Review a Cold email template?
I currently have an MVP and am sending out emails to potential users, small florists with delivery operations and other small delivery operators. This is my template:
Hi!
At Optimule.com we are currently building a platform to optimize, track and analyze route data to help save you time and money. We are looking for businesses with delivery operations to participate in the Private Beta.
Would you be willing to discuss this farther in a 10-15 min conversation?
Cheers
What do you think? The last line is the one that I think is the weakest.
Very weak example. You talk about yourself and ask for time. It is like dating girl in the bar and talk how good you are only. What is the problem you are solving? Why you are better than than other options? Save time and money , how much?
I would Mark his Mail as spam After reading the First sentences 😅
Sam Parr (The Hustle) has some great cold emailing advice. Here's what I'd recommend:
Hope this helps!
I reworded it. Maybe something like this would work:
It reads like an ad. Remember, you're emailing a real person. Make it personalized and genuine. Put yourself in your recipients' shoes.
Man, now that I read it over again, you are right. This is much harder than it looks...
It's harder, but it works! Best piece of advice is, never never never follow a template. Follow a structure (like AIDA in copywriting), but almost all the email should be customer. Pretend you're texting a friend. Would you text them this? If not, discard it
It's hard work for sure. I'm no expert, but have managed to close a few clients after reaching out cold. Here's a basic structure I use:
Hope that helps and good luck!
Yeah definitely does. I was trying to keep it short, so I probably cut out a ton. I will take your advice and revise the email. Cheers!
Hi {company/person}, reading {location of a blog, tweet, medium person/company expressed problem in}, looks like you suffer from {the problem you are solving}. I may be able to help - we built a platform to optimize, track and analyze route data which addresses this. We just added 2 new agencies in the past week. Lets talk turkey.
ideas taken from:
Love it! Bookmarking this one
I agree with @lukecannon727's advice. Try to personalise the email and make it more about them, but still keep it very short.
Also, focus more on "what's in it for them" (the benefit/result that your solution is providing).
Your ask of them should be very minimal. It must be easy for them to take the next step. Perhaps just ask for them to reply to your email for more info.
What is your target customers biggest pain point?