Mark Manson Explains You Have a Choice

There's an old parable that's also half a joke about two young fish swimming along when they come across an older fish. The old fish nods to them—the way fish nod to one another—and says, "Mornin', boys. How's the water today?"

The two young fish keep swimming for a bit until one looks at the other and says, "What the hell is water?"

The lesson to be drawn is that the most important realities in life are often right in front of our faces, yet they're also the ones that are hardest for us to see.

For humans, our "water" is embedded into the daily grind of life. The commute to work. Waiting in line at the grocery store. Calling a friend to see how they're doing. Paying the electric bill.

Much of adult life seems dull and unimportant. But if we look a little closer—actually, if we look right in front of our faces—we can uncover a simple yet powerful truth: life is a constant string of choices.

Or, to keep this fish-in-water metaphor going, life is a constantly changing sea of choices.

In every single waking moment of every single day, you are making choices.

You're choosing to read this now instead of doing something else.
You're choosing whether or not to let something else distract you.
Maybe you really need to pee and you’re choosing to finish reading this email (thanks, by the way—just don't piss yourself).
You're choosing whether or not to react to the emotions my words are triggering within you right now.

You're always choosing. Always.

Sure, sometimes you have to choose between two shitty choices. But every choice begets another choice, if not five or 105 more choices. Choosing from a set of bad choices can lead to a set of less bad choices, which can also turn into slightly better choices, and so on.

And as it turns out, feeling like we have choices gives us a sense of control and autonomy over our lives. And that feeling of control and autonomy just so happens to be one of the best predictors of wellbeing and happiness we've figured out so far.

And yet, despite this simple power of choice, humans have an almost endless capacity for denial.

We deny we have choices when inaction is more comfortable, when our identity is at stake, and/or when we think playing the victim will get us an instant dose of sympathy or even pity.

But denial only gives us short-term relief in exchange for long-term pain—and that's a terrible investment in your life.

Your reactions, your perspectives, where you place your attention... all of it—it's all your choice.

And you don't get to sit this one out.

Not making a choice—or denying you have one in the first place—is still a choice.

I've explained this concept so many times to so many people that I've lost count at this point.

But I never get tired of seeing the moment when someone gets it—when they really get it. It's almost like a religious experience.

Once it really clicks, you can practically see the movie of their mind rewinding back through all painful fuck ups, all the missed chances, all the words they left unsaid, all the words they wish they could take back.

And then comes the moment when they realize that not only did they have these choices in the past, but they also have them right now and every moment leading into the future.

All of a sudden, they're like Neo in The Matrix after choosing the red pill over the blue one. Nothing will ever be the same.

So my challenge to you is to face that pain now, wake up to the reality of your choices and start taking the choices in your life more seriously.

What choices are you avoiding? What choices are you making? What choices can you make today that will put you in a better position tomorrow?

Here are some examples to get you thinking:

You're choosing to resent your ex instead of forgiving them and taking your share of the responsibility for the failed relationship.
You're choosing to reach for your phone and scroll mindlessly for hours and hours instead of working on that passion project, engaging and connecting with your partner, playing with your kids, or cleaning the goddamn kitchen already.
Your boss might be an asshole, but you're choosing to buy the narrative that there's no point in getting a new job because the next boss will just be an asshole too and that capitalism is ruining your life and, oh ferfucksake, what's the use anyway?

In all of these situations, denying that you have a choice results in short-term relief in return for long-term pain.

So then, what are the choices you're making without acknowledging you have a choice in the first place?

And, most importantly, how can you make less shitty choices going forward?

Mark Manson explains choices and decisions in our everyday language: https://markmanson.net/