Growth October 29, 2020

Rewriting landing pages with a pro copywriter

Harry Dry @harrydry

Last week I asked people on social media to “submit your company landing page” and I’d rewrite it.

Well, we did it! I teamed up with Annie Maguire, one of the best copywriters in the business.

Hopefully this gives you an insight into the mind of a pro copywriter.

1) Everydae

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Put yourself in the customer's shoes. Kids don't care about “the next generation of SAT prep”. They care about “Acing the SAT”.

We also pulled up the $1 trial. And made the “five stars” feel REALER.

2) Banquist

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Banquist is a unique product. But they waste their uniqueness with a vague title that could mean fifty different things.

When you've got a unique product the golden rule is let the product speak for itself.

3) Dormio

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Customers' buy outcomes not products. What's more appealing:

a) A calming tea

b) A calming tea that helps you relax, unwind, and drift into deep, restorative sleep

4) JobBoardSheet

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Their current copy is clear. But it's also forgettable. So we looked down their page and found this new line.

It's much more specific. And handles the customer's four main objections in one sentence.

5) Silva

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Firstly, “Trail Runner Free” is very confusing. Is that the product? Is it free?

Also, there's no emotional pull. People don't get excited by a new headlamp. They get excited by new adventures. So sell the latter.

6) Socios

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Football fans don't care about “tokens”, “surveys”, and “rewards”.

Take ownership of the real problem. Fans are crying out to have their voices heard. Socios solves this. So own it.

Also, add social proof. You're literally working with Barcelona!

7) Counterweight Creative

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This one had promise. But the language is too vague. It doesn't feel REAL.

We replaced all their vague words with specific ones. You can't bullshit specifics.

8) Haako

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This one's more about repackaging than rewriting. You can't expect people to read one huge text block to understand your product.

So we condensed their text block to one sentence. And added an image to bring the product to life.

9) Ladybird driving school

Ladybird's uniqueness is that all their instructors are female. So don't bury it half-way down the page. Lead with it.

Write the title only you can.

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That's all folks. I hope you found this useful. Massive thank you to Annie. If you'd like to work with or learn from a world-class copywriter, I couldn't recommend her more.

If you enjoyed this one perhaps I can tempt you with my newsletter. I share a new marketing case study (like this one) each week. More case studies here

  1. 2

    Can you tell is how the difference in copy has also resulted in increasing leads/conversions or whichever your metric of acquision is? That would be super helpful

    1. 1

      we can't unfortunately. too many variables and a lot of the people haven't actually updated their landing page to our new one. So nothing to compare against!

  2. 2

    If only there was before and after conversion data haha

    1. 2

      would be epic yeah!

  3. 1

    Helo l will need your help...

  4. 1

    Oh wow, the difference looks really effective

  5. 1

    Well done @harrydry!

    It's almost impossible that the new versions won't convert more.

    Regardless, they all are more clear and provide a better visitor experience imo.

  6. 1

    🙏 Thanks for sharing and helping improve our sites @harrydry!

    I've just got a new customer for JobBoardSheet say they came from your newsletter.

  7. 1

    “Write the title only you can.”

    There’s a lot of value packed in that sentence. I forwarded this email to loads of people today. Awesome stuff!

    1. 1

      Cheers Andrew. Appreciate it. And agreed. I like that quote

  8. 1

    This was my fav edition of your newsletter to date. Nailed it!

    1. 1

      Cheers Alex. Appreciate it :)

  9. 1

    Awesome tips @harrydry and Annie!

    I was intrigued by your Linkedin post with an embedded slideshare. Super cool. I'm thinking about trying this for my next article.

    Since you deliver so much value inside Linkedin here, do you think this actually reduces engagement with your own site (and therefore subscriber growth)?

    1. 1

      good question. and possibly. but what's the alternative?

      link articles everywhere! and never build up any followers in the first place.

      like if all i did was post articles my Twitter wouldn't be 73k.

      And I use the Twitter threads, and LinkedIn slideshows to suck people into the newsletter. All my CTA's at the end of LinkedIn and Twitter direct people to the newsletter

      1. 1

        You're right. I like the strategy.

        I actually put together a slide deck on Slideshare as well; will be posting tomorrow on Linkedin. Did some digging and found you can embed "buttons" via links in the slides to hopefully improve the CTA's within the embedded slideshare.

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