Landing Page Feedback February 13, 2020

It's Live - Feedback Requested

Jeff D. @1smilingnomad

Thanks for all your feedback so far. New site is live:

I'd welcome feedback and critiques on the site.

Specifically, I'd like to make sure the message is clear and value proposition compelling.

I'd also like suggestions for what I can do to improve it. I'm currently shooting some testimonial videos with clients which will be shown in a new section under the results section.

Thanks so much!

  1. 1

    The mixed branding makes the page a bit confusing. Parts, such as the company name and footer links (with "we") seem to be company branded, but the majority of contents seems to be more personal branding. It's better to be consistent.

    There is too much first person copy. Focus on the prospect, not yourself. That's what people care about. Try to rewrite it so there is more "you" than "I" or "we."

    The copy seems a bit generic for the most part. All business advisors promise growth. What makes you different? What will it mean for your target audience in specific terms? Speak to the benefit and/or pain points in ways they can picture in their minds' eyes.

    I also don't think you really pay off the promise you set up in the hero area. How is it simplified? How do you remove the pain? Why should anyone believe it?

    I would reword your CTA., particularly the heading "Ready to work with me?" Questions can be good involvement devices, but asking the wrong questions can backfire. I suspect for most people the answer to this would be "no." Granted, I don't know your typical sales process like you do, but I can't imagine anyone would be ready to commit without speaking to you first, finding out pricing, timetables, etc.

    Perhaps you could reposition it in a way that adds more immediate value and moves the prospect just to the next step. Maybe it's to contact you for a free initial consultation or a customized proposal or something of that nature.

    Finally, I wouldn't include a heading for the blog until you have at least one post. You're focusing attention on what's lacking.

    Hope that helps. Best of luck.

  2. 1

    The website is easy to read and looks professional.

    For me it's a bit confusing, starting with the tagline: "I take the pain out of growing a consistently profitable business.". Is it for a business that's already (consistently?) profitable and you help it scale? Or you help grow a business into a "consistently profitable" one?

    I am also missing a bit the expertise proof, why would I trust that someone outside the field that my business is in would find the core issues in my domain of expertise (more than I already know), without them having any prior experience in it. Does it apply for any type of business? Ecommerce? Commerce? Software? Restaurants? Taxi?

    I’ll teach you elements of Design Thinking, The Lean Startup, Business Model Canvas, and the Value Framework, to help you with this.

    This sounds a bit like the business will be forced to change entirely it's way of operating, and every business should be a "lean" one.

    I am not sure who the target audience is based on this.

  3. 1


    Watched your video, it's good, I like it, would probably look to chop it down to 90 seconds max but it's good.

    I'm confused, who is your target market? How do people find you?

    The writing that needs some help.

    "Grow a consistently profitable business with heart."

    What does this mean? I don't understand the with heart piece.

    I prefer, "Business Growth Simplified."

    Then this -

    "If you're tired, overwhelmed, and feel like your business isn't growing or making a difference the way you'd like it to, I can help."

    These are all downer things my friend and well WAY TOO MANY WORDS.

    I prefer, "We take the pain out of business processes leading to increased revenue."

    It's not getting much better...

    "I will help you unleash your full potential and gain:"

    What is your gain? Yeah see that doesn't work as a word in this context. Also it's not about the person as much as it should be about the company succeeding.

    Try instead, "A better company through process"

    I'm going to jump around a bit because really it all needs to be changed.

    "I have developed a systematic process that will untangle chaos, simplify confusion, and clarify ambiguity in your business."

    You just said the same thing three different ways in a sentence.

    untangle chaos
    simplify confusion
    clarify ambiguity

    and they are all very complex ways of saying simplify thought processes with goal mapping.

    The number one piece of advice I give all my clients.

    Read things out loud.

    "I lead you and your team through fun, approachable, and collaborative workshops, discussions, and interviews. I ask bold questions, challenge your assumptions, scrutinize your data, and stimulate your curiosity. I conduct impactful fact finding and research to fill in gaps and deliver fresh insight and perspectives. I'll teach, mentor, and coach you throughout every step of the process giving you knowledge, confidence, and support. As a result, you'll gain the perspective, clarity, focus, to build the business you want."

    Extra space between "I" and "lead" I just read the rest of the sentence, wow.

    You have a double "and" with way too many things and this paragraph is too long.

    Let's break it down.

    "I ask bold questions, challenge your assumptions, scrutinize your data, and stimulate your curiosity."

    So you're an asshole that judges my business decisions. Holy hell my friend. I'm not being super kind myself here but you're trying to sell people on working with you.

    I think what you're trying to say is, "I strive to build a solid understanding of your business from all angles and partner with you to achieve success."

    "I conduct impactful fact finding and research to fill in gaps and deliver fresh insight and perspectives."

    Dude read this out loud, you "and" 3 TIMES IN ONE SENTENCE!

    "I'll teach, mentor, and coach you throughout every step of the process giving you knowledge, confidence, and support. As a result, you'll gain the perspective, clarity, focus, to build the business you want."

    Which one are you? Is a teacher hands on? Is a mentor? Is a coach? What are you responsible for? I'd pick just one.

    Yeah, what is the process? You haven't provided this yet. So you can't talk about it, until you provide it.

    As a result of what? The process of your knowledge, confidence, and support? It's not clear.

    I get that you're reusing words from above here, but clarity and focus are the same thing. Is this about building business or growing a business? These require different things.

    What stage do you work with companies on? This isn't clear by the messaging.

    I just read your success story for the lawn care it's better, but still a lot of "I then" and "I then" etc.

    No doubt you know what you're doing which is really cool, I can dig the 3x return on investment. You're video shows me you are passionate about helping people.


    If you can't write with clarity I have questions. If you use three or more adjectives to describe things, I have more questions.

    If I need help with my business, I want someone that is clear, decisive, and confident.

    No wasted words, no long paragraphs, a clear journey through understanding and building confidence. In short less is more.

    With the business use cases.

    How is $300k calculated in the nutrition one?

    What was the investment in total on the lawn one?

    It seems like these details were left out.

    If you bought the lawn company for $50,000 and sold it for $150,000 after investing $60,000 etc.

    You get my drift.

    1. 1

      Hey @jrivanco - Really appreciate all your feedback (particularly around writing). This definitely needs some work before it's ready for mainstream.

      I'll go through and make the changes you shared this afternoon (or at least a second cut). The video, I'll trim down over the next few days.

      Again, thank you so much! This is incredibly helpful!

  4. 1

    The site looks pretty good. I liked the touch of playfulness at the scheme where your business leads a potential client. Videos seem to be a vital trait.

    The styling could be a little more consistent: fewer variations of font settings, maybe the same animation effect for all buttons.

    1. 1

      Thanks on the font concept. I'll figure out what the developer can do to make that look a bit better.

  5. 1

    Is this 100% WebFlow (no-code)?

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