YC Startup School: How to work together

I have been participating in YC Startup School online lectures. And this week Kevin, one the partners, gave an incredible lecture on how to work together amongst founders and startup members.

Here are some of the take aways I jotted down from his lectures. They sound common sensical, but appeal to the general human relationships not just in startup context. Because, admittedly, most of us don't know how to communicate effectively and work together even as grown-ups.

-Everyone fights (in business, casual relationships, marriage, etc), so make a plan to fight well

-Learn your own attachment style (are you secure, anxious, avoidant) and understand your cofounders' attachment style. And how you two can resolve conflict based on the style

-Distinguish emotions from thoughts. If your sentence starts with a "I feel" that is an emotion. If your sentence starts with a "I think" that is a thought. If you are confused, replace "I feel" with "I think" and if the sentence doesn't make sense, that's an emotion

-Evaluate emotions by understanding the underlining context ("I feel blamed" = probably means "I feel scared"; "I feel judged" = "I feel resentful"; "I feel misunderstood" = "I feel frustrated"; "I feel rejected" = "I feel insecure", etc)

-If you are making requests make sure it is an invitation to the other person to meet a universal need. Be specific with your requests. Say what you want instead of what you don't want.

-Pay down emotional debt regularly and start having hard conversations, now.