The biggest promotion of my life
10 days ago I received the biggest promotion of my life.
I became a father.
A role that I’m beyond excited to take on and embrace.
A role that comes with never-ending (but rewarding) responsibility and commitment.
A role that has me being both the student and the teacher.
And so much more...
Here’s a question for any/all indie parents, especially the recent first-timers like myself.
What are some “tips” to stay focused and get back into the full swing of things? Is that even a thing?
I’ve still been slowly easing back into my somewhat regular day-to-day, but I’d love to hear how you have managed it for yourselves.
My best advice is:
(I moved this post to the Indie Parents group)
@rosiesherry these are amazing, I appreciate the sound advice and tips. cosleeping/cohabitating is something I've read quite a bit on, but I think we're still on the fence about it. Our little guy is still in the hospital for a few days before he comes home.
A top priority of mine is the shared responsibility and being as supportive as I can. I'd like to think I do a good job of this already, but there's still room for improvement no doubt.
The Montessori approach has been a big inspiration of mine. Google 'Montessori floor bed', see if that convinces you :)
My wife and I are expecting a baby girl in September— this is really helpful :)
I really enjoy the first 3-4 hours of uninterrupted work on weekdays. I worry that this uninterrupted block of time won't be possible after my paternity leave.
Any suggestions for sharing responsibility while preserving blocks of focussed time for work?
For us it has been about taking turns. We have a strict schedule drawn up about who is on duty when. Typically alternating morning/bed time duties.
I guess it also depends on what your wife does for work. Sleep deprivation is the worst, and if breast feeding the early months the baby is often dependent on the mother anyways. I think in other European countries the dads often take on more responsibility after the 6/9 month mark when there is less dependency on the mother.
My husband and I both work, so our focus is on figuring out how to fit in 8 hours of work time each day. We cannot do this without interruptions, for me this means removing work that needs to be interruption free. I avoided online/call for years because of this.
That's really helpful— thanks!
We've had time to practice on 5 kids and we homeschool for extra fun. Need to dig up the schedule we have, my husband made it on excel, color coded 'n' all that. I have it memorized now and we give each other dirty looks if we don't stick to it. 😆
Congrats, @stevebenjamins! The last few months go by the quickest in my opinion. You also never know exactly when the baby "wants out". If you haven't yet, I'd recommend doing a checklist for all of the items you need leading up to, during, and post-birth.
Having hospital bags and a suitcase packed with everything and more came in handy and helped.
I also did two "practice" runs of making sure I knew exactly where I was going with an alternative way of getting there just in case it was during high-traffic hours, or roads were closed.
Thanks Kris— working on a checklist and hospital bags, this is good motivation to get it finished :)
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Haha, fair enough.
I wasn't imagining our baby be left alone for several hours. Was more wondering if other couples have figured out scheduling to free the other person up for a few hours of focussed work.
Lol, this.
Congratulations! Fatherhood is a special role. One that you will likely have for longer than any other role in your life. I am not a first time father (expecting our third child here soon), but I always found the new born stage to be the hardest time with young kids. That primarily stems from the lack of sleep you get. So try hard to figure out a good routine with your partner for night time feedings and care. And sleep whenever you can.
As others noted, you won't have as much free time as you once did. Try to not see the lack of free time as a hinderance to personal goals or indie hacking. It can become easy to feel resentful that you don't have time to achieve the successes you are looking for personally and that can negatively affect your relationships.
In most things in life it's all a balance and we each must figure out how we balance all our responsibilities in life, and to decide when there are activities that we simply can not spend time on, either temporarily or indefinitely.
Good luck and congratulations again!
Thank you, @shichongrui! Also congrats on the third one coming soon, that's exciting.
I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience. It sounds like balance, shared responsibility, and just being on the same page are all equally important during these early stages. Something that we're generally pretty good at but like everyone else, could use a little work for sure.
❤️
Right back at you <3
First, congratulations Kris!
This is a role full of big challenges and bigger rewards.
For me, this is what is working
We (my wife and I) spend some time in the morning and afternoon playing with my son, who's 3yo and demands attention most of the time.
I don't work in blocks as he wants to play together almost all the time.
During the day I try to do the non-creative work, like formatting text, images, research...I'm writing a newsletter and active on Twitter as well (furloughed atm).
After he goes to bed, I normally do creative work, like writing.
But a newborn is a different situation. They're 100% depending on us. My suggestion is: Share parental responsibilities! And sleep! Whenever you can! It makes all the difference. After non-sleeping days, stress hits hard. We can't think anymore. For me it was terrible.
I guess @rosiesherry can give you way more suggestions than I can.
ps.: move your post to Indie Parents group to have more visibility
Thank you, @Leo!
I appreciate you sharing what's working for you and the honesty about the stress hitting hard. Expected, but not looking forward to that part.
I have a feeling that over the next few weeks I'll be shifting around the type of work I do during certain hours to make some of these accommodations.
Congratulations! :) Kids are amazing.
From my observations, kids like routines. They like to know what will be sequence of actions during the day. They like to repeat routines. They feel safe when they know what will be next. With routines, you will be able to plan your day.
All the best for whole family!
Congratulations! 🎉
And here I am, afraid to get a pet. 😂
I am not a father, so I can't give any suggestions, but from what I've seen some people actually enjoy the timeout the work gives them. Now your life gets a lot more complex, the work is even more separated from the family life and you end up having a more complete lifestyle :)
First of all, congratulations!
My kids turned 7 yesterday, and I'd like to share two thoughts.
I've always been someone never bored and with a lot of ideas and things to do, so having kids, and consequentially giving up most of my free time for quite some time, was something that scared me. I am also a "night owl" and getting up early scared me even more. And rightfully so!
I have no real tip to stay focused, except: don't try too hard. In hindsight I probably spent too much time trying to get things done and being frustrated about failing. In the end I spoiled the joy of being a father myself, for too long. If there's one time in your life where you shouldn't be too ambitious about yourself, it's the first ±3 years with your kid. Focus on your family, look after your partner and help where you can.
I acknowledge it's definitely easier said than done. If you're driven by building things, controlling the experience, and seeing results quickly, raising a child is quite the opposite experience. It isn't just fun and games. You will be stressed out, frustrated, tired, angry, exhausted,...
That leads to my second tip, which is an indirect measure: Maintain your relationship. My wife probably will read never this but I can't give her enough credit for giving me the space that I need. A stable relationship is key for getting to a point where you will be able to close the door behind you, put your headphones on (on both ears, not just on one because the kiddo might start crying!), and focus on your projects again.
All the best for your family!
Congrats! It's the best.
Getting out of the house to work used to be a tip... now it's noise-canceling headphones and hour-long electronic mixes.
Having a flexible schedule at home is great though. Getting to help wake up from nap time and play breaks is great.
One thing my wife and I had trouble early was ensuring I had unstructured work time. It was easy to get my task list taken care of each day with the baby at home but I wasn't getting the unstructured time that gives me creativity.
I could remember the day my first baby came I was doing a very important project, I actually completed some of the work in hospital complex while waiting for the baby. Fast-forward to days later I quickly realized sudden change in routine as a result of baby waking late in the night crying for food. The following are the tips I could recommend
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Thank you, @Primer!
This is very helpful - sounds like I'll have more time than I know upfront until he becomes more aware and responsive.
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Thank you, @rickfiyah!
This is SUPER helpful and I appreciate the advice here. Figuring out the schedule is the next thing I need to work on, but I know the little guy will determine that for me.
Also, self-care is a BIG one that is easy to let slip without having a baby. So that's a big priority of mine in order to be the best I can for them and myself.
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