Workaholism + Bootstrapping
I listened to a great podcast on IH a few weeks ago where the guest mentioned how is past relationship failed because he wasn’t clear and her expectations were that he would change - he would stop working all the time. (Obviously a summary - listen to the podcast - episode #257)
This was a familiar story - but what he said next: with his current partner he was more honest about who he was and what she could expect. This part of his personality was not changing. Marriage cool! Not changing. Kids, cool? Personality and work still in tact. And that made it a better relationship.
And that made me anxious.
I couldn’t imagine a world where I could be that honest with myself let alone my spouse. We have five kids (yes) and I often have to tear myself away from my obsessions - because the expectation is not that I can bury myself in work. The expectation is that I’ll be 100% mom and 100% business. And it’s burning me out.
I am energized by closing deals and helping people - but I also want to be a good mother (not a good parent - I believe the expectations for mothers are different - right or wrong). I don’t want to do dishes. I don’t want to stop in the middle of an important meeting to help brush hair. :(
I feel like a failure at one or both most of the time.
I love my kids. I love my family.
But I also love being completely submerged in my work and I’m having such a difficult time with balance.
Wtf is balance anyway?
How do other people manage this?
Why can’t I?
(La. Early sad rant)
By accepting things as they are! trying our best to meet expectations but ok if they are not met not beating ouselves for it :-)
I need to learn this. Like, yesterday.
Hmm, you have a common problem.
It may be related to something that I see too often: the idea that you’ll grind for 6 months to get sht done but, at best, at the end of 6 months, you realize that you need to need another 6 months that get more sht done. Classically, you sprint to produce a product (which still has bugs of course) and then you sprint to the sell the product (which goes badly because you are switching gears and your energy is low because you just sprinted 6 months before).
In your case, I suggest you pause, really think through all your activities and figure out how to put your best effort into the highest value activities while figuring out how to take less time.
I get it. It’s great to be in the Zone. But you want to make sure that the Zone is being spent on absolutely the best place, not just for the sake of getting a high off being in the Zone.
Ughhhhhh. I know what you’re saying is true. It’s definitely the zone high…. But I immediately wanted to argue. lol.
I’ll think on this. Thanks!