I'm socially awkward and afraid to show my work

So I have been pondering on whether to write this post or now for nearly 2 months now.
And this entire post is probably going to go on like an inner monologue.
Before that takes the reigns, let me introduce my self. I'm am what you'd call an average Indian guy, I guess, Got into a decent enough engineering college. Settled for a Electronics & Instrumentation, because I couldn't get into CSE or Electrical (Trust me, Its a big deal in India and getting into any computer science branch is difficult, not incredibly difficult but still).

Did my engineering, got a decent job, research & development unit, society's not happy with me, but they cannot nitpick. And with my experience, certain people in certain circle love to nitpick and put others down.

Most people are happy with this, but there's this itch inside my brain, where I constantly brainstorm products and tech. I get frustrated when not allow to experiment with things, like in my office, I am not allow to use AI (not even regression to analysis data to detect pattern of railroads, so that we can come up with a fault detection system and decrease our service cost).

Constant experimentation and development in order to achieve something that makes a difference, is my true happy place . Like in college, I tried to develop a hoverboard. Not because its a cool toy, but If I could replace elevators and escalators in sky scrappers.

Anyways, in 2020, when I was not allowed to work on the above mentioned data analysis project, I got really into deep learning, ML and AI and what are the other possible use -cases for such a tech. I studied the mathematics and frameworks behind the tech, what the large tech companies and researchers are doing and stumbled on to Neuro.

I was practicing my deep learning skills, I decided to pursue a career in AI. I developed Neuro, as a no-code solution to quickly develop Neural Network and ready them for prediction. As I connected with more experienced people, who were already working with ML/AI, I stared at another glaring problem.
Alot of people cannot deploy AI models, and if they do, they cannot maintain it in production, there's no testing framework, no analysis of model or a library to debug it.

Thats what Neuro was going to be, so I started working on it, brought it to a certain level and decide, that it, lets show the world. And that, ladies and gentleman, (if you have made it this far in to post....), is when the anxiety got the better of me.

A better statement would be, that's when I noticed my anxiety, because for a long time, I had been putting off, marketing my working. In the back of my mind, I knew how important marketing is.

But till this point, I have worked with a variety of things in Deep Learning, be it analysis with structured data, images or text (NLP). Or be it methods like knowledge distillation that help you run an AI on a device rather than on a cloud. I had brainstormed a library to scan database. I had come up with an MLOps platform based on an electron app, linked it with my no-code AI solution for experimental tracking and storing databases on the cloud to be retrieved but I had not been public about it.

I have always been like this, took me a slight time to fit in, I second guess alot. Recently during the pandemic, I have revisited a lot of my past instances to get to the root of my cause or atleast identify patterns so that I can get rid of them and move forward stronger and better.

Something that accelerates my heartbeat, it seems irrational and illogical. I want to show my work to the world but at the same time, the other half of my brain goes, there are doctorates and post-doctorates who haven't come up with this solution, why would they listen to you. Ok then, you need to work more on it and I would, but to what extent and till when is the question that is continuously staring in my face ??

Sooner or later, but mostly sooner, I will have to go all out on this. Just be afraid and do it anyway

That's my professional journey, till this moment. A big thanks to Andrea Bosoni,
(@theandreboso on twitter), who encouraged me to do this.

I'm writing this article, for the people who have been anxious and feared, I'll let you know you're not alone, everyone fears, get stresses, get anxious because of something or other. Its just human nature

"The only time a man can be brave is when he is afraid"