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20 Comments

My wife is no longer believing in my investments

I do a lot of investing and "tinkering". We're running low on capital and my wife is kind of getting frustrated with my investments because they haven't been very fruitful. I told her that investments compound and they take time to come to fruition. I've been working on a lot of projects trying to build a side hustle but nothing has stuck yet.

Is her frustration valid?

  1. 5

    Of course it's valid even tho I can understand that it doesn't help with the pressure you're probably already feeling.

    I think talking it through and setting expectations (on both sides) is probably the right move.

  2. 3

    I understand your sentiment that you want to hit it big, but at the same time you still have a duty to provide for your family. Nowadays, unless one person makes big money, families need two incomes to have a comfortable life.

    Why not go the safer router and get a job to get a steady income, while side hustling on the side in your free time and weekends until something sticks?

    Working a normal job is not something to be ashamed of.

    1. 1

      I agree. That's what I'm currently working on. Getting a job and having that steadiness of income until something sticks. It's not that I'm ashamed of getting a job, the issue is usually when all of my spendings goes toward side hustles.

  3. 2

    Perfectly valid. With low capital, all sort of issues can arise, stress and so on... especially when having a family, kids etc.

  4. 2

    If I become your wife, I will do the same. The best way to solve this problem is show the results as fast as possible. Tinkering not will make you money, but your action does.

    Go freelancing, get the money, and spend the rest of your time on your project. I was in your situation before, and I felt ashamed when I can’t make my wife happy

  5. 2

    You said this in another comment

    It's not that I'm ashamed of getting a job, the issue is usually when all of my spendings goes toward side hustles.

    Id ask what you are spending if you don’t have a job?

    If it’s your savings then that’s irresponsible. If it’s her income then that’s worse than irresponsible.

    I think your wife is totally valid here. Family comes first. Always.

    I want a really fancy sports car. And do you know what, technically I could get one. However it would be really detrimental to my household ( in terms of monthly outgoings) so I don’t.

    If you want to spend on side hustles I’d suggest getting a job. Then, setting aside a small subset of that income (that is agreed with your partner) on side hustle expenses.

    1. 1

      Yeah, most of what I was spending was coming from my income that I had when I was working. I just left my job in real estate to pursue a tech sales career, so that's what I'm currently working on.

      The bills get paid, I think she's just tired of me spending on so many "widgets" and "shiny objects" and not seeing any return on them.

      1. 1

        There’s more to life than the bills being paid though. Are you going out for dinners? Buying gifts etc.

        As newlyweds I’m sure she has expectations above and beyond simple the bills getting paid.

  6. 1

    Of course her frustration is valid!

    Investments don't compound if you make losing investments... Stop investing in stuff you hear is popular or high risk things.

    Invest with the low-risk methods that has proven successful in the long run. Value investing / Growth investing, passive investing etc.

    Stop blowing it all on r/wallstreetbets.

  7. 1

    How much Dogecoin did you buy? 😂

    1. 1

      🤣 none. I haven't hopped on that train....or any crypto train for that matter lol. It's mostly "tinkering" stuff. Courses, subscriptions, the likes.

  8. 1

    Your trading strategy is not guaranteed success, and your "belief" or her "lack of belief" has no impact on the value of the financial assets you are trading. There is no guarantee given any amount of time that your investments will return a profit. You can in fact, lose almost your entire investment. There should be zero "belief" that any trade will benefit you financially, as it is essentially no different to gambling.

  9. 1

    I might take a look at the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It gives a really simple framework for compassionately understanding someone's needs while also communicating your own.

    In this case I'd guess your wife feels frustrated when you invest your capital because she is needing financial stability (which may be tied in with feelings of basic safety, anxiety, etc). Based on that understanding, of course her frustration is "valid".

    Since you're investing and also starting a business, it sounds like your tolerance for risk is higher than hers. If you want to continue on that route, I'd say it will help you greatly to empathize with your wife's feeling, show her your empathy, and try to communicate to her your most honest understanding of why investing and starting a business is important to you (versus getting a job).

    1. 1

      Thanks for the book recommendation!

      I totally agree with your statement about my risk tolerance. It's definitely ALOT higher than hers. We're newlyweds, so a lot of it is just us getting used to doing things differently. I'm so used to just jumping out and doing things because it was just me and now I have a family to consider.

      Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. They were very insightful.

  10. 1

    You are in a marathon, not a sprint... If you are running out of cash, perhaps you expect too much too fast. Try a new strategy that will work for your family and make time your friend.

  11. 1

    Money does create tensions between marriage.

    For that do have some stable investments along with the risky positions.

    Her frustration is valid. Its just like the fear you get when someone else is driving and their driving style is a bit aggressive than yours.

  12. 1

    Tough question and one I can relate to. Without much detail I can't say if it's valid or not. How much time has it been, have you followed through, have you set realistic expectations (for yourself and for her).

    Years ago I had to face it, I wasn't committing like I should, and my ventures were not having the traction my family needed. I got a job. Then I worked for a couple startups. Now, years later, much more experience and I'm back doing a side hustle to go my own way. But that's on the back of financial stability w/ a good day job.

    You situation may be totally different, I hope those questions up top help.

    • Bryan
    1. 2

      Not much of a difference in your situation. I haven't been getting any traction with my side projects. But it's also only been about 3 or 4 months. The problem is I just recently left my job for a career in tech sales. So I'm still looking to get a job, I think the biggest issue is that it's just starting to look bad because I have all of this money going into investments and nothing to show for it.

      I hope all of that makes sense.

      1. 2

        From your other posts it looks like you are just starting out in learning how to build, let alone what to build and how to sell it. My recommendation to you is to help your spouse feel secure, prioritize a job first and foremost. Use your side time to learn to build something, so it takes the pressure off your marriage and off of you.

        1. 2

          This is perfect advice. That's definitely the steps that I'm taking. Thanks so much for chiming in!

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