Looking for feedback on refactored copy for my landing page
Hey everyone, I'm building Dimensional, a modern memorization app.
I came across a guide on julian.com/guide/growth/landing-pages and incorporated some elements of it. The feedback section is really comprehensive. I'm not expecting everyone to answer all 6 questions, but it would be nice to know the components that need improvement.
Conversion — Are you willing to hand over your credit card and sign up right now? If not, what would you need to see to get to that point?
Interest — Rate how well the page sustained your interest on a scale of 1-10. What do you suggest be rewritten or redesigned to help it better sustain your interest?
Clarity — What’s unclear? What unanswered questions are you left with?
Expansion — Did you find something awesome you wanted even more details on?
Brevity — If you had to delete half the page's imagery and copy, which would it be?
Disbelief — What triggered your “Untrue! That’s scammy sales speak!” reflex?
I like the idea, but definitely would have missed it if I saw the landing page as a potential user and not as someone scrutinizing the landing page.
Needs to be more focused on the benefits and the problems you're solving
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"Effortlessly memorize everything you write down"
-> if I'm not actively writing things down, this sounds like I need to put in more effort
-> this is a huge barrier, i don't want more things to do
Instead use your next line:
"Rapidly build your personal memory system"
-> This is better, but system still sounds hard.
"Rapidly build your memory"
-> Great!
"with inline references, bulk editing, and intelligent autocompletion."
-> what?
-> you're talking about features, you need to talk about benefits
-> get your customer saying "that's what i need!"
"feel like everything you learn is in one ear and out the other?
dimensional is your answer"
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Your first screenshot is confusing -- it's too much of the focus without telling the user anything about what you're doing.
Show the process, but focus on the benefits for the user.
I don't care about the features (yet, maybe later) -- I want to know how it's going to help me improve my memory or to learn faster/better.
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good luck
Hey,
Thanks for the grading rubric. Here are my thoughts.
Incidentally I study Mandarin and so I am interested in SRS systems but it's not something which I'm focusing on right now. I might just not be your customer.
I really with you could somehow demonstrate to me how effective SRS done right can be. Not sure if that's possible.
Hmmm... if you could prove to me how effective your software is then I might be more interested.
Hmmm... I know something about SRS but not a ton. I think your landing page is directed at someone who's already sold on SRS. If you're writing for me you'd need to get rid of pretty much everything below 'Spaced repetition built for Speed' and help me understand why I should try SRS. Also, for me it would have to fit my use-case a bit better... but maybe I'm just asking for a language specific landing page or something.
But I would in general say that your copy could be more specific and more directed at how the product benefits me instead of the product's features... tell me why I should care and then back up your claims at the bottom with some info on the features... you don't even need that much info, just enough to get me to try the product out.
I hope this helps and good luck to you!