Too much text? Please share your immediate impressions of our landing page...

Some of my first glance opinions...Yes too much text :) the blue shade on buttons is not in the orange color pallet you are going with and clashes, stick to a color pallet. Headers should never be sentences, a couple words max would be better. Privacy and contact make more sense on the bottom. The left and right logo and empower buttons should be left and right aligned to body. Check out a free logo generater for easy logo improvements. I would not put origin story section in lander. Icons are strange and out of place. Center text should not be mixed with left align text in same cards. I'd checkout bootstrap, and look into laying things out with cards.

Nice idea. Landing page not great. Discard 75% of text. Drop the twee handwriting icons. Drop the "Meet Billy" text. Put the whole "Story Squad's Origin Story" on another page.

I like your personal video (tho its small which doesn't promote confidence) but without a shadow of a doubt the "Meet Billy" video should be upfront and centre - THAT VIDEO IS 50% OF YOUR LANDING PAGE !

I think you could provide the theme each week. Big challenge for you is how do you keep the losers coming back?

Suggested sections ...

Header

• Give Your Kid a Creative Boost!
• Our mission is ...
• Your "Meet Billy" video (big and bold)
• Send me occasional updates.

How it Works:
Each weekend we run a free story contest based around a different theme.

• Step 1. Give your child 2 sheets of paper, a pencil, and tell them to write a creative story.
• Step 2. Watch your child get into creative mode for ~1 hour.
• Step 3. Once it's done, grab your phone, snap a photo of their handwritten work, and email it along with their grade level to storysquadHQ@gmail.com to enter.
• Step 4. On Monday, check @story_hq on Twitter to find out which story's imaginative vision delighted us the most.

Benefits:

• (Your "skills gained" text?)

Testimonials:

• "My son will only ...

Hi Graig,

What's the main objective of the page? Is it to get people onto your mailing list?

1. I think the header could be stronger. "Give your child a creativity boost" doesn't really scratch a parent's itch, and I'm not sure it actually describers what Story Squad offers.

If the pain point is reducing screen time/replacing screen time, call it out in the header!

Replace screen time with imagination
Finally, a no-screens activity your child wants to do
Are screens taking over your weekend?

Some good copy advice I've always heard is remind your customer they're itchy, then scratch it. Call out the pain, then talk about how you can fix it.

2. Are you sending story prompts to parents each week? If yes, I'd love to see that in the copy. If no, that could be a great value add and a reason to subscribe to your list and look forward to your emails each week. This behavior will come in really handy when you're ready to launch.

Overall love the mission, love the service, good luck with your launch and let us know how it goes!

Hey Graig,

I think the idea of storysquad is great, although I also like to play some games, or scroll through social media^^

I would start with a heading that describes your product. And then I would try to create a website that has a story just like your storysquads you get from the children. A picture says more than thousand words... You could probably get some neat illustrations done with some fancy characters and then make a step by step introduction in how the product works with just 1 sentence to each illustration... Thats just an idea... keep up the good work ;)