Strong Desire to Connect With Other Entrepreneurs

Long story short, I quit a day job to start working on my first business last July. Have been working on this ecommerce business essentially every single day since the beginning of August which is when I received all of my legal documents etc. which allowed me to get serious. Launched my website in March of this year, don't quite remember the first months sales but April was 2k+. Since then I've hit 2k a few times but in the recent months sales haven't hit 2k again, usually its around $1500.

I have a large product catalog so none of that is really profit, it all goes right back into the business. The primary reason for the drop in monthly revenue is this business revolves around smokable hemp products, and Instagram was my main tool to reach customers in the beginning. Now IG has started to disable accounts associated with these products so I can no longer advertise them there.

I say all that to say this. I've been in isolation, more than I've ever been in my entire life and I was a pretty anti-social person growing up. There have been so many nights/days where I just don't know left from right/up from down/ wrong from right...just completely losing my mind from exhaustion and high hopes falling and rising. I can go two weeks with one or two orders and enter a deep depression, and then I get a call from a retail store with a $1k order. And then 3 more weeks with only a few sales, followed by a week with daily sales. I don't know if I'm coming or going, I don't know if I've worked so hard for so long for nothing or if it's all going to pay off.

I don't have anyone in the industry I'm in I can trust enough to talk to and bounce all of this off of, to try and get an idea of where I'm at. What I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. And after witnessing the cold and shady stuff I have so far, and seeing how people in my life have responded to me undertaking this venture, I have come to just not trust a soul. And some days this is just fine, some days I have nothing but complete faith and confidence in all of this. But other days, especially when I am tired I have noticed, I TEAR MYSELF APART. I don't want to make this very long, but I guess I'm just putting all of this out there on the off chance there are some decent people out there that might be able to help me put things in perspective.

When I start feeling worthless and like I have wasted all of my money and time, it leads me to horrible thoughts about just doing wreckless things and throwing away all my healthy habits. I guess it's because my self worth has become reliant on all of this working out. I've literally invested myself completely into this, I don't know what's left outside of working on this. I haven't told a single friend about this either, they probably think I'm still at my crappy job or just living off savings. I can't talk to any of them about this, they would probably look at me differently because I'm taking a huge chance and they are playing life safe and a lot of them don't have the resources I did to start all this up. I also just don't want people who's opinions I care about, saying anything negative about my goals/dreams/plans and that bad energy influencing me.

Sorry for the long post, if that isn't cool here just let me know(first post). If anyone out there has experience starting a business especially ecommerce, if you wouldn't mind chopping it up a bit I'm really in need of some fresh perspective. Thank you so much for reading!