, or how monumental the task was. I always worked. But no matter how many times I try to code a line of this project, I'm almost met with a counterforce, stopping me from making any progress at all.

I know this post isn't fun. It isn't optimised for your reading experience or crafted to hit a trending topic. This is how I write and I think the raw content is something we're lacking online. If I can promise you all anything, is that I'll always say it straight. So what do I do now?

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I believe very much in pushing yourself, striving to achieve what you previously thought impossible, overcoming adversity. I truly believe that is where the most growth comes from. But as of now, I have to put my health and wellbeing first. I'm disappointed I've only got one project in the bag but I promise I'll be back and I'll start something new once I've taken a sabbatical. I fear that if I don't stop now that I may fall out of love with this craft that I've poured so many years into.

I haven't been part of this community for very long but it's one that I'm fond of. A community I want to be even more active within when I get back. If you've been feeling like this, take the time and get yourself right before you jump back into work so you can give your best to your craft.

Perfectionism would have historically meant that I'd write this project off completely never to return. This time, I'm going to try and make that change. In the spirit of the project and in what I'm trying to gain from this experience.

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Stay safe and keep moving forwards,

Aaron