What makes a good cold outreach message?
I usually get very few responses to my 'cold' outreach emails. I'm not sure if they're too short or too long or too detailed or what? Would love some feedback on the following message as well as the product demo itself if you have opinions on either!
Hi {person},
My name is Tom, and I'm working on Org Owl. A powerful, simple, org chart creation tool that I created to scratch a couple of itches I had when creating an org chart for my own company. But at the end of the day I'm more of an engineer than an HR professional, and while this works for me for now, I want to make it so it can work for everyone! A few of the most notable features are:
• Anyone in your organization can view your LIVE private org chart without signing up. (Based on whitelisted email domains ex: Tom@YourCompany.com )
• Actually usable on Mobile
• Automatically backed up historic data, want to see what your org chart looked like last year at this time? Or how it's changed since the last board meeting?
• No pointless rules. You can have several charts on the same page, with the same people appearing multiple times - :confetti_ball: the party planning committee can finally get the recognition they deserve! :confetti_ball:
If you have any feedback on the demo, have a great idea for another feature, or are interested in accessing the exclusive beta, let me know!
Would your company use Org Owl? Why or why not? What are you missing in an org chart now?
https://www.orgowl.com/demo
Don't hesitate to reach out here or at: Tom@OrgOwl.com
Looking through this email, you're highlighting features of YOUR product, not solutions to MY problems. What are the problems I might have that adopting your product could possibly solve?
Most organizations that I've worked with have an org chart baked into their HR systems, such as Workday. What unmet needs exist that aren't already serviced by something I likely have? Or if I'm not big enough to use something like Workday or SAP, why do I need an org chart at all?
Hi Andrew, really great advice here, I think you're totally correct that framing it less like 'this is what I built' and more like 'this is why you need it' would be helpful for sure.
I understand there's HRIS software that comes bundled with a lot of HRIS software like Workday, but there's also platforms that either don't have it (ADP) or have it but it's seriously lacking (Zenefits), I'm looking for my place somewhere in the middle where there's a fair bit of competition (PingBoard, Organimi, etc.)
One of the first things I would have to do (and should probably mention somewhere) is build out integrations with ADP and other HRIS.
A couple of the problems Org Owl is trying to solve that others aren't at this time:
Private Org Chart that your users can view without logging in (no sign up required, except to maintain the chart) -> Anyone at your company can view the live org chart without signing up!
Works* on mobile -> Your company's employees can view the chart on the go. (Sort of building off point 1)
See what your organization looked like a week, month, year or decade ago because Org Owl is keeping track of who was hired, fired, promoted, and retired. (A very unique selling point since Org Owl is currently the only org chart software I'm aware of that does this, valuable for board meetings, and seeing how staffings changed, and frankly just cool for employees to see)
Addressing several common flaws with Org Chart Software, where a user may need to appear more than once, etc. -> There's no limit on the number of charts you can have or the number of times a person can appear in them.
Thoughts? I think I have what my unique selling points are.
Org Owl is still in very early development (it doesn't even have a backend yet), so any criticism is more than welcome!
Thanks!
Cold email outreach is a pain for me. Not an expert myself but some quick feedback:
FYI I found a few templates that I liked and put them all together at coldemailtemplate.cc. Hope this helps! :-)
I have sent hundreds of cold emails to various people - to grow my business or make a connection.
Remember - cold reaching somebody is always a game of numbers. You can maximize it with personalization and research. Try to find out something specific about a person you are reaching out, and point it, in the first sentence. As @Andrew_bpco said, everybody, cares - by default - about themselves. The targeted subject line, a person, cares will hopefully lead to your first paragraph. The second paragraph is where you can insert the benefits.
Call to action should be straightforward and reasonable for the person to take. It may be a 30-minute personal chat on challenges a person is facing (as a part of your product research) or private meeting.
Also, do not forget to follow up. People are busy. Once you spark interest, it doesn't mean a person is in the right setting to take action. In the second follow up, you can elaborate more on why connecting may be beneficial for the receiver. Try to send at least 2-3 follow up emails.
Hopefully, you will find the right form what works for you!
Cheers
See also https://www.indiehackers.com/post/6c8c2b2e9e
Try to make it much shorter and personalize the emails
You will get better results when using a consultative approach and tie your product in that way than going for the direct sell. Highlight what your product does in as few as words as possible and keep all the technicalities of the product for a demo or call. The idea of the email is not to sell but get them on a call so make it interesting and something they can relate to.
Create a bit of a story on why you built the tool and add to what you already started with.
I'm a (front/back end etc) engineer that was frustrated with the current org chart options when creating one for our company so went one step further and developed Org Owl.
Its a good idea to have just 1 or 2 max call to action so its very easy for them to make a decision. The above template has 6 ( 3 CTA + 3 questions + contact details) For all your questions and feedback try sending out a follow up with a questionnaire in return for an extended trial period or discount code.
I posted a Tweet with this discussion in mind, it might be helpful.